• you twisted little twat –

    by  • April 8, 2013 • To You • 0 Comments

    THIS PART I SENT :

    * for a year I supported you. Took you into my home (even though you were under house arrest) you paid no rent, bills, or for food, smokes, weed, party favors, alcohol, gas, or your nails or cloths. All I asked was for you to be my friend anne accept me as I am. Sorry that’s so hard for you to do now. But i’m sure i’ll be easy to replace and a weight off of your shoulders.

    THIS I CAN’T :

    Wtf? Do you know what I’ve allowed you to do to me. What i’ve done to myself because of how i feel about you. Is it easier to pretend everyday begins anew or else it would hurt inside too damn much to ever look.

    Everything I ever did for you I wanted to do. You never manipulated or used me that I didn’t know about as it happened. I didn’t care if others thought differently.

    I saw you. The you that others don’t. The girl who is sweet and kind and a good person. I knew you were the way you were because you had to be. It was the only way you knew how to take care of yourself. And you had to from such a young age.

    But you did more than a little damage in my life. My need for a friend and my lack of value for money quickly cost me my house. And No after a solid year of coming home only on Sunday my husband still didn’t catch on to the fact that he was paying for two wives while enjoying just one until I let the house go into foreclosure. With his income it’s a shame. And I still am that I made it be that way. How he forgiven the many mistakes i’ve made still leaves me in awe.

    Why you would think any clear thinking man would want his wife to befriend a *working girl* in the first place is beyond me. We don’t question why you don’t have other female friends. Or why when you do they are always single. The pendulum swigs both ways babe. Women don’t want you around their men. Men don’t want you around their women. That’s fucked. I wanted to want you. And I wanted it platonic so you would know you had something else of value to offer. Your character. In the five years i’ve known you I watched everything about you develop into a better person. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a ghetto teen hoodrat. If that’s all you are able to be. From your speech to your look to your perception of the world around you I nurtured. I can say im proud of my hand in it. Your growing into adulthood with so much potential to be the best person possible that you can be.

    But the process hasn’t been easy.

    Now you leave me here in a city I don’t know far from home and tell me your finished because I got pissed off at you.

    I hated you when you took my daughter to her first *call* on her 18th birthday. I hated you when you introduced her to the man who would beat and pimp her out for the next 3 years. I hated you when you thought I might have backstabbed you for constantly fucking over my boy-crush who loved the hell out of you. so you took a hanfull of pills and acted like I cut your heart out. Had you not freaked out and acted a fool what I had implied would have been meaningless. All you need to do was say * what or huh* and it would have been done. Flipping the switch into freak out mode made you look guilty. The pills were to make me feel that way.

    I tried to keep hating you. I almost thought it had worked. But you said you wouldn’t let me let you go. Didn’t you even wonder for a second why when you asked me to finance your move to this god forsaken state I answered yes so quickly?

    Then recently you called and asked for the dozenth time when would I ever com ie to visit you. Well you just happen to live in the same place that an event I VERY VERY much wanted to go to was happening at. I told you my husband only agreed to my trip because I was going to see it and staying with you. I only wanted to come here to go see it. You wanted to see me so I agreed. I told you that before I came what I wanted to be here for.

    You can’t possibly think I put my life on hold for 2 months and pulled every string I could reach to get myself here so I could be in a place that I should not at all be at was for anything but an evening with someone besides you.

    I can’t remember the five different names or what story goes with which one. Or what amount of truth they know about you. I don’t want to know by memory stories about people I don’t know or ever will know or want to know. So damn sorry.

    So yeah be done with me. Please I beg of you. Just come back to this animal infested cave of an apartment and drive my ass to the airport. Now. And i’m not leaving you the bank account I opened while I was here in my name for you to use tough shit.

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