• please read… please

    by  • July 31, 2013 • Advice • 4 Comments

    Well here’s my confession-
    I’m in a relationship I have been for quite some time I am so unhappy and bored and scared with my relationship I want something new I can’t go out and meet new people my partner is too controlling for me to even leave the house without them I can’t leave them either I feel there is no way out. But and it is a big BUT I have started to go onto dating sites in my area with a fake name and a photo of something which isn’t a person but just a pic, trying to find someone else I feel so bad an trapped but I feel I need to do this so I can get away, my partner doesn’t love me and as I say very controlling it’s so hard I want to put a pic of my self on there with my real name but i’m too afraid someone will recognise me and tell my partner.

    But I need to get away I need to leave it’s my partners house they have the house I just live here I can’t live anywhere else, my family is a no go and I just feel so trapped so stuck i’m so depressed i’m so unhappy I feel I want to die sometimes but I wouldn’t ever kill myself I don’t know what to do, my partner treats me really bad and treats me like a child “example” (if you are a good girl we can go ride in my car today)

    Sex isn’t an issue I give it to them when they want if I don’t then well they take it anyway. I feel so helpless but feel guilty for for setting up these fake profiles trying to meet new people as I could never do it in real life my partner is too controlling.

    I feel scared and alone my partners friends don’t realise how they treat me and my family don’t care I don’t know what to do I want to get away but i’m too scared the police won’t care and if I get found out well I guess I will be in for a good beating I don’t know what to do i’m so scared of them finding out 🙁

    4 Responses to please read… please

    1. author
      August 1, 2013 at 3:52 am

      Hes really controlling I cant wear what I want and if he goes out im to go with him. Because he doesnt trust me even though I haven’t done anything to make him not trust me hes just a douche 🙁

    2. T2
      August 1, 2013 at 5:18 am

      A women’s shelter could help you. They can give you temporary housing and basic needs. They also help you find permanent housing, a job, and counseling. Make sure you cover your tracks if you attempt to call a shelter, might be better to use a pay phone. I read it’s good to have an emergency exit plan. 1-800-799-safe it’s an advice/support hotline for domestic violence.

    3. Someone
      August 1, 2013 at 9:39 am

      Take a deep breath, or ten deep breaths. Good. Now go to your quiet place. I know you have one, and if you don’t then find one. The bathroom, a closet, outside in a forest, under the bed, doesn’t matter. Somewhere where you won’t be bothered.

      Take some time to just think. THINK CAREFULLY. You have (ideally) three choices.

      1. Talk to your partner- probably best done in a public place so you are on even footing. It sounds to me that since you are in his house, and he is controlling, that in that house he has the advantage there. However, it also sounds like you want to thwart his controlling nature by cheating on him, as though to prove him wrong. I don’t really know. But if you are scared, then you should just end it now because a person should never be scared of their partner.

      Anyway, you might be too scared or uncomfortable with #1, so don’t do it if you don’t want to.

      2. Most people have a person they can count on, even if they don’t realize it. Someone who has been dependable, and someone who you may not be as close to now as you used to. Contact them and tell them everything. It’s easier to have support.

      3. If for some reason #2 is impossible, either call a helpline or call the police. Listen, there are a lot of nice and helpful people in the world despite what many think. Someone will help you, you have to reach out first because people are not mind readers.

      Hope this helps. I’m kind of disappointed that you turned to finding guys online, under a false profile or not, while you are still in a relationship- even if it is because you are unhappy in your relationship and don’t know what to do. That’s not really a good choice of action on your part. You need to get away from what’s making you unhappy, and finding some stranger online isn’t going to suddenly solve all your problems. Only you can do that.

      Anyway, think on your actions properly, and I wish you luck in finding happiness.

    4. T2
      August 1, 2013 at 12:28 pm

      I’ve had a possessive partner, but never had to face the level that you’re facing. How old are you? Does he work? Hope you don’t mind me asking. I’m glad you realize that you don’t deserve to be treated this way. You don’t have to be in a relationship that you don’t want to be in. He has a problem and needs help, but YOU can’t fix him. Prayer works, but I also hope you put some miles between you and him. PRAY.

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