• Dear Friend

    by  • July 23, 2013 • * Safe for Work *, Confession • 4 Comments

    I lied. I’d like to think of myself as an agreeable person, but, I guess, I’m too agreeable at times. You told me some things. I think on it now, and I find it impressive. You are impressive, to me. You always carry along conversation so well, and keep it flowing. You always know the right thing to say. I don’t know you very well, but I’d like to think of you as a friend. I hope that’s how you think of me. We may be completely different in some ways, but in others, we’re completely alike.

    There’s a lot I want to write, but I’ll try to keep it concise.

    You seem so certain. So sure. I envy that. It comes through in everything you say. And every time I’m struggling or falling down, you’re there with you words, helping me back up. I can’t help but smile when I think of our conversations. They were light, at first. Then I sort of told you about some of the darkness that creeps out of me. I thought, you were a person I could come to talk to about a lot of things that I struggle telling anyone. Why? I’m not sure, but when I shared somethings I hadn’t really talked to others about, you shared things you had never shared. And when I needed someone to talk to, you were there.

    But there are two things I really need to say. One is, I feel like we lost our connection. That we just aren’t talking like we used to. I don’t know.

    The second is, what I alluded to in the first sentence of this letter. Haha, can you believe it? I’m terrified that somehow you’ll come across this and know. So, I’m trying to phrase it in a way that I can get out what I want to get out, without it being able to give me away. I wonder if that doesn’t matter, and if you could tell I wrote this just from how I wrote it.

    You brought up religion that one time. Compared to your certainty, I fell into the trap of saying something along the lines of being a Christian and thinking about atheism. The truth is, I really am an Atheist. The majority of my family doesn’t know, and probably about a quarter of my good friends know. If it doesn’t come up, I don’t bring it up. I don’t go to church. I haven’t gone since I was young, like 12. I’m still not very old.

    Would you cringe if I said I feel like God would have, if he was real, a terrible job? I mean, he watches people, like ants, for eternity, and then sends them one way or another. I couldn’t even imagine how he decides to send someone to Heaven versus Hell. The way I think, even if there is some Creator, why would he think about us humans especially? Really, he’s just up there playing the Sims?

    I tried, I really did. I used to have conversations with “God”, but I knew in my heart that all I was really doing was talking with myself. I never needed a God to tell right from wrong. I can feel that in my heart. When a person needs help, I can even FEEL their cry. I have empathy and sympathy, care about people and animals, and can feel peoples pain. Maybe it’s because I have trust issues, or because I’m still young, or because I haven’t been enlightened. I don’t really know. All I know, is that I don’t believe in God. But I think I led you to believe that I did. I want to tell you the truth. I do. But I don’t want to suddenly bring it up. I don’t want it to end our friendship- although you seem like someone who would be okay with it.

    Anyway, I’m sorry this letter was so long. I hope our normal conversations resume soon. You are the one person who I look forward to hearing from, and when I don’t, I can feel your absence. I don’t make friends like you often, so I don’t want to lose you.

    Your Friend

    4 Responses to Dear Friend

    1. I know who you are
      July 23, 2013 at 8:27 pm

      This is clearly not about god it is about u and your friend you miss your conversations that gave you comfort that made you feel like you had a connection and had a bond which has somehow lost its ties, I know how you feel because I feel the same but dont derail the train this letter was heading for you want the conversations back you want the comfort you want the bond you both had that you are not feeling now either you or your friend had broke without maybe not even realizing it you miss how they helped you in times you were feeling sad or helpless unhappy blah blah, try to make that connection again if it doesn’t work out then the bond wasn’t as strong as you may have originally thought it was or and its time to give up put time and effort into the conversation you will soon find out if all your time and effort is worth it. If it isnt then they are not worth it.

    2. The Guy in The Sky
      July 24, 2013 at 6:49 am

      Well, now think about it, author.

      There’s what, 100 million {wild guess} of the age and ability to write like you do…. and YOUR friend just so HAPPENS to find you here? I mean, what could that be other than God’s work?

      Look at the odds of this! It’s a miracle.
      Surely the Easter Bunny is on vacation, so He played no part in this divine event. Wow.
      {On second thought, let’s back that down to 25 mil…but STILL. Praise Be…}

      Just a thought, as religion shouldn’t separate people, while considering that core beliefs such as this (oft heated) issue are high on the 10 scale for anything lasting.. may I?
      Admittedly, I don’t quite fully grasp R’ have the key to /about God, but I do have a fairly educated guess.

      “If He existed….” .well, I would think he may have, ah….made those planes in NYC miss those buildings?

      Maybe the pill (or wafer) might be easier to digest if you considered the ‘Higher Power’ concept of the whole enchilada of the religious smorgasbord. I believe it was Solomon, the richest man on earh, who exclusively prayed* for Wisdom. The Catholic Bible has one ‘book’ smack in the center. It’s called the Book of Wisdom. It seems well placed to me. It’s an easy read and it makes total sense.
      (*The Greek root for prayer is proseuche. Euche describes a wish, desire, prayer, or vow. Some even define prayer as a strong thought with focused imagination. How about request /’intention ? Whatever fits..

      Few can ‘read’ the Bible cover to cover. If one actually could slug through it, maybe those R the folks speaking in tongues. It’s the word definitions that make it all a bit interesting. The Greek or Aramaic Jesus’ native language, drastically change the intended meaning of the passages. They become more alive because it’s getting to the truth or heart of the matter.

      I believe the takeaway from the book is character. The character or striving for an improvement in the area, causes the being/person to think more highly of themselves and instills an elevation in pride/sense of self. . They types are often real seekers of knowledge. I find those people very interesting; the best of the bunch in my book. Something about them…just says good, interesting, inquisitive, a cut above. ‘Closer to Heaven’

      The point being, a raising of consciousness. occurs. That’s the analogy of being ‘closer to God.’ You are on a higher plane as a result. Over time, the dynamic becomes habitual. Without the ‘chatter of the world’ to disturb you, one becomes more at peace. Peace begets (in reality, more effective brain wave functioning) more peace, tranquility, etc, etc…and thus has an impact even in the dynamic of LOVE..

      Not pushing any ideas on you, but IMHO, the ‘book’ is a guide to make one more curious to find out what’s really inside all those vague concepts. It takes some imagination, with a dash or understanding of Greek philosophers and their teachings, to begin to put the puzzle together.

      it’s a blend of more than just the two, but with some intellectual curiosity, there may come a day when this little voice (in essence , thoughts) just begins to guide you to right things and steer you from wrong outcomes. A sixth sense type of experience. It’s nearly foolproof and can become as it is written:
      A priceless possession or gift.

      Maybe you and your friend can meet in the middle on the whole deal. Your God may look different than his God, but you’re still seeking knowledge, wisdom, character, living a clean life, following the rules and it does lead to a ‘rebirth’ of sorts.

      Check out anything related to those after Big J died, as his closest followers were called Gnostics.

      i believe they lasted for a few centuries, but upset the Roman apple cart.

      As you know, “We can’t have any of this ‘too smart’ type of population running around, spewing information that will lift others up” Heaven forbid that such a thing occur !

      Things just don’t seem to change much, even while all this ‘progress’ happening around us, does it?

      Hope your friend will take you as you are, but I would consider looking into a few of these ideas. I have heard through the grapevine, that the stuff really works. (Ok. so I just told a lie.)

      I’ve done it. It does. But seek ye the Kingdom of Heaven and all things….

      Here’s the interesting part: The Greek root of Heaven is Ouranos. Simply put, the air, heaven, sky. “That which is lofty.”

      How can one lose when they seek to become better?

      Check it out.

    3. Author
      July 25, 2013 at 12:48 pm

      (I Know who you are): I don’t think you do. This letter, I initially intended to write to God. As I wrote, I realized that it was really for this friend. Yes, it is about them, about my connection with them, and yes I did feel somewhat lost awaiting their conversation again. But religion was a big part of it, too. Do you understand? I don’t think you do.

      I was thinking about religion and my relationship with God, and trying to come to terms with who I think I am, with what I believe. It all started because of this friend. So, my initial intent was about being an atheist, and the second, well, it was about being insecure. Which I do need to get over or get it together, with that you are right. I was not doubting in God because of doubts in my life or relationships, I was doubting my relationships because of my doubt in God- if that makes any sense.

      (The Guy in the Sky): Ah, wow. Seriously, if there is one thing that amazes me and that I appreciate (probably) most in this world, it’s people who say (eh, write) things that make me really think. I’ll admit that I started reading your comment with, how should I say it, an air of disbelief? Irritation?

      It doesn’t really matter. I really wanted to thank you, because you put a lot of effort into writing that, and I’ll tell you now that it didn’t go to waste. After all, I appreciated it. 🙂 Actually, it might be a better compliment to say that you remind me of my friend (that is if we talked about religion), and don’t worry- I know you aren’t actually. But he is a person who makes me think. I have a poor tendency to plod along and just go about my life, when there are actual things that I should think about. He’s one of the people who do that.

      It’s hard to explain this to people (at least in my mind), but after reading what you wrote, I’ve been “enlightened” to what I was seeking in myself. (Don’t get ahead of yourself, I don’t mean I believe in God, or at least a typical theist’s God). I disagree with the way most religions are. Don’t get me wrong, I love that there are people who have tremendous faith, people who step their own way, or anyone who can hold there own beliefs on religion. I don’t want a debate. I understand that religion is very beneficial for many, and that some find religion is not a benefit. Or whatever you want to say. People are pretty amazing, especially those that put a lot of thought into what they say and do.

      I am not mad at “God” for anything that is happening or not happening, or that did happen in my life. Nope, if anything it is my own responsibility.

      Goodness, greatness, whatever you want to call it, does not come from without, but from within. I believe that God is no He or She, or even It. Instead, it is something buried deep inside of everyone. Something you uncover as you become more One with yourself, as you begin to understand and know yourself better. Maybe there are different levels, I don’t really know. But I imagine that at some point you reach a level that is like “heaven”. Of course this is putting it in terms of religion when really it should be in it’s own terms.

      Becoming a better person, or a better self, I agree that that’s not losing. I just don’t need a book or a God to make me own. Everyone learns a different way after all.

    4. tricia
      July 25, 2013 at 3:03 pm

      Author… I am pleased to hear that you believe in God. He is very much real… ! I think its sad for those who do not know..

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