As I sit there talking to him, I’m confident. I don’t care. I really don’t. I’m so sick of not having friends, so sick of the same old people. I want absolutely nothing from him except this conversation (and maybe more just like this one.) The way he talks sometimes is so unrehearsed he almost has to be defensive. I’m not sure if deep down he’s sweet or a jerk. I have tried for so long to figure it out, I give up. I just want a conversation. He gives me a look that is so cliche and he knows it. It’s nice to look at but I’m over it. I am definitely in charge of this conversation, which is the way I prefer it. Then he says something. A string of somethings that struck a nerve and I start to question my perception of him. I wonder if I’m completely wrong about him. Maybe he has just been so irritated this entire time that I keep cornering him into this person that is clearly not who he is. Maybe he has something worthwhile to say underneath it all. Ahhh he knows I just picked up on that. I’m actually pretty uncomfortable right now. You want me to… sorry, I’m shutting down. Goodbye.
Why do I do that? I think it’s impossible for you to be something that could be good for me. Even right for me possibly. I’ve never ran from anything or anyone the way I run from you. Ever. Just know that you scare the shit out of me.