No. It’s not okay. We are not okay. And we never will be again.
It’s okay to have feelings for another human being. No one can help feeling what they feel. We get caught up in the beauty of emotion. We want to be around that person because when we are, all the things that don’t make sense, make sense. The chaos stops. And there’s just the two of you. There’s a beauty in that stillness. You long for the touch that stops the ache that comes with everyday life. The burn you feel soothes even as it simmers. And you know that everything lying beneath that stillness can possibly shake the very depths of your soul. You speak without words and the very air vibrates with things not yet said and done.
Expectations and longing are beautiful. They’re everything.
But it’s not okay when you belong to another human being. It’s not okay when you have a life that you belong to. It’s not okay when I have done and said everything in my power to let you know that I can’t break that for you. And that is what you want. You want me to break it so you don’t have to. You keep coming back around after every conversation. No we can’t be friends. No we can’t have casual conversation. No we can’t be anything. You say things to me that rip me apart inside. Then I tell you no and you say okay and you are back the next day. Taking another piece every single time you leave. I am strong. I’ve had to be.
But your sick, twisted game has to stop. You have no right to tell me how you feel. You have no right to tell me anything. I’ve told you this last time to go away, to stay away. And I pray that you do.
To pray on the emotions of another because you are not sure of your own is selfish and cruel. It’s childish and it’s hurtful. I attempted to be supportive of you and you took that and have turn this entire thing into something ugly. You’ve made me so very sad.
So no. We are not okay. We will never be okay. Not today. Not tomorrow. Never.
Fix your life. I’m not going to be your emotional bandage. Not at the expense of myself and what I value.