• I knew (rant)

    by  • May 24, 2013 • To You • 5 Comments

    Well, I’ve learned my lesson. Sometimes in life you just have to say “fuck it” and walk away. But you know what? I’m pissed and I have every reason to be. But, I’m saying this here so you won’t have the satisfaction of using this letter as an excuse or justification for your actions (or lack thereof).

    I was your friend. And I think I was a pretty damn good one. I always spoke the truth and took responsibility for my feelings. I feel you kept changing your mind and was not clear at all about your feelings until that one day. And that was only because of your break up. I even told you I didn’t know what your feelings were up until that day.

    I had thought prior to that that we were going to be just friends because I knew stuff was about to come to a head in both our lives. But then all of the sudden you started unleashing all these emotions and I got scared because of your inconsistency. The next day I reached out and you just shut down and assumed so much and basically stopped communicating. Then you completely changed your feelings again. You act like a stranger.

    That is not okay. Not okay at all. And to top it off you made it out to be that it was my fault somehow. You said you were tired of it. Tired of what? Me not dropping everything to be with you so you could feel better about your break up? Sane people do not do that. Then you just had to take control, flip it, and demand just being friends because you have so much stress right now. Yeah, join the club.

    You wanted things simple; I gave you simple. I was tired of getting flaked on. One last time I tried. At least I tried. It pisses me off that you said you were tired of our situation. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA how tired I am? How fucking tired I am of your wishy washy friendship? You constantly say one thing and do another. WTF?

    So do me a favor. If this is how you want to treat me, then I don’t want you in my life. You said you loved me and cared about our friendship. For once, just this once PROVE IT.

    I do not want you contacting me months down the line acting like this never happened. We’ve already been down that road and I’m tired of feeling like I’m nothing – that my friendship is nothing. And you ask me why I question your sincerity…

    Stop being in denial, stop procrastinating, stop fucking up our friendship damn it!

    5 Responses to I knew (rant)

    1. Confused Apologetic Spirit
      May 25, 2013 at 4:20 am

      I know not if you are she, I will apologise all the same as I have acted in the same manner as the man that you once loved. I wish I knew what to say…..I have said so much already, good & bad. If you are she who was my “First True Love” I never meant to hurt you so. You know why I acted so & I too live with that knowledge every moment that I breathe. I know not what you mean by “Prove It”? I only said I would contact you many months down the track because I didn’t think you wished to see me ATM. I think I maybe talking to the wrong woman as she emailed me not to contact her & I’ve always been a man of my word so how can I be he as I cannot talk to thee. I too do not wish to live in false hope as it is consuming me for the love I have always had for you since that first night we met at Clarence’s. You will always have a piece of my heart as it is still out the front of your house somewhere since that day in February. xco

    2. author
      May 25, 2013 at 11:22 am

      ugh. No I am not your person. Is this that R guy again? If she said not to contact her, than TAKE IT AT FACE VALUE and leave her alone. Period. Sometimes too late is too late. Sometimes too much bad stuff has been done to EVER make it right – especially if they know what it feels like to have someone treat them well instead of like crap.

      If you are “trying to make amends” to her, it actually is SELFISH on your part because you are actually trying to be in her life FOR YOU. If you love her, then letting go is way more loving than forcing your way back into her life. It is still a way of control.

      I’m thinking you are on the cusp or are somewhat delusional and keep thinking she posts here when it, in reality, is not the case. If she doesn’t speak to you DIRECTLY and reach out to you on her own, then LEAVE IT BE!

    3. So it is you!?
      May 25, 2013 at 4:35 pm

      I apologise for what I’ve done & shall cease immediately. She is here though I will say as it is her I am certain by the events that have unfolded and what she has written. I sincerely apologise for my actions. My name is actually David as she is Mariana

    4. My name is David
      May 25, 2013 at 5:55 pm

      I am not R my name is David

    5. author
      May 25, 2013 at 7:27 pm


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