• do you?

    by  • August 1, 2013 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 10 Comments

    That’s why I wanted to ask you, do you hate me? Do you hate me for giving up? For denying how much I love you just because I don’t want to bother you anymore? For saying that I don’t miss you at all so you’ll finally be able to move on from my bullshit? For not coming back to you because I’m scared I might screw things up again? For staying away because I know I’ll be holding you back from something you’ve always wanted to do? Because I’ve seen how much you’ve changed and I’m scared that you being with me will slow you down on what you do? Well, do you?

    10 Responses to do you?

    1. blue
      August 1, 2013 at 1:46 am

      Who cares at this point hoo rah

    2. not your person
      August 1, 2013 at 7:48 am

      It could very well be they do. Someone once did this “for” me. But it really felt they did it “to” me. It may seem noble to some or maybe like it was the right thing to do. But it was actually selfish in that you took the power of choice away from your person. I can’t tell you how much it feels like lies when not given all the pieces to the puzzle when it really matters. It feels manipulative. Look inside yourself and ask if you really did this for them or for yourself. I don’t hate my person, but I don’t love them anymore either. Not even as a friend. Friends don’t do that. Sorry, just my perspective from the other side. One more thing: If you ever choose to confess this to them, prepare yourself for anything. When I was told years later, I was upset. It made me question everything. When a person chooses to lie or withold critical information from their partner “for the better good”, they better think long and hard before doing so. Be prepared to carry it out and realize all the implications IF you are truly doing it out of selflessness. Hate is just one byproduct of such an act.

    3. @not your person
      August 1, 2013 at 1:08 pm

      That’s an interesting comment. Makes me feel guilty. (@author: you are not alone)

    4. Aww
      August 1, 2013 at 6:20 pm

      I hope they would say no, I could never hate you, and then you would live happily ever after. I believe in fairytale endings. 🙂

    5. not your person
      August 1, 2013 at 8:40 pm

      I’m not trying to make anyone feel bad, sad or guilty (sorry about that). I’m just being honest on how I’ve felt; from that perspective which could be akin to their person’s perspective. I don’t know them though. Good luck to you all.

    6. Aww BS
      August 2, 2013 at 1:58 am

      Lol. And here I was like one person who said (in another post) that others often read into these things, and become convinced a post it meant for them. I saw this when it came out. I wasn’t going to answer it.

      But thank you, as I now know the problem, through your post, yet another ‘Twisted Notion’ (TW) that would be…. living in the mind of my 10 day old ex. Yeah, it just ended

      The TW?
      ~~Incredibly Emotionally Immature.~~
      I swear, if I ever hear another woman use the word “fairytale” again in my life, I will get up, and walk the F out !

      Let me paint you a picture of how strongly I feel about this notion of “fairy tales.” First, they can’t be ever fulfilled, because the girl EXPECTS this as an ongoing way of life. (For the most part. It’s a very dangerous concept to live with, cause you can’t live UP to their expectations. They WILL get another man, and do it all over again. Remember: Emotionally immature. . .

      Just to illustrate how strongly I KNOW these types, can never be satisfied, let me give you what I will do, under the most ideal conditions. It’s how certain I am, that this mindset will be a killer for any man foolish enough to ever buy into this distorted way of thinking:

      Lets say I had a diamond ring in my pocket. My new hopeful, wife to be are dining at the most romantic restaurant in town. . Maybe one live musician is playing playing either soft piano, beautiful guitar melodies or a violinist is enhancing the perfect setting. (FYI.. this is the last place I’d do such a thing; I’d be far more creative. I’d hope I could afford an airplane to make hearts in the sky…and after those, faded, a Will You Marry Me? would be written in the sky. That’s me.. :- )

      The evening is perfect and I muster the strength to deliver best words of of my life…I move over a bit..and pull out a real gorgeous ring. One that is simply impossible to refuse. (Coupled with my great delivery; the echos of my love….lol)

      I swear to God….., if she were to utter “fairytale” in the middle of this sacred ceremony, I would get up calmly, come over lovingly, as to place it on her finger….take the F-ing ring…and walk out. I guarantee you I would and will do it, should I ever experience the nightmare.

      Why? Because I can’t live up to some freaking !!! Disney movie !!! she has etched in her psyche. It’s NOT realistic.

      Mr,. Not Your pPerson is EXACTLY right. You didn’t do it for ‘them’ !! You did it because it was your only option, and you are playing that sickening ‘selfless card.’ You NEVER did one thing that wasn’t for YOU.

      Jesus. When are you going to learn?

      Smart guys see through ‘you’ !!!! You can’t keep up the ‘act’

      (Now PLEASE understand, there’s a million people out there. The odds of me knowing you is 1 in a million. I’m just talking to you,miss, as THOUGH I were talking to her. Please don’t take it personally, nor do I want to rain on your parade with your love interest. )

      But it does feel kinda good. Cause I was so good to this woman, and maybe blasted her 2-3x, after she pulled some outrageous shit. She needs a blasting. She’s a manipulator dejour. The best there is.

      How she ever got that way, how PEOPLE ever become this way (I lived with one almost exactly like her ) It’s simply beyond my comprehension.

      Guess what pisses me off the worst? I STILL love ‘the good her.’ But it’s fading fast….
      Regrettably, it’s feels like a mirror image of my marriage. Some women are great, some like to f**k with you. it’s thier way of controlling you. The sick ….whew. She was such a pain in the ass…30% of the time (she also was “A Borderline”…it’s a serious personality disorder.) It can’t be fixed. They love you like Taylor loved Burton, and just when you’re safe, they pull something else. Games. Control. Chaos. THEY LOVE CHAOS. That way…you’re UNSAFE !
      They don’t WANT you to be safe. Trust me. I KNOW what I’m talking about.

      I loved my wife, and I loved this girl. But the ‘personality disorders’ will kill you every time. It’s impossible to overcome. I didn’t make this concept up. I’m repeating words from the top experts in the world, here.

      Love the girl, hate the disease.

      I know she won’t change. She will bleet like a lamb, promise you anything. Trust me miss, you will be getting this soon from a man, in your own hometown. “Coming Soon” as they say.

      And to think…..that I was going to accept her for who she was? . Oh, hell. That would be the easiest part of all. Wouldn’t have really been an issue, I have lived with them and I’m trained to handle it.
      Then again, a suprise was coming. I was going to wean her off of the bullshit. She was going to see a new man she had aught a few glimpses of in the past I was ready to go back to being me. “Mr. Take NO Shit.” In reality, I wasn’t all that confident she was going to be comfortable with this new guy. Didn’t matter. Her days of control were coming to an end. She couldn’t handle the ‘role.’ She couldn’t respect the fact that it was in a sense, a gift i allowed her to have. But she misused it. She also couldn’t handle ..well, much responsibility at all, even though she’s entirely capable.

      But these ‘love addicts?’ They WILL eventually cheat on you. When the newness wears off, their impulse control issues get triggered (maybe by some cologne) , be it a year, two, five , ten? She’s GOING to sleep with another man. She will F your world up. It’s inevitable, if you are with a ‘Disney Girl’

      My wife was ‘the girl next door.’ 100% moral. She wasn’t a fairy tale dreamer. But she is on her 4th marriage. (The Borderline thing) Actually, I just talked with her; it was nice. She was my coach regarding how I could approach my girlfriend, with a few questions. I marveled at how she had grown. . She had become exactly the girl I married. It just took her years of work to polish, what I saw in her all along. It was nice.

      But I’m absolutely certain… in my heart of hearts, she (wife) was OUT of her relationships /marriages before she was in another, or even considering wooing another. Mine wasn’t. Character mean everything

      I don’t hate my new ex…but I do hate that part of her that told her mind it was OK to sink to such a sickening, low level. Hey, she’s entitled ! Nothing a guy can do. Entitled? That’s another trait that will get me to ‘deliver a flowery speech’ should I ever encounter that again. I won’t even leave $40 for her to buy a cab.
      Yeah. Hey, take a little credit. You ‘made me who I am today.’

      Moving forward, I just hope I can come to care for he well being again, in my emotional being. It’s for my healing; to erase the shame of being so foolish to fall for that shit. To for a second, allow her to inflict even an ounce of pain on me, without blasting her ass. OThis wasn’t any ‘ol ‘girlfriend’…I expected to marry her. HUGE difference. f course, that’s hard to do when you love someone. You change, and I’m not so sure love is all that healthy in the doses I was taking. I’m going for best friends next time. The shame is, we had both. But in hindsight, It kills me to look at it like some circus mirage of smoke and mirrors. But she coldn’t have been all that serous, she was working another guy for a long time. Smoke and Mirrors THAT one is too painful to admit. \

      Honestly. I haven’t ever BEEN cheated on before, in my life. I just hope to arrive one day at forgiveness level, just like I did with my wife. It was easier with her. She was faithful.

      I had forgiven her a long, long time ago.

    7. not your person
      August 2, 2013 at 1:52 pm

      @Aw BS- just FYI, I’m a female. I’m just a female that hates drama. I was telling someone the other day that I feel the reason some relationships fail is because of these “happily ever after” expectations. Not all women want the fairytale. I’m happy with what’s real. Finding people who are real is much harder than the bs’ers who claim to be real.

    8. dearly
      August 2, 2013 at 8:18 pm

      Sometimes, but only because the only person you fooled with that is yourself.
      I was angry because all I wanted were good memories, and you were too afraid
      to give them to me.

      This is what I would say to my person.

    9. @not your person
      August 3, 2013 at 12:11 am

      FYI women are drama full stop. Especially ones that need to vent on a website instead of talking to their partners. And real WTF is real anymore as I’ve done both and how can you know be real if not in love it goes hand in hand. To me by being real you can reveal the fairy tale we all know we like to have so in fact neither of you are real people just one’s who not know what love is real(ly) about! Blah Blah Blah, oh goodie know I know how to start feeling like a bitch who learns to hate & spite others…Fuck them right off lol Now that’s being real!

    10. not your person
      August 3, 2013 at 11:39 pm

      To @ – I don’t really know how drama filled I could be when I’m in my 30’s have had nothing but relationships longer than 4 years a piece and have been with the same person for over a decade. I only had one drama relationship but that person had problems way out there. People come to the site for different reasons. Mourning a death is just one I could say. It took a very long time to find someone who wasn’t full of crap. Sorry your lady made you so bitter, but the real mistake might be if you think all women are the same. But that’s your choice.

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