Whatever the reason, this is becoming an increasing rumination in my mind.
I don’t know how to bring about the cessation of this feeling, nor do I know why it has been so pervasive. I do know, however, I would be an outright fool to bring this into any of our lives. I know the damage carrying out this conversation would cause, and so I turn to written word to let these meditations out.
My heart and soul are eternally bound to Jess. She is the absolute center of my universe. There will never come a day that I don’t look at her and see all the beauty in the world contained in a single smile, nor a day I don’t kiss her without feeling myself without feeling suspended in time. I love her down to the very essence of her being. She is my complete lover.
We share a bond strong as blood, you and I. In so many ways the two of us have been (and continue to be) mirrors of each other; our behavior, ambitions, our enthusiasm. I am always here for you, as a shoulder, a counselor, as a friend. And you, in turn, are unfailingly always there for me. You motivate me, you excite me, you remind me to never miss the forest by staying focused on a single tree. You are my sibling.
And yet, I still find myself so attracted to you. I still feel so elated when you’re in the same room. I still feel the pull of your person. Your contagious smile. Your melodic laughter. Your incredible grace. Your kindness. I still wish I could pull you into me and feel the embrace of your kiss. I know it’s selfish, and I know it can’t work that way, and I know I’ll never be able to express this to you without tainting our bond. I just wish there were a way for us to share such a connection without so maiming those we hold just as close. Would that life were so simple. I just want you to know how much you continue to tantalize me simply by being the elegant, kind, whimsical, and painfully beautiful person you always have been. You’re just absolutely incredible, Heather.