• 100%

    by  • May 10, 2013 • To You • 4 Comments

    Just you
    To you and not this messed up situation, again.
    Cos when it is you and me, it is just you and me and how does that feel?
    And this letter is to that
    Because even if it wasnt real it was worth it
    I’m a lover
    And I love you
    I know all of you and that is why
    I wish I could have loved you then 100% so I would have no regrets and no question marks
    I already know
    I know in a way that means I will always hold a piece of me back for you
    Maybe I am delusional
    I want to make love to you
    Properly, without thinking about any of this stuff
    I just want to give myself over to this thing
    Maybe not yet
    I got pretty fucked up
    I am happy with where I am, really privilidged
    But this letting go hurts, in my body. There is all this tension I have to let go of
    And I cant do that while my mind is drowning in you
    And we are drowning
    Anytime my mind is still you start dripping in
    I have sat baked and felt my stomach drop as I thought about what it would be like if you walked in the door at that moment. My imagination is vivid and I can feel you there sometimes
    God I want to go nuts on you, slowly
    I want to fuck you like you are mine
    I want to live without being held back by fear and I know I have been preaching to you, but it is only because I want you (and me) to wake up and see how silly this is. In my wildest dreams you realise he does not love you, and in my wildest dreams he does not. But they are my dreams and they can be as wild as I like.
    In my wildest dreams this is the beginning
    We have put each other on the right track and we steer our courses to meet soon. But dreams or not there is much work for us to do
    Or maybe there is just more time that needs to pass
    But in that time I will hate myself for wishing everyday that you will turn up at my door. Cos if that happens, if you make it to me through this, that is it. I would drop anything, anyone and just give all my unafraid love to you. 100%
    And that is why I hated that you came back. Because for so long I thought that everyday, and then as years passed, as certain events made it impossible, I thought about that only every once in a while, then less and less as I fell in love again, then less
    Then you came back and I thought I could handle it
    Casual catch up to see how you are
    But you told me you had thought the same
    And we both got punched in the face by this thing
    Then it got messy
    The feelings escalated just from talking, and then we couldnt stop the talking even though we tried, then we met up to see what this was, and it was fucked up
    and now what can we do
    talk about exs to wedge us apart and squash the feelings and try to keep close enough to be friends
    But not now
    Go to him, and make it work. Take the lessons from this and be a better person. I will too, but I am a lover and everyday I will think about you. And hopefully in time that will be less and less.

    Related Post

    4 Responses to 100%

    1. coincidence
      May 10, 2013 at 4:44 pm

      This mirrors my life right now. BUT, we have not been in eachother’s presence physically in years. I was the one talking about games and 100% FYI. I’m not your person.


    2. authour
      May 10, 2013 at 6:39 pm

      try months. I’m not your person


    3. Anonymous girl.
      May 10, 2013 at 7:14 pm

      Fits the bill 100% percent to my situation.
      What are the chances?


    4. Anonymous girl.
      May 10, 2013 at 7:24 pm

      And I did come back to my person briefly, and I believe that person knew I would.



    Leave a Reply