We were laying in bed facing each other. Our legs were intertwined and I was cupping the left side of your face with my hand. We didn’t say a word to each other. I was just laying there surveying your face. Your beautiful, ice cold, blue eyes. Your freckles that give some form of contrast to your pale smooth skin. And your smile with your thin lips keeping your teeth tucked away safely behind them.
I was swept with emotions. I wanted to tell you I loved you, but I refrained. Exactly like when we were together. The only thing different was that this time you saw this. So with a smile exposing your teeth, that are straight but not exactly perfect, you said, “It’s ok. I know you can’t trust me yet after everything that has happened. But we’ll get over this. It’s ok. I love you.”
Dreaming of you sucks. Not necessarily because it’s a bad dream or anything like that, but more because it’s just a reminder that we’re not together anymore. It sucks when I have to wake up wondering if you were actually laying in bed with me or not and quickly figuring out that you weren’t at all. It’s just a reminder after all these good days that I’m still missing you. That you’re someone I don’t want to live without.