I need you to know but I will never tell you that I hate you. i want to pack all my things one night and leave a post it note that simply says’ “Fuck You.” I never thought that you would pick such a sorry excuse for a human being as a boyfriend. Or whatever you think he is. I don’t call him Edwin, because that was the name of the man my dad actually considers his father. Saying that name seems sacrilegious somehow. It makes me sick to think about him as a person.
If you two decide to get married, or he proposes I will pretend to be happy for a week. And then I will disappear. I will leave you a note on the message board that will tell you not to call me or text me or try and find me. You and I are no longer friends. Not that we ever were apparently.
Not only have you picked a poor choice for someone to spend your time and love on but you did it at the risk of losing your best friend. Or at least that’s what I thought I was. Looking back on the 12 plus years of friendship I see that I was more of a friend than you ever were. You have never been there for me in times of hardship but I always stood by your side. I am literally days away from stepping out of your life for good. And you do not care. You will.
So he let’s you watch him play his video games and card tournaments. How stimulating that must be for you. You get to watch him live his life and then you get to perform sex acts for his pleasure. Does he even touch you? Does he say he loves you unless he is in your mouth? I know he doesn’t. So your his slave, willingly it seems. Hope it is all worth it. What a sad life you lead. What does it feel like to have no self worth? I won’t ever know. I call him “Mike”. That should be a familiar name for you.
At first I was jealous. And then I was angry and sad and depressed. So much so that I contemplated suicide. Not any more. I know that I will be okay. I will move on and live a grand life. Happiness is the best revenge, don’t you agree?