To Ms Ashley H:
You cheated on him. You lied. You got pregnant with someone else’s child. You left him when he needed you the most, when the PTSD was at its worst. You made the greatest man I’ve ever met hurt. Hurt more than he ever thought he could. Hurt more than he or anyone else ever deserves to be hurt. And yet, I am still so sorry.
I am sorry I fell in love with your husband before he had the courage to even fill out the divorce paperwork. I am sorry that when you found out he was moving on and you tried coming back, I clung to him even harder. I wanted to protect him. At least, that is what I told myself. Truth is, I was just happy, so happy, that someone like him found someone like me. I was selfish. I was weak. I should have waited until you and him were over for sure, until he filed the paperwork himself, without my constant nagging and crying.
Truth is, I still wish I was strong enough. The first divorce hearing is less than a month away. I wish I was strong enough to tell him I can’t do it anymore, that I can’t live with the guilt. Maybe then, he will go back to you, stop this from happening before it is too late.
I know it is creepy, but I frequently go on your Facebook to check up on you and to make sure you are doing alright. Your baby was born just a month or so ago. You look so happy with him. You post lovely things all the time, things I wouldn’t suspect someone who would hurt the man I love to say. He rarely says anything bad about you. It seems as if your lies and you cheating were the only sins you committed. I know you hate me, but I can’t find it in me to hate you. I wish you were a terrible person. I wish he hated you. I wish I could.
The only thing I can do is hope that one day, you and him get back together, be happy again. And I hate myself for only wishing and hoping. I want to do something. I just don’t know what anymore.