• When will you grow up?

    by  • December 31, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Breaking Up • 0 Comments

    We were together for three and a half years.. I had enough. Enough sneaking around to get your drugs.. enough bull shit about you not having an addiction problem. A drug is a drug is a drug.. That’s what they say anyway. I wish you saw how your addiction is ruining us. I want you to be able to talk to me, I want you to want to talk to me more importantly. I need you in my life, and I can’t watch you throw your life down the drain.. I love you more than I love anyone in the world, you make me so happy. It saddens me that your addiction has got such a hold on you that you (not on purpose) chose it, over me.. the girl who is willing to die for you. The girl who is willing to lose everything to make you happy and be with you.. No more sleep overs.. No more friends with benefits. I have moved out and you need to understand why. You don’t see it though.. you won’t see it until we don’t speak and perhaps.. you miss me. I wish you were missing me.. You could be out banging ten girls for all I know.. you are wonderful, but deep down inside you won’t let me in. Because I am not an addict.. I won’t understand.. but the problem is that you won’t talk to me to help me understand.. I have been there for you numerous times and stood by you when I shouldn’t have.. You don’t believe I trust you.. I do, and I shouldn’t. Truth is you don’t deserve my trust. You have acted like a jerk when I ask you any normal relationship question and you think it’s for some ulterior motive.. It isn’t. I just want to know you are safe. If we do continue to work on our relationship and want to be together, I’ll never be able to ask you where you are or what you are doing without you wondering if its for some reason other than the fact that I care about you.. This is the hardest thing I have EVER had to do.. I have never loved someone so much as I love you.. I have never wanted to be with someone so bad.. I wish you would open your eyes and see what you are doing to yourself.. You are slowly destroying your body.. Not even slowly, you are just destroying yourself and I can’t let you take me down with you. Sometimes you have made me feel like I am on top of the world, and others you make me feel less than nothing. I can’t hang out with people without you, and I am not the one who deserves the distrust. I saw a website, 16 ways I ruined my marriage.. it made me think of us. Some things I have done wrong, some things you have done wrong. I wish this would fix itself but it won’t. I wish you would tell me you feel the same way when I say I don’t want anyone else.. I wish you would fight for me the way I deserve to be fought for.

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