I wish I had kissed you a month ago when you asked if you could kiss me. (Note to self: punch past me for being too scared to say yes. Don’t say no when you like someone and they ask to kiss you!) Things would be so different, or that’s what I’d like to think.
Right now we have this weird thing going on. I’m not certain if you like me or not, but part of me thinks that you do.
If you don’t, I apologize, but I do like you. If you don’t like me, then why do we always hang out? Why do you insist on giving me hugs good-bye when you’re not that touchy-feely? Why do you treat me differently?! Maybe I’m not observing this. Maybe I’m over-analyzing. But that’s what I do because I love analyzing behavior. Too much maybe.
Maybe I’m just making things up because I like you. Yeah. I like you. I cannot admit this to you though, I’m too scared. This is why it goes on here, where you will likely never read it.
Wait. Hold on. I’m not sorry.
Why should I be sorry for liking someone as great as you? I sincerely think you are one of the most amazing people I have met on this planet. There are only a few people that I can put in that category. And yes, I can name them all. It’s the way that you are so sincere with what you do and say, the way you’re not ashamed to admit you enjoy watchin Finding Nemo and other Disney movies, the way you laugh at my nerdy jokes that no one else gets (I know they’re awful), and the way you give me butterflies when I see you.
Here’s the problem. You’re going to another country in a month for what seems like forever. I’m pretty certain that we’re both terrified of starting something right now. Which is why nothing is happening.
I know at the very least, I am scared. Which is why I’m cowering and sending this to Letter’s I’ll Never Send and not you.
I’m scared of telling you how I feel, how you make me feel, and how maybe I shouldn’t feel this. Trust me, I’ve tried to stop liking you.
And I’m sorry if this scares you off (on the strange chance you read this, which is why I’m not signing my name, but instead, one you’d probably recognize me by).
If you want to be just friends, I understand. I will stop contacting you for awhile, just to allow myself to “get over you”. But I do appreciate your friendship. A lot.
If you actually like me, would you kiss me on New Years at midnight? (Don’t ask this time, just kiss me. I’m scared that I won’t know what to do again.) We can write while you’re away. If there’s something there when you get back we can start something. If not, you’re still a fantastic friend.
Please stay awesome no matter where you are.