You know what, I’m tired and I just want to write. So this time, I’m going to just write this as a letter and not a poem.
To start off, I just want to say how much I love how our friendship, how our relationship, has grown since our talk on Wednesday. It seems like after everything happened, we got closer than we’ve ever been, and that is just amazing. It wouldn’t bother me a bit if we just stayed friends, as long as we stayed like how we are. And, if one day we do become more than best friends, then great, but that’s not what’s important to me. What is important to me is that you and I stay in each others lives for as long as possible. Like you said, “I can’t not see you again.” And that is very true. You have really become my best ‘gal-friend’ and you have become a part of who I am, in just a few short weeks.
You know, I just want to let you know that you are right, I could close my mind off to you any time that I like, but I don’t want to. I like you probing around in my mind, figuring out how I work, what makes me tick. It’s strange to enjoy the fact that someone knows me this well, but I do. And I wouldn’t let you in if I didn’t first trust you.
2 states, hundreds of miles, hours away. It’s really kind of a scary thought if you think about it, if something were to happen to you, what would I be able to do? Sit here and worry? That’s about all I could do. I don’t want to lose you, I just can’t wait until we’re back at school and only living less than a minutes walk away.
You know, I constantly look back at all of our memories together, and they make me smile, make me happy. I’ve anchored a bit of those memories so I know I will never forget them. A few of my favorites include, in no particular order; Playing music with you for the first time in my room, when I first got to sing for/to you, how we laid on the floor afterwards just talking; I remember the look on your face when you saw that squirrel bury her nuts, you were so damn cute; I remember the look you gave me when I didn’t hug Ted, how could anyone resist that; I remember our walk to Kmart, and then Taco Bell, and then Biggby, and trying a Butterbear for the first time; I remember our talk on Wednesday, I remember how happy it made me to know that I wasn’t going to screw up something as special to me as our friendship; I remember our closure that night, that was the most passionate and best kiss I’ve ever been a part of, I never wanted to stop; I remember having to leave the Friday after that, cuddling with you, asking for five more minutes, trying to get as much time with you as I could before we had to leave for 25 days; I remember all of our happy times, and they make me smile; I remember how I felt, and still feel, reading your poem to me, and every time I do read it I just want to cry tears of joy and shout, “See! She does care about me!”.
Also, I remember our fights, and how I felt afterwards, how I felt, thinking I could lose you. I missed you so much when we didn’t talk, and I knew how much I wanted to be a part of your life. So even through those bad times, I learned.
We still have 21 days or so until we can see each other again, and our only constant form of contact is texting. I know, when we get back, the first thing I’m going to do is give you the biggest teddy bear hug ever. The kind of hug that lasts forever, and that is perfectly fine by both of us, I’m sure.
I guess, the point in me writing this letter is to let you know, I don’t care if I’m not your boyfriend, as long as I can be in your life. Just know, no matter what happens, I will always be there for you. If you ever need a hug, or someone to text, help with a problem, or a shoulder to cry on, if you ever need a drinking buddy, or just want to cuddle, if you just want to talk, or just need some company, know that I am here for you.
And I always will be.
Goodnight My Manda <3