I am so tired. So tired of pretending. So tired of pretending not to care. So tired of being used. I am better than this and I know it. I let people use me and I act like it’s not a big deal. I act like it’s what I want and that everything is okay. Now I’m drunk and crying over nothing. Over something that shouldn’t even matter.
So what they kissed? So what they are sleeping in the room right below me in my house? I feel like a fool. A fool to think that they would keep away from each other for my sake. My best friends can’t even respect me that much. Selfish bastards.
But don’t worry, they won’t know. They can’t know. I am so mad at them and I will never tell. This is my angry secret. I love them both and I want them both to be happy so they can do whatever they want.
It’s not my place to be jealous. He was never really mine. Just for one night. One really great night. I thought to myself maybe this is it. Maybe this one really cares. Only to find out he actually was just too drunk and really likes my best friend.
Fuck it. Fuck it all. I will let myself take this one night to feel sorry for myself, and cry my heart out.
Tomorrow, I will be a rock. I will not care and I will move on. I will continue to be both of their friends. And in that moment he finds out that she does not like him nearly as much as he likes her, I’ll be there for him. And he will feel exactly how I feel right now. He will finally understand and I will be the friend to help him back up.
That is all. Goodnight.