• Insecurities

    by  • April 8, 2013 • Betrayal • 0 Comments

    My Dearest M-

    I love you. I don’t know if I’ve proven it enough; I ran from you because I was scared, but I came right back to you. I ran because you were ready for commitment, and I wasn’t. I can’t live without you. I don’t want to live without you. You’re the one I want to spend my life with. I came back because I want you like you want me. I love you more than the world itself.
    I don’t know how you can pull up my insecurities, when you never could before. You slept with four girls when we were separated. I don’t blame you, you were hurt. I can’t blame you, I did the same damn thing.
    I didn’t bring you around the guys I slept with, though. So why do you do it to me? Why do you put me through the torture of getting to know the girl you fucked, the same girl your friends want you with? Why do you want me to like her? I will never like her.
    She IS prettier than me. I don’t care if you say it’s not true. She’s beautiful, blonde, she can sing, she has a voice like an angel… She’s me but better. I can’t even compare. So why do you say I’m the one you’ll pick for forever, above anyone else?
    You told me you stayed over at her house the other day. If I’m your girlfriend, and she’s your ex-fuck buddy, why did I need to know that? Why did you even do that? That would be like me saying <> It bothers me. On a level that makes me want to leave forever.
    I’m always going to be jealous of her. I’m always going to hate her. The fact that you fucked around with her, and then think it’s okay to spend the night with her while we’re together makes me want to hate you. It makes me suspicious. I feel like I’m competing with her. But I can’t hate you. I can’t bring myself to really believe that you’d do that to me. I can’t, I won’t fight for the place I want to hold in your heart. I love you. Even if you hurt me. I love you, but I can’t fight for you. Not when I know it’s a losing battle…
    I told you I’d forgive you once if you cheated on me. This is me rescinding my offer. If you sleep with her, I’m gone. Goner than the dinosaurs, baby. Any other girl I could deal with; I could give you that second chance. Her? I can’t…
    I’m not making you choose me or her. That’s unfair. I should, but I can’t. I’d rather you just be happy with your friends. I’d rather you happy than miserable without them. Even though we both know ‘them’ is ‘her’. Even if you tell me I’ll always mean the most to you, and she’s not anything in comparison to me, I won’t believe you. I see her as the perfect match to you.

    With love from your quite jealous girlfriend,
    -L.

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