Some time has passed and I have gained back my self esteem. my pride and confidence back, so don´t worry. I am not begging you to take me back. I have moved on. And you´ll be glad to hear that I don´t love you anymore. I still have feelings for you, but not in that way. I am not being cruel or mean. I just thought you would be glad to hear me write that.
Even know I am thinkng about my behaviour and I am proud of my letters I sent you after our break up except for one letter. I did the right thing. I told you my feelings. That is hard for men to do. Telling how they really feel.
You and I are not teenages, we are both adults. But I am not proud of the I pushed you to let me go.
We had so much going for us, we had chemistry, connection, commitment, compatability but we lost our communication in october.
This break up was not only my fault.
I think you planned this break up after you took me back after I broke up with you first. You didn´t give me a chance even after you knew I had a panic attack. And because of that, my anxiety increased. Have you read anout panic attacks?
I never tried to make you jealous, I only asked you if you were jealous. That is a cruel and a childish way, to try to make someone jealous. I am not into playing mind games. I don´t have the time or the energy to do that.
You told me I was like every other guy on the planet.
So remember this, I fell for your personality, your photo´s and your kindness, I never knew how you really looked like until you posted that self portrait of you, long after we started talking and decided to meet.
I was respectful, thoughtful and very kind to you. I gave you space when you needed space, I never pressured you into talking when I knew you were tired. I never asked for sexually explicit photos. You sent them on your own. How many guys like that have you been with?
I didn´t expect anything I knew you wouldn´t be comfortable doing.
I know what I did wrong, annoying long texts. But remember, you have been texting for 15 years, I have been texting for 4 months. I don´t know the rules of texting.
And I never cared about compliments from other people. I only cared about how one person looked at me. I only cared about how you looked at me.
You were my inspiration, my motivation. You made me happy about myself. I was and I am happy now. But you gave me that extra doze of happiness. And I know I made you feel the same way about yourself.
But I don´t care anymore how you look at me, you can think I am weird or that I am creepy. I don´t care. I am glad I am not normal, not like every other guy on the planet. I am mature enough to tell you my feelings and I am confident and secure enough, not to be ashamed of it. I think that makes me a man. I am sorry if this is harsh, but I don´t mean it in an angry way. I said it so you can be certain that I won´t be bothering you again.
I never got desperate for you to take me back, I was desperate for you letting me go.
My letters were me asking if you would consider taking me back. I really thought you/we were worth the effort because of our compatibility, our similarities.
I really thought you wanted me to fight for you.
Why? Because of the email you sent after you received my handmade gift I started working on when we were sill together. I told you not to contact me again. But you did and you opened up a window. That was a very cruel thing to do.
Anyway, I hope you have a great life, I won´t forget you. I will remember all of our good times and cherish them because those times are the nest times I have had in my whole life.
Thanks for everything