• Struggling

    by  • December 25, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Waxing Poetic • 1 Comment

    I swear sometimes–my rebel mind;
    Will show me to my fall
    i hate everything I am supposed to be
    I wouldn’t be good for spite of it all

    The perfect mother. The perfect maid.
    Stays at home with her children late.
    Never complains, never raises her voice
    She is the wife of my parent’s choice

    “You need to cook. You need to clean.
    Sixteen and you don’t know a thing!
    Were you in India, as you were born,
    you would be an embarrassment to your family.”

    I answer to no one; I answer for myself!
    To hell with society! To hell with the norm!
    To hell with the gender role;
    I make my own!

    Stuck between American and Indian
    “This is not suitable. You are an Indian!”
    “But I am American too–am I not?”
    “Indian comes first.”

    I love my culture and my homeland
    But it does not hold me hostage.
    So what if I hail to it?
    I won’t conform for it.

    Dresses modestly. Never stands up for herself.
    Speaks carefully, tripping over every word
    Unsure, unworthy, uncertain of her fate
    She would kill me if I would secede or lose my un-heavenly gait

    So I sit awake
    Every night and every day
    I look up at the stars, the sun
    And whisper to myself, “Is it done?”

    But it never is
    Nor would it ever be
    I am still a mystery
    To myself, it seems

    I would care to regale
    In glory, smile for myself
    Because I want to know
    That I am worthy

    But the tug of war
    Ends not, wants not.
    Who am I to decide,
    Whether my Soul will rot and die?

    Obviously I lie in the hands
    Of the wretched society
    It is only she that bends me,
    That breaks me; makes me, me

    How can I have a voice for myself?
    How can I hope for my own fate?
    If I try to take control
    I only wind up in hate

    So ever will I remain
    Unsure. Uncertain. Unworthy.
    Struggling for my voice, my future
    Struggling yet against me.

    One Response to Struggling

    1. anonymous
      December 26, 2012 at 11:50 am

      All females struggle with this irregardless of whether they are American born or not. Once we have children and a husband to care for, our original selves get lost. It is not because you are Indian it is because you are a woman and there is only so many hours in a day. Believe me you are not alone.

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