I know it’s been 10 years since we had any sort of relationship but after being home the past few days it’s made me think about a few things.
Read this, don’t read, this delete it or whatever but I just want to say a few things to you.
Basically I want to apologise. I know I have before but I don’t think I really got across how sorry I was for everything I did to you. You didn’t deserve it, it was unfair. I know that our lives are very different now to what they were when we were 18/19.
I made mistakes I wasn’t the greatest boyfriend. I made bad decisions during and after our relationship. I was sat thinking the other night trying to remember the good things about what we had and to be honest I couldn’t. I know there were good things but after everything I did it cancelled them all out.
I know I had no money, no real job and I didn’t treat you the way I should have done. I don’t know if it was a fact that at the time I didn’t care or didn’t notice, I’m sure I did but I was just too stupid to have done anything about it. I know that the things I did after we broke up were a mistake. I could have dealt with it all a lot better. But you have to realise that for a time I did love you, you were my best friend, I spoke to you everyday and it wasn’t until it was too late that I realised I’d lost you and I didn’t know how to cope with everything.
I know I missed you and still do 10 years later. It still feels like there is a part of me missing and I don’t know what can fill the hole that was left.
I’m not going to say “I wish I could turn back time” etc. etc. because I don’t think we would be the people we are now without going through what we did…. What I put us through. I regret all the mistakes I made and I understand why things ended. I didn’t at the time and maybe its taken this long for me to realise.
I understand that all this maybe irrelevant and that so much has happened since if its not irrelevant it should be. I don’t know what made me think of all this. All I know is that I owe you more than an apology but I don’t know what else I could offer that you may accept.
I would love to talk to you and find out what an amazing person you’ve become.
I don’t expect us to be friends or have any sort of relationship again I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am for everything I put you through. Like I said it wasn’t fair and you didn’t deserve it.
I am sorry.