• The Koala and the Bear: The Koala’s Dissertation

    by  • December 15, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Love - Pure and Simple • 3 Comments

    Not fair! I didn’t see that lovely post of yours until yesterday (today is Saturday the 17th). I had checked that morning before after breakfast at school, and I just sort of assumed that we wouldn’t be using this anymore. But then, there I was again yesterday. Love does that. But no, I’ve legitimately never sent you any email ever. Unless you count facebook, but that was over half a year ago, and I don’t really count it. I may do some stupid things (okay, a LOT), but that’s a little much even for me. But really, dear? A space monkey on a combination of morphine and vikadin? Really? C’mon. We can do better than that. Also, I’m a fan of old things. They’ve got the most character to them.

    So back to the old letter-that’s-really-like-seven-different-letters-just-all-in-one-place form? Well, I guess now it’s going to be the letter-that’s-really-like-twenty-different-letters-just-all-in-one-place, assuming we’re writing nearly every day. Oh! Guess what! Today I’m going with the youth group to the Titanic exhibit at the Museum of Natural Science. I love that place so much! Also, you should come to astronomy day this January. It’s the 26th (9-5) and the 27th (12-5). Heads up, though: I’ll be working there at the smaries booth or whatever it’ll be on the 26th, but you should still try to come on Sunday if you can! Or Saturday, and just pass us by. It’s going to be so awesome, I’m so excited you don’t even know. Well, maybe you do. Remember how excited I was when I figured out/when they told me how to do that word thingy at the beginning of the lock-in? Yeah. Multiply that by roughly seven or eight. I’m super stoked.

    No. Her name is not Emily. That’s an overused name (being 100% serious). Her name is ol’ Huff n’ Puff. She must be alright then, if you hang out with her out of your own accord, despite your folks. But anyways, I give her a little bit of credit for the braid, simply because the Katniss braid is supposed to involve a French braid. If she did the French braid part, then kudos. If she didn’t, then -9308620 kudos. I hate French braiding so much. It’s the one thing that I really cannot do. It’d help if I could learn it on someone else, rather than trying to do it without being able to see my hands… but that’s just me wishing. Maybe I can convince Janey…

    Speaking of Janey! Oh my gosh, she had a play last night, and it was the cutest thing ever. It was a rendition of The Little Mermaid (they had to change a lot because of copyrights, so it was really dumbed down and funny), and the guy playing Neptune? Oh my god. He had his shoulders hunched and he just had the physical presence of a grumpy old man and I just could not stop laughing. I love little kids so much.

    Oh yeah. I’m cool with once a month. That gives us a nice little count down. Can you believe that there will only be fourteen more after this one? Crazy. Time is such a weird thing. Don’t even get me started on it. But I’m so glad that you finally understand what I’ve been saying about auras. I know it sounds like I’m a total psycho when I talk about it, but I’m serious. I think that people are genuinely connected on another level. We have to be. And I think that the more time you spend with someone, the more you come to really be able to pick up on their little aura and notice slight differences in their moods, attitudes, etc. You know. But then, I might also be crazy. I am wanting to major in astrophysics. Most would call me crazy for that alone. But hey, what’s life without a little bit of a challenge? Not as fun, I would say.

    This is going to be so long. I’m blaming you for the length since you set it as once a month.

    Honey. Please. Don’t complain about feeling short. I’m even shorter than you are. Speaking of heights of people at concerts… There were two people. One on each end of the spectrum. There was one gal, and she didn’t even come up to my shoulder. I felt so bad for her. But then there was also this guy, and I didn’t even come up to his shoulder. But he was standing right in front of me, so all I could see was his freaking back and just why. Why would you be that close to the stage if you’re that tall. You get a good view ANYWHERE. I mean, I get that you want to be as close as possible, but please. Recognize the fact that you’re taller than literally everyone else around you and move back a little bit. Thank you.

    Gosh, Rob. I really miss you. You know, I still have that shell. I absolutely love it. It stays on my bedside dresser. I did have it with a bunch of other shells I got from when I was at the beach with Delia and Meg, but that was too far away. That shell and your bracelet are about as close as I can get to you these days. I love our playlist so much. We’ve compiled a pretty great list of songs. Oh hey, peux-tu parle francais? Just wondering. Oh, I’m thinking of dropping French year, but only so I can take more science classes (I’m thinking AP Physics for sure). And I’m trying with regarding her the same. I really am.

    Well… the stop motion film. So, it all kind of sucks, because I did it when I couldn’t sleep at like 1am. You know, that state of being where you can’t fall asleep, but you’re really not awake either. It’s alright, but it could be greatly approved upon. And by greatly, I mean vastly and very easily. I’m really excited for this, not gonna lie.

    We’re getting them something, dear. I’m just as obstinate as you, and I’m not budging on this one. As you mentioned in your letter, I’ve got a bit of kindness, and that’s going to be extended to them. Same with my folks. I’m not exactly happy with what they’ve done, but they’re still my parents. And that’s all I’m going to say here.

    But the river. I think of that every day without fail. Even the weather was perfect. I’ll admit, I had been sort of worried about the weather since it had been raining a pretty good bit earlier that day. But then it was perfect. Even God thinks this should work, apparently. But then, I am God, so that makes sense. Anyhow, I’ve got to go to the church deal now, so I’ll continue writing this the next chance I’ve got. I hope you’re having a wonderful day, dear. Miss you lots.

    Oh hey there. I remember how you complained in your letters about just how poorly written letters convey a sense of time. I get that now. It’s really frustrating. But hey, can’t have everything. So the Titanic exhibit was really great. They had this reproduction of an “iceberg” that was really just a thick, large piece of ice carved to look sort of like an iceberg. It was cool though because it was one of the only things you could touch. The idea of having it there was so that you could see how long it takes to leave a handprint on an iceberg. I’ve gotta say, dear, you might have been proud of me. Just kidding, but I DID leave a handprint. My hand hurt after that, so, in due course, I put my face on it. That’s what you’re supposed to do, right? No? Oh. Well. I did. Too late now!

    Also, after the museum, we went to get some froyo. So good, man. So good. I had found these little coupons at the museum (I’m a pro at that, let me tell ya!), so everyone got 3oz of free froyo. I guess I went slightly over, so I ended up having to pay 82 cents. But that’s okay, it was totally worth it. So good. Ahem. Yes. Back to where I was in responding to your letter…

    Yes. I was at the river and our hugs. Oh hey! I actually got a hug the other day. It was okay, but only about .00037 of what our hugs are. That’s just an estimate, though. But, and I find this sort of amusing, it’s not that I’m not big on kissing, so much as it is I’m not big on not being good at something. I’ll let you think about that one, dear. Oh, you know what I find to be interesting? Read. Is it past tense or present tense? It’s all in context. But the thing is, your little parenthetical sentence deal (don’t deny it. I read you) could be either. Although I like to imagine that it’s present tense. Although a weekly present tense.

    Just wondering here, where did that one sentence come from? “But Morgan and I agree, you have a great sense of style.” Uhm, thanks? I’m not really sure what to say to that? I’m just really confused as to where that came from. There was nothing leading up to it. Nothing after it to clarify. Just that little blurb. I really think you’re trying to make me go completely crazy, dear. However, that sentence also begs the question, how often are you talking to Morgan about that?? Because that is not okay. You’ve probably noticed (it’s sort of really hard to miss), but I’m not really a fan of being talked about at all. It always makes me really self-conscious and nervous.

    I’ve been thinking about the cat, though. Maybe she’ll be a no-go. I really don’t like having a divided house. And dogs are nice, so I’d be fine with just a couple of doggies. I’m really glad that your days are getting better. OH OH OH OH OH. OH. YESTERDAY. I SAW BREAKING DAWN PART TWO. AND IT WAS SO FUNNY. I didn’t like how they had that huge battle where almost everyone died, and then they were like “lol jk dats jus alic’s vizon.” Not okay. I would have been okay if they had just changed it, but then them saying “gotcha!” isn’t fine by me. But that’s just my two cents. Other than that, it was the typical Twilight movie. Needless to say, I got a good laugh out of it. I don’t know that we’ll have a perfect life, though. That might be asking for a bit much. But I’m sure that we will have a wonderful, happy life. And if you ask me in my naïve little mind, that’s all you can really ask for (just ignore the fact that I said “ask” twice in the same sentence; I can’t really come up with a different way to phrase it right now. I would if I could, though!). I really miss you. I don’t think that these sixteen months can go by quickly enough, dear. It’d be fun if we celebrated midnight of the 15th.

    You know, I find it sort of funny how all of our letters are going to be on the 15th, since that’s my birthday. That’s just really amusing to me. But no, I really do feel like it’d be fun to do something at midnight.

    Once again, this shows no clear passage of time. It’s Sunday night, and I just got back from seeing Breaking Dawn – again. It’s funny how different audiences will laugh at different parts of the movie. For instance, the first time around, a lot of people laughed when Renesmee giggled (we’re never naming any kids that. It’s stupid), but this time, no one laughed. And also, during the battle scene, people clapped, booed, and cried. Well, people cried the first time, but not as much. The battle scene was alright, not gonna lie. It wasn’t in the book AT ALL, not even hinted at, and they did it in such a way that it seemed like they had just completely changed the ending to make it more satisfactory. The first time I saw it, I believed it. And then I was in shock, then mad, and then pleased with what they did. Kaitlin, on the other hand, got really upset… she grabbed the drink and threw it on the ground (we were in the back so there was enough floor space to do it). It was hilarious.

    But besides that, I had a great day. Church, to name one thing. Just wondering, what were y’all doing in the office-thingy room? You, Morgan, Katie, and Todd were all in there. Kind of really sucked that I couldn’t. And by kind of, I mean it did. I’m actually really excited for the NYG next summer. Hopefully I’ll be able to hang out with Morgan and Katie, since they’re, you know, closest to my age and also the most interesting people in our youth group. In my opinion, at least. I remember the NYG last time, mainly how annoying I was. But I also remember that one time when everyone was in your room (I can’t remember who you had to share it with) eating breakfast, and I was sitting in the window and you started telling a story and I was like “hm. I like this guy. I think I’ll try to stick with him instead of the rest of these people.” That, and when we were doing the work at plant place, stick out the most to me. Wait just kidding! Also all of the night things, when you wouldn’t sing or dance and I was that obnoxious kid next to you who was like “hey move a little!” I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not. I’m just glad that I’ve grown up a bit since then.

    Gosh I really miss you. Remind me to make some of those nutella cookies for us on my birthday. I haven’t made those in a long time. Which is really quite a tragedy, since they’re so good. They’re a pain to make, but totally worth it. I really can’t wait. Just kidding, I can. I just would rather not.

    Hm. Microsoft seems to really not like my writing style, as he keeps underlining a lot of my sentences and calling them “fragments.” Really? Really now. I prefer to call that “interesting, real, colloquial writing.” Microsoft just doesn’t understand spoken English like I do. I mean, I just write this as if I was talking to you (and wishing all the while that I actually was), and lord knows I don’t talk with perfect grammar. No one does. All we can hope for is to use good and well in their respective places. Hey, my shoulder is really warm. Sorry, I just bent my head down on my shoulder (I do that a lot, don’t hate), and it’s surprisingly warm. I tend to find that I’m a little/lot cold for my liking, so this is nice. You, on the other hand, are always toasty warm. Either I need to get some of that toasty-warmness, or we need to put an end to this distance nonsense. It’s up to you.

    Ooh, nonsense. I really like that word. It’s straightforward and nice. You’ve got that nice little “non” to tell you that whatever’s following it, you’ve got to think of the complete opposite. It’s so funny how the English language works. Well, really any language, I suppose, But I’m not really familiar enough with any others to make any statement like that. But really, and then you’ve got “sense.” Which is a homonym to “cents.” I struggled with that one a little bit in kindergarten/1st grade. But I’ve learned and changed my ways. Unlike some people, who like to put the dollar sign AFTER a number. Like 389$. No. It should be $389. End of story. It looks stupid and wrong any other way. I don’t care that you say “Three-hundred eighty-nine dollars.” That’s not how you write it. You also can’t have people pay for a shirt, and then send them an email after you’ve placed the order saying that you COMPLETELY changed EVERYTHING about said shirt. It’s frustrating, to say the least.

    Holy cow. This thing is long already and it’s only been like half a week. Admins, I am so, so sorry. I really am. I really appreciate you having this website here. It’s a wonderful thing. I’d bake you cupcakes if I could. I’m a pretty good baker, I think I can get people to vouch for me. Actually, I just finished making some Death by Oreo cupcakes. They’re amazing, let me tell ya! There’s an actual oreo at the bottom of each cupcake (yes, it was baked, and it’s still just as good), there’s chopped oreos in the chocolate cake mix, and there’s an oreo cream cheese icing on the top. It’s so good. I can’t eat a whole one, but that’s okay. They’re so rich and amazing, you admins deserve them.

    But my dear gazelle-bear. Have you seen the trailer for Mama? Oh my gosh. If you haven’t, go watch it. Now. I really want to see it. It looks super good. Also, there’s this really weird movie that I want to see because it’s so freaking weird. My dad showed it to me, and I was just really confused and worried, but then I decided that it actually looks, well, intriguing. It’s called “The Loved Ones.” It’s weird. Really, really, really weird. I’d tell you the plot, but it’s better if you watch the trailer without knowing anything about it. Okay well, I’m going to bed now because it’s 10 and I’ve still got school tomorrow. I don’t think we ever went to bed this early this summer. Did we? No, I don’t think so. I think we said we would, but it ended up being closer to 2 or 3…

    Alright, I’ve got to say thank you, dear. Thank you for making me start my morning with a laugh. I’m reading through your “Ultimatum,” and I’ve noticed a couple little typos. I mean, everything is spelled correctly, it’s just maybe not the right word… for instance, the end of the first paragraph. “Yes, this letter is going old fashioned, that means dears, dearlings, honeys, loves…” Did you catch it? Yes. That’s right. Apparently you call me “dearling.” That was great. Thanks so much, dear. Really, I do appreciate it. I needed that bit of humor this morning. But yes. You’re a dork. Glad you already know, darling.

    But goodness. It’s been a long day. Everyone loved the cupcakes, so that was really nice. My French teacher and advisor had two of them and called it her lunch. I actually feel kind of bad about that… I think that I’m just really tired. This weather does that to me. Well, not the weather so much as the warm clothes, hot chocolate, and how early it gets dark. Starting at about five, I just want to curl up and go to bed.

    Oh, by the way, today is Monday the 19th. Just finished watching last night’s episode of the Walking Dead. Is it just me, or is it amazing this season? Yes. Yes, it’s amazing. I can’t get over this. It’s just, there’s so many feelings going on and then Lori died? And now Carole is alive again and so she and Daryl can be together again? Is she going to be okay? Will she make it? What’s going to happen to Glenn and his gal? Andrea, stop it. This guy is a major psycho. There is something wrong with him. And then there’s Earl. I’ve just never liked him. And T Dog died and I was literally crying. Crying. He was my second favorite (Daryl’s my favorite). In the midst of my utter boredom, I took that lil quiz on the website that’s titled “Who Would You Be Most Like?” or something like that, and surprise surprise, T Dog. I was just so attached and then he DIED. He gave his life.

    And now there’s also all these other people? Like oh my god. The druggie prison dude is cool. I actually really like him. And then the black girl whose name escapes me but I know starts with an M. She’s freaking awesome. I could go on for pages about her (well, maybe not literally, but I could ramble for quite a while. But I won’t do that because this is already getting long and it hasn’t even been a week – sorry admins!) and how awesomely amazing she is. But I’ve got a test tomorrow, because we only get three days of school off for Thanksgiving break. Which kind of sort of really sucks. Not gonna lie. I’m really hating pre-calculus. Not even because it’s hard, because it’s not. It’s just really annoying, and it goes at such a slow pace. I swear a second grader could learn the material at the rate we’re going. But anyways. That’s just me I think.

    Oh hey there, dear. What’s up? It’s Tuesday the 20th, and I’m finally on break. Granted, we go back to school Monday, but I’ll take what I get. Today has actually been pretty good. Got some good work done in astronomy, did nothing in physics, had a party in English, made crafts in French, and won a game in history. But then there’s pre-calc. Our teacher thought it’d be nice to have a test today. I finished first (as per normal), and she had it graded by the end of the period. 96%. I’m pleased, but curious as to what I missed.

    I can’t believe that Thanksgiving is in two days… it’s so crazy. I’m going to make some pumpkin spice cupcakes for the folks, and I’m so excited! I’ve always wanted to make some. On a totally unrelated note, I got my hair cut today. Personally, I think it’s a lot shorter now. I’m not sure how I like it, I just hope that it’ll grow out again quickly. It’s really weird because I’ll run my hand through my hair (don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I do that a LOT) and it’ll end before I expect it to. No me gusta. Although it is nice to be rid of all of those split ends, I’ve got to say.

    Gosh. You’d laugh at me. I mean, I’m laughing at myself. You know that website goodsearch? Well, we’ve got our church on there as a charity, and I’ve just been adding one letter to my search. Every search gets us a penny, and so far, in five minutes, I’ve gotten $1.52. Not bad, if I do say so myself! Our youth group WILL make it down to Texas if I’ve got any say in it. My personal goal is to get +$100 by the end of the year. I think I can do it, what about you? Also, we’re making these great t-shirts. Oh my gosh. So there’s this little inside joke about how all the youth are “young and hip,” and Tom is “old and hip-er.” It’s actually really funny. We’re going to put that on the backs of t-shirts, and we’ll all wear them at fundraisers etc. It’s so much fun, let me tell ya.

    Anyways, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I’d just like to say how thankful I am that I’ve got you in my life, dear. You make being such a joy. I mean, not that it isn’t great anyways, don’t get me wrong – I love life – it’s just that you amplify that and make it so much better. Things are far from perfect, but I’m thankful for it nonetheless. It gives us this opportunity to see how strong we can be, how much we can get through together. And personally, I’m betting that we can get through anything. I love you, honey.

    I wish we were able to actually talk. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love dear old youtube. But we both know that’s not really the best idea… It was fun, though. Someday. Twenty-five days and you’ll be reading this doctoral thesis. Hey! Guess what! There’s a moon that orbits Saturn that’s named Prometheus. I was trying to post something on youtube to that extent with a link so you could see a picture of it, but youtube was being mean. Well, still is being mean. It keeps saying “You have recently posted several messages. Please wait for some time before posting another.” I guess it says it nicely, but still.

    Anyways, Prometheus. It’s a funny looking moon. It looks legitimately like a potato. It keeps messing with Saturn’s F ring, though. It actually looks really cool, if you ask me. When you look at a photo, it’s like there’s a silver/white ring and then this potato-shaped object not far from it, and there’s this wave looking thing coming off from the ring and rising up to the potato. It’s actually beautiful. Oh! And the ring of fire nebula is AMAZING. I’m so in love with life. The concept of everything being alive, of stars being born, of solar systems forming all over the universe, it’s all so amazing, beautiful, and mind-bending. I could talk about it for hours, quite literally. One day (and by that I mean sixteen months) we should have a conversation about it. It’s really great.

    Goooooooooooooooooooooooooood afternoon! It’s Wednesday afternoon, and it’s great. Well, minus the dentist today. Generally, I don’t have a problem with them. It’s only when the x-ray deal comes into the picture. Then it’s not alright. But it wasn’t bad, so moving on! I’m making more cupcakes today, and I’m so excited. Pumpkin spice cupcakes with a cinnamon cream cheese icing. I’m hoping they’ll be good, but I have no idea yet. The only pumpkin thing I’ve ever eaten was pumpkin bread, but that was like five years ago. At any rate, I’m excited for these.

    Also, your profile picture. Just. Okay, I can’t think of any real words to say this. It’s just so funny. The first time I saw it I literally burst out laughing and everyone looked at me like I was crazy (but that’s okay because I might actually be). That’s actually a cute fish, though. Well, I imagine that he would’ve been really cute when he was alive. Fish can be so adorable. Could you imagine if there were fish on Io? Oh my gosh, that’d be so amazing. I really hope that we do find some sort of life on Io. I mean, it is possible. Wow. Could you imagine? I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. Oops, this is the end of page seven on the word document, and we’ve still got twenty-four days to go.

    I betcha ol’ Huff n’ Puff wouldn’t/couldn’t write this much. Just kidding. But I still don’t like her.

    Okay, so this is really random and has nothing to do with anything I’ve said earlier (I don’t think, anyways. Can’t really remember what I’ve written in the past days…), but I really like the name Miles. My French teacher has two sons, and they’re named Luke and Miles. And I just really like the name Miles. It’s so cute! And Rigel. That one is fun. Just so you know. Andrea is also a nice name for a little girl. It’s cute. In my opinion, but then there was also Margaux, and we all know how you feel about that.

    Oh guess what! Went to my first Wednesday night church all year. Well, this fall season year. I guess since it was a holiday and not really Wednesday church, it was really empty and, well, boring. Just like the lent services. They’re no fun unless you’ve got friends surrounding you. I just had family. I asked Todd about a month ago (I think) if you went on Wednesdays, and he said you didn’t. I really wish I could go, but my sister hates it and my parents feel like they have to watch me the entire time we’re there. When did church start feeling so much like a prison? But it’s okay, because I know that there’s something absolutely amazing at the end of these fifteen and a half months – you. So I can bear all of this with that in mind.

    Also, I baked the pumpkin spice cupcakes this afternoon. I haven’t had a chance to taste them yet (I don’t want to until I have them iced), but the batter tasted great, they smelled amazing when they were in the oven, and they look gorgeous. With all of that in mind, I think it’s a safe bet to say that they’re going to be delicious. I’ll make the icing tomorrow before we go to our grandparents’ house for Thanksgiving day. It’s going to be so scrumptious! I hope you’re having a really great Thanksgiving. Well, that you will have a great one, since it’s still only Wednesday night.

    Miss you terribly. Yours five-ever. And let’s not forget about dear old Elyfant (I think that’s how we spelled it, I change it literally every time I think about it – continuity is overrated).

    Okay, final thoughts before I head to bed (that rhymed!). So it’s 11:11, bet you can’t imagine what I wished for. I also made a wish at 11:11 this morning. It’s still a goal of mine to make 11 consecutive wishes on 11:11. I think I might have told you that before, but if not, you know now! Alright, so that picture. I nailed the face. It looks awful like the face you give me every time I tell a bad joke. And let’s be honest, that’s pretty often. It’s amazing how well you put up with them. Also, I’m going to make mini bows out of floss and popsicle sticks. So beware! I might inconspicuously shoot you one of these Sundays. You never know!

    Good morning, dear. It’s the day after Thanksgiving (the 23rd), and it’s amazing. I just looked out the window to see this perfect picture of the sun shining out from behind the trees. It’s so gorgeous. And I’m just in this really happy mood, and I can’t stop smiling for some reason. Oh, and did I mention that I, and my sweatshirt, smell like smoke? It’s so great. And then I can hear the birds chirping, and I can just imagine us sitting outside, just being, watching the morning sun and listening to all the birds chirp (but don’t actually look at the sun – a mistake I make daily. It’s making it really hard for me to read my screen now, but that’s okay). I really wish that I could hug you right now. And just never let go.

    That would be so nice. Speaking of nice things, my family went to go see Wreck It Ralph yesterday. Not gonna lie, I got teary once or twice (no more than twice). But anyways, in the preview there was this short called “Paperman.” It was, well. Amazing. I found it on youtube (sorta), and I hope that by the time you’re actually reading this you’ll have watched it. It made me think of us a bit. It was really cute, and I’m just not going to say anything more in case you haven’t already seen it. I hate spoilers so much. But there’s still like three weeks until the 15th, so you should have time to see it.

    I hope you’ve looked up at Orion tonight. He’s beautiful. I can even tell you the names of all his four main stars (except his right foot… I keep forgetting that one). Beteljuice(I think that’s how you spell it) is the left shoulder, Belatrix is the right shoulder, and Rigel is the left foot. I have no clue what the names of his belt are, though. I should probably learn them at some point.. oh well!

    Totally off-topic, but today we saw Skyfall, and it was really good. Really liked it. On the way there and back again (THE HOBBIT (sorry, I thought “There and Back Again”)) I was thinking of all these things I wanted to write down to say to you, and some of it was really great. But, in my typical style, I’ve forgotten all of it. This is why these fifteen and a half months can’t go quickly enough. Then it’ll be much easier for me to tell you things without me forgetting. I think I’m getting Alzheimer’s early…

    Oh yeah! Speaking of getting old early, my back. Yes, my back. It cracks. A lot. If I’m sitting down or not really moving at all for at least 30/45 minutes I can easily crack my back. So the movie today. You know that it’s a fairly longish movie. So all told I was sitting for about two and a half hours. Obviously, when the movie ends, the first thing I do is crack my back and stretch and whatnot. I swear to God I cracked every single little part of my spinal cord. No I’m serious! It was ridiculous. But it felt so amazing.

    Also in the realm of movies, the Hobbit! I’m pushing my dad to let me go to the midnight premier. As of yet, I’ve never been to a single midnight premier in my life. And that kind of makes me sad. Needless to say, I really want to go to this. Wow it’s really cold. Sorry, I can’t focus in this temperature. Maybe it’d be a good idea to wear something other than shorts and to, oh, I don’t know, turn off the fan, but hey! We’ll just say that I’m building endurance. To what? Not a clue. It just makes me feel less lazy. But then, I’m God, so everything I does has a purpose. Alright, okay, God is getting tired. I hope you’ve had a great day off today, dear. Who knows, maybe I’ll see you Sunday! That’s always fun. Seeing and never being able to make eye contact or anything. Just kidding, I really hate it. At least there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, right?

    There is, who am I kidding? Oh, by the way it’s a new day now. 8:45 on a beautiful Saturday morning and I’m still yawning. I think I might make some hot chocolate and sit outside. Well, that’d be the idea. It would more likely go something like this: I would be all excited, making my hot chocolate, do a little dance when it’s all done and ready. Then I’d walk outside, stand there for a moment, say “nope.” to myself, and then walk back inside. Why? Because it’s freaking COLD outside. I’m not really a fan of the cold.

    Also, for whatever crazy reason, my dog is shedding a ton. It’s winter. Shouldn’t he be, oh I don’t know, keeping his fur for warmth? I would. I wonder what kind of dog I’d be. Hm. I’ll ponder that one today. Anyways, I am going to make breakfast for myself. I’m thinking nutella and banana crepes? Yes. I’m doing that. It’s decided.

    Well, it’s 8:25 at night now, and I still remember how those crepes really didn’t turn out like I wanted them to. But no matter! They still tasted delicious. I’ve gotten a substantial amount of Christmas shopping done, so that’s good. Just have to actually make everything now (I’m a firm believer in the idea that gifts you make yourself are the best). You know, the riverwalk. I have never in my life felt simultaneously so safe, happy, and loved. Well, and warm. The temperature was great, not gonna lie. I also recall you being “late.” What was it by? No more than six minutes. You were always late by exactly that much (and when I say always, I mean twice). No but really! I made note of that because it was interesting to me.

    Also, that tree was tiny. Don’t let your ego get too big just because you got your arms around both me and tree. Most nights I fall asleep with the highlights of that night running through my mind. I wonder what the differences between our highlights would be/I wonder if they’re really all that different.

    Oh, and I have to thank you. For really all of my life, I’ve never thought in pictures. It’s just not something my mind was ever able to do. So every time someone would say “Picture this,” or “Imagine you’re at the beach” or something to that extent, I could never visualize it, I could never see it in my mind’s eye. I could never play old memories back through my head. Everything was just really detailed words and intricate phrases. It was like reading a novel rather than flipping through a picture book. But ever since this summer, I’ve starting thinking in pictures, and oh my god, it’s really something else. To be able to see something in your head with your eyes closed? To be able to imagine that you’re back in another day? To be able to make yourself think that someone is actually there with you – no matter how briefly you make it a reality. It’s so amazing. And I need to thank you for that. So thank you, Rob. Thank you, dear, for opening my mind up to something as new (to me) and amazing as seeing something in my head. I know that all this may seem trite or insignificant as it seems (from my perspective, at least) that this is something that everyone does all the time. But for me it’s been a totally new experience. So thank you. I love you so much, dear. I’ll see you in my dreams tonight, and maybe even at church tomorrow (but I’m not sure if I even really count that as seeing you).

    So I did SEE you, and that was nice. But on the flip side, it was also kind of torture. To have you so close but to not even be able to make eye contact with you was just really, well, not fun. Lord knows I tried my best not to look in your direction, but Lord also knows that that failed miserably. Chase really likes you. It’s really cute, actually. Oh, and I’ve started playing Words with Sariina. I still feel iffy about all that though. I just keep reminding myself that it’s us, not anything else. I guess that was an odd way to phrase it, but it’s how I think about it in my head. It will always be just me and you, and no one, regardless of their age, station in life, looks, or anything, will get between that.

    It’s really nice to be so certain of that. There’s not really anything else I can be totally certain of. Right now everything is kind of in a delicate balance. My future is going to be largely determined by whatever college I attend (crossing my fingers for UNC Chapel Hill), which is dependent on the grades I get now, which depend totally on me, and if I mess this up, well, you can see where that’ll go. Every grade matters now. I mean, they were important before, just not nearly so much as they are now. Everything I do outside of school matters, too. And it’s not enough just to have really great grades. Now you need all of these extra-curricular activities and clubs. With what I do, I’m just not certain that I’ll get in where I want to. Therefore, I’m not certain of what’s going to happen with my life. But I’m certain that I’ll have you, no matter where I end up or what happens.

    Hey! Guess what I just realized! The walking dead comes on tonight. That’s super exciting. Sorry, there was literally no transition there. I just realized it was Sunday and then that it’d be coming on tonight. It actually sort of sucks, because we don’t have cable anymore because no one really watches tv at our house. So that means I always have to wait until Monday before I can watch it. But it’s totally worth the wait oh my god. This season is amazing. Thank you so much for pestering me to watch this show. I’m so in love with it. I need to find more people that watch it, though, so I can talk about it with them rather than just internalize everything that happens. Like Lorie’s death. Uhm, WHAT. And Carole is alive? Cray-cray. I feel like I’ve already written about this. Have I? I probably have. Rats.

    Well, I hope you can stand that bit of a repeat. Also, I’m really loving Hershel and the black gal whose name starts with an M. The Mayor creeps me out, though. Why did Andrea have to fall for him. I remember the first time that Andrea was introduced to the show. I wasn’t too keen on her. Now I’m just like “eh” whenever I see her. Well, I was until she became such a freaking central character. Although I’m glad it was her that got separated from the group. I wouldn’t want anyone else to be. I miss T-Dog so much.

    Anyways! I’ll stop talking (or writing, as it were) about all of that now. Instead, this god-awful weather. This seriously sucks. I know that you like the cold (still don’t understand why), but I’m definitely not its biggest fan. Oliver seems to like it for some reason. He’ll just stand outside and watch all the birds and squirrels. He gets a lot of joy out of chasing them. But anyways, all I think the cold is good for is bonfires, socks, and hot chocolate. And I do that year round anyways. Although it does make showers seem even hotter than usual. That’s a plus. Other than that, I can’t really think of anything. So I don’t really like winter.

    Alrighty, so. You posted on your channel (you’d be surprised at the number of times I check. It’s honestly a bit much, even I recognize that), and I’ve got to reply. Should not have done what I just did, but oh well. I won’t reply to anything else that might appear tonight, that’s how I’ll reconcile that. But anyways. The hat. That hat, my dear, is a wonderful thing. But apparently my sister didn’t really like it, or thought it was too ridiculous, as she made me take it off. You undoubtedly noticed that.

    Uhm okay. So maybe I told myself I wouldn’t, but I actually did. I did resist for about ten minutes though! An all-time record for me. And with Katie being an intermediary, I feel like we’re going to end up doing something before I’m 18. That makes me both happy and worried, although almost more worried. Because I know we shouldn’t, beyond a shadow of a doubt I know that, it’s just, the desire to go against that is so… much. If you get what I’m saying, that’s all rather convoluted.

    Okay so, last night. That was really, really nice. But you’re right – we can’t do again, as much as I’d like to. You’ll probably notice sometime today that on my channel I’ve had to get rid of a lot of stuff. That’s because last night my dad started to get suspicious. He does that anytime I’m up past 9:30 and typing. And, as per usual, he came over and looked at my screen. You’ll have to forgive my abrupt leaving, that was why. I had my school emails up and I was typing a reply to that, so he really just thinks that I was doing a bunch of emailing last night. At least, that’s my understanding of it all. So anyways, I’ve taken a bunch of precautions about it all. I just spent literally twenty minutes going through all of my history back to August to get rid of anything that they could see as you and I.

    Now I just need to figure out what to do with this document. I really wish I had a flash drive. Actually, there’s probably one somewhere downstairs. If I can put it on a flash drive then I can totally erase it from my computer. That would probably be best. At least for a couple of weeks until this all blows over again. Oh don’t worry, I’ll keep on writing. I’m thinking what I’ll do is just open a random word document each day and type each day’s stuff on there, and then open the flashdrive and put it onto this document each night or morning. Haven’t decided which yet, but then, this is all dependent on me getting a flashdrive. Just checked. No flashdrive. Alrighty then, I’ll spend today figuring out what to do with it instead.

    But last night, that was so great. I haven’t been so happy in a while. I mean, I’ve been bouncing along, but that was so wonderful. I loved being able to talk to you (even if it wasn’t easy to stifle my laughter at times) and see how you are. I’m so sorry for everything negative I’ve been the cause of. If I could find a way to go back and take all of that away, I would. Believe me, I would. Although it does sort of, not unnerve, but I don’t like having people not like me. It’s pretty much a first for me.

    Thank you so much for not telling me about the Walking Dead. I would have seriously been upset. I’m really excited to watch the episode today. I’m hoping that I won’t have much homework tonight, so that I’ll be able to easily slide it in. It’s seriously my favorite show. Sorry to abruptly change subject again, but I really miss you. Last night has almost made it that much more painful to not have you around. The really exciting thing, though, is that I only have three weeks until Christmas break, and second semester flies by. So does summer. And then we’ll only have six months to go. Time is a crazy thing.

    Gah. The internet is not being my friends today. I’m trying to watch the Walking Dead episode from last night, and it’s just not cooperating. I got about half through (I was at 17:06, to be specific) when the internet gave me that little exclamation mark and was like “haha I’m not working for you anymore loser” and then the video just stopped. Not okay. I’m trying to get it to load again, but who knows. I really wish we still had cable. If only for this reason. But anyways, so far the episode is cracking out to be pretty much what I expected. I feel so bad for Glenn, though. He’s a great character, and likely my second favorite. Well, top three. Daryl is my favorite it, and then the black-girl-whose-name-I-can-ever-remember and Glenn are the other two. Don’t ask me to rank them, because I don’t think that I could.

    But in other news, I found a place to store this lovely document. I’d tell you, but I don’t really want that published on the internet. Just a little precaution of my own, but I’ll tell you that it’s a clever little place. I’m actually a little proud of myself for thinking of it. But no really, today has been amazing, school and all. Hayley and I, oh gosh. We’re characters. We have quite a love/hate relationship, mostly in that we love to hate each other. We always have this competition to see who is the suckiest. I found out the name of the world’s largest named number today in an attempt to beat her (I won, don’t worry). It’s called a “Googolplexian” and it’s HUGE. Google it, it has its own website it’s that freaking awesome.

    OOH, my video is loading! Perfect. Now it’ll only be an hour until I can watch it. The internet and I are not very good friends today. But on a totally different note, I’m going to do something for you for Christmas. That’s all you get to know. I’ll figure out a way to get it to you. I’ve already got a bunch of ideas running through my head. I’m actually really excited for this.

    I really hope that your bio project went well (still don’t know why you enjoy it so much). I don’t know about you, but I had a really hard time falling asleep after that. I just kept smiling there in bed, too happy to fall asleep. It’s a problem I’d gladly live with all the time. Although I feel like if I was with you, I’d be able to easily fall asleep. Not that the lock-in would agree with that. But wow am I exhausted. I almost fell asleep during physics class today, which was an absolute first. Hopefully it’ll also be a last. Oh, you know what’s really super exciting? Only fourteen more school days until Christmas break. We only have three weeks. I’m so excited for break.

    It means I’ll be that much closer to being 17, and thus 18. It’s weird, getting older is really a double-edged sword to me. On one hand, I’m really, really excited to get older. I mean, I’ve got you in my future. Anyone would be elated by that (reference every girl you know). But on the other hand, I’m getting older. That’s just weird. I’m going to be an adult? Uhm what. No? Adults are always the people who tell me what to do, and I’ll be one of them? It’s just really weird to me, but it’s also so very exciting.
    Overall, though, I’d have to say that I’m really excited for our wait to finally be over. I love you, Rob. I love you so very much. And with that, I’m going to go finish watching the Walking Dead, because it has finally finished loading. I hope you’re having a wonderful, wonderful night, darling. Also, we’re never naming any of our kids Judith.

    Don’t know if you can tell from my youtube post or not, but I’m frustrated. And tired. And me being frustrated and tired is not a good combination. I’m really sick of politics. I’m just DONE with it. What with the election and everything? Just no, no more. I will exert the Force upon the next person to even so much as mention the damned thing. And English? No. We should not be having history lessons in English class. We should not be having politics in English. We should be analyzing freaking documents. Reading books. Not having them bloody read to us. Just so tired of it.

    Luckily spotify was there for me. I found a couple of good artists, and one that I really, really like. If you check my channel any time before the 15th, then you’ll see them. The Air I Breathe. I couldn’t really tell you what exactly it is about them that I really like, what it is that really sticks out to me. It’s just their overall sound, really. The music meshes so well with the voices, and it’s got a nice, fast tempo so I don’t get bored. They make me really happy. Anyways… I need to go to bed now, otherwise I’ll be a huge mess tomorrow. Nobody wants that, trust me. I’ll see you later, dear, and hopefully in my dreams. Miss you so much.

    Well. Today has been pretty good so far. History class seems to have changed the way it works. It used to be that people would constantly talk over each other in an attempt to take the floor, and it was always the same people. But now those couple of people have really stopped talking for the most part. It’s kind of nice in a way, but it’s also really weird. Like today, for instance. At the very beginning of class the teacher asked us why we thought he assigned the reading (real quick so you can understand the basic dynamics of the class: the class is entirely discussion based. We have no real tests or quizzes. Your grade comes entirely from your class participation and how well prepared you are to discuss, how well you analyze the document, how well you voice your opinions, and of what quality those opinions are). I answered because nobody else was, and I figured that someone else would follow up. Nope. It was just awkward silence for about a minute before I decided it might be a good idea for me to expand upon what I said and allow someone else to have more to go off. Still a no-go. No one would say anything and it was one of those really uncomfortable silences.

    It’s just really weird. I’ve somehow become one of the main talkers, at least for this week. Not totally sure how I feel about all this. I mean, I’ve made some good points (I feel), but I don’t really like talking quite so much. But then again, it’ll also make my grade better. So far I haven’t been able to get even a B+ in that class. It’s actually my hardest class. But that’s just me.

    I’m glad you got your bio test done, and I hope you did well. Knowing you, you likely did. But it’s almost time for me to go to English class. It’s actually not that bad – when we don’t do anything productive. The thing is, our teacher reads the book out loud to us, as if we can’t understand it any other way. We don’t read at home and then come and discuss the main themes, motifs, writing style, plot, symbolism, what the author is trying to get at. Nothing. He’ll tell us the things that he wants us to know, and that’s it. So much time is wasted by him reading. It’s really hard for me to even take the class seriously. For instance, there’s this pretty big paper that we’ve known about since the beginning of the school year due exactly a week from today on the 4th, and I have done next to nothing to start it. All I know is the person I’ll be writing about. Haven’t even found sources. And the thing is, I probably won’t even start it until this weekend. Minimal effort is required to have an A in his class. So that’s exactly what I give him – minimal effort. It’s probably the easiest AP class in existence. But anyways, to his class I go!

    Actually, just to follow up with that, class wasn’t bad at all. He read us the book, sure, but we wasted at least a third of the time joking and telling stories. Needless to say I laughed a lot. That’s the one thing that class is really good for – making you laugh. Well, if he’s in a good mood. Which he is most days. But anyways, I hope your car is okay. Or at least that she will be. Granted, I don’t have the best memory as to what she looks like (the last and most vivid memory was in the dark-ish, and she wasn’t exactly the focus of my attention), but I really like her color. I’m a fan of blue, needless to say. I mean, half of all the dresses I own are blue. But anyways, I really hope she’ll be alright.

    Last night was really nice. Today’s Wednesday the 28th, just so you know. But it was really, really great. I got my best night’s sleep in a while. I feel like I dreamed, but I have no clue what I actually dreamed about. I feel like that’s always the worst. I hope that you slept really well, too. Sorry for asking you a question like that and then not following up with it. By the time you’re reading this it’ll be ten days till Christmas, and so I’ll just tell you that it involves a Christmas present of sorts. I’ve been planning it in my head for a couple of days now, and I think I know how it’s all going to go down. Can’t tell ya, though. Sorry! Presents are more fun when they’re surprises. At least, that’s my view on it.

    I really wish that you could indent on this thing. If I could change anything about this site, it’d be that. But I love it so much, that it’s really okay. All the good of this just overwhelms that one little thing. On a totally different note, this weather really isn’t that great. I mean, I guess it’s okay, but I’m just not a fan at all. It’s too cold in the mornings for my taste, and then it isn’t even somewhat warm until around 12 or 2. Yesterday was awful. It started raining right as I was walking from Ragland to East Park. The largest distance between academic buildings on our campus. That was really cold rain. I’d rather it either just be cold with no rain, or snow. One extreme or the other – none of this middle-ground crap.

    This is totally random and has nothing to do with anything I’ve said, but last night I was thinking about fear. I know, it was a really random topic for my mind to land on, especially considering that I had been talking to you. I think that what actually happened was that you had asked if I was safe, and that got me thinking. I’m actually always worried, every night, to be honest, that there’s someone in the house. That’s my biggest fear. I obsessively lock every single door and window in the house before I’m asleep, and then I always worry that there’s someone hiding somewhere. It’s the really dark patches that worry me. My dad calls them the “Dark Shadows” and seems to think that we should travel in them at night to stay safe – because there totally won’t be any creepers already in them. It’s actually a subject of much comical debate in our family.

    Anyways, I’ve got an awful day of school ahead. Well, not totally awful. I do have a block period of pre-calc (that means 90 minutes), and that’s pretty much equivalent to 180 minutes in hell. Well, minus the heat. Although it is actually pretty warm half the time.

    Oh hey there. You’re still reading? That’s pretty impressive, seeing as the end of this sentence marks the 9800th word. I meant to write more yesterday, but then I started working on essays and papers and annotated bibliographies and math homework and I was just really tired, and so I had to go to bed before I lost yet more of my sanity. I need all I can get, and let’s face it – that’s a pretty small amount. But anyways, today was great, minus astronomy. Astronomy would have been wonderful, if not for the fact that I (well, my table of three people) lost the game. So there was a class/lecture on Mars, and then they gave us notecards to write down as many facts as we remembered on it. Once all the tables did that, we each said a fact we had, and if someone else had it as well, then we both had to cross it off. The person with the most uncrossed facts won. So it’s actually a decent game, right? It would be if any accurate fact counted. But no.

    Because you see, dear, I also called upon my knowledge from outside of the class. If those facts had been accepted (and they were 100% accurate, let me tell you), then we would have won. So frustrated. I absolutely hate losing because of something like that. Well I mean, I don’t really like losing period. Although I do hate tying even more. That’s the absolute worst because then no one actually won. There can only be one victor. Hey, we should play scrabble some time! That’s one of my all-time favorite games. I just like board games period, though.

    But anyways. I know in my heart of heart that I was the real winner. Okay, to go away from that topic, I’m really sore. It’s a good sore, but it’s starting to get a tad annoying, also, it should be going away. I’ve been stretching every night (not something I normally, but it’s been necessary), and it’s not really doing much of anything. I think that I might start also stretching in the morning and doing more active stretches, rather than mostly passive ones. My goal is to get my middle split by the end of high school. That’s a fairly long time, so I think it should be a pretty attainable goal.

    Speaking of the end of high school, college, and college applications, I’m starting to look into possibly doing something with/at the planetarium this summer. That would be an absolute dream! Also, my dad found this writing competition thingy for astronomy, and it looks really interesting. Only thing is, the essays were due this July. There’s always the next time around, I suppose. At least, I really hope so. At any rate, I’m really hoping to find something astronomy-related to do this summer. That would just be fabulous.

    But for now, I’m going to go to bed. I’m exhausted and it’s somehow 9:30 already. I told myself I’d be in bed by 9 just to try to balance out the amount of work I have with the amount of sleep I could really use, but that didn’t happen. I started looking for that writing competition thingy I mentioned, and then I started looking for more things for the Jupiter lesson that we’re presenting on Monday. I found a really great one on NASA about the Juno probe, but then it wouldn’t embed in the powerpoint so I think I might give up on that one. For now, anyways. Monday is going to be so much fun. I’m baking star-shaped sugar cookies Sunday afternoon, and everyone that fills out the (really simple) worksheet we hand out will get a cookie. Good idea, no? It requires people to pay attention, but also rewards them for it. I find that works the best at my school.

    Oh, one final note. It’s nice that you get as much joy out of socks as you would from snuggling with me. Hey, you’re the one who worded it so loosely, not me! But I’ll take it as a compliment. Socks give me a ton of happiness and make me feel so much warmer. It’s crazy what all they can do (but I’d still like to think that snuggling with me is better than wearing socks). Have a wonderful, wonderful night and day tomorrow. I’ll see you on Saturday, darling. I love you, so much.

    Apparently I’m foolish for not seeing the importance in wearing a watch when I take the SAT tomorrow. I just don’t see why it’s necessary. I’ve never had any kind of problem with any kind of timed test I’ve ever taken. I’m sure as hell not starting tomorrow. I’ve got pretty much everything together, and I’m just not really worried about it at all. I’ve never really been one to absolutely freak out about a test, rather I tend to take everything in stride (for the most part). Honestly, I think that the most important thing about testing is to dress in layers so you can be comfortable. I can’t test well at all if I’m not comfortable, I’ll just keep getting distracted every five minutes. If there’s any one part of the test that I’m worried about, it’d have to be the essay portion. But I’m sure that I’ll pull it off. And in any event, I can always take it again later if I get a bad score. Although I’m really hoping that I’ll get a good one so that I can prove everyone who has critiqued me wrong. I don’t like having everyone tell me that I’m wrong, and then everyone also saying that I need to correct what I’m doing in different ways.

    No, guys. Just no. If you’re all going to tell me that I’m wrong, then you need to agree on what it is. I think I just “prepare” for tests differently. And by prepare, I mean not study and just focus on being well-rested. Anyways, I’m really, really excited for tomorrow. I’ve been looking forward to it these past couple of days. It’s been getting me through my week. Next week is going to be hell week. I’ll have either a paper due or a test every single day or the week. Not to mention homework. I really hate pre-calc, but then, I think that you know that by now. Sorry, dear. I complain about school too much. I really am grateful for it, I swear. I just don’t always think that it’s as good as it could be, not by a long shot.

    Oh gosh, I don’t know about you, but I’m having a hard time concentrating right now. Only three hours and four minutes until seven. Until I get to talk to you. Somehow I was able to focus on the SAT this morning (I think that it was because I was so tired that I couldn’t think about anything other than what was right in front of me, and even then I had a moderately difficult time keeping myself all the way awake). I’m trying to write my essay for English, and it’s just not quite working out. Well, actually I’m finding all the sources that I need so that’s a good thing. I’ve currently got 568 words, and 1000 is the absolute max. Blech. It’s a stupid paper, too.

    Actually, I shouldn’t say that. It’s better than any of the other papers we’ve had to write for this class. And by that, I mean it’s got a real topic. Everything else has been a compare/contrast, or write what the teacher thinks sort of thing. Too easy and trivial to count as a real essay. This is actually a decent one in that it’s actually a national essay competition. It’s the Profiles In Courage one where you have to write about an elected official who showed some sort of political courage by going against the wishes of his or her constituents, but it has to have been after 195-something. You can look it up if you want, I honestly don’t remember because it’s really pretty insignificant.

    Or maybe they only try to make it insignificant when really it’s saying a lot about our country. Maybe political courage was something that was often seen before the 50’s, that people would stand up for their beliefs, what they felt was right for the country, their state, no matter what, but that now people only do what their constituents say so that they can maintain their position. Maybe they’re trying to say that the quality of politicians has gone down drastically. That, or they just figured it’d be too hard to find five good sources for something before then (“they” being the people who run the competition).

    Rob, thank you so much. Last night was amazing. I was so happy and it was just so wonderful to talk to you again. I only wish it wasn’t so rare. The only thing that could possibly be construed as not great from last night is just how much I miss you. I miss you so much. Everything about you – you voice, your smile, your arms around me, those looks you give me when I’m being utterly crazy (or just making really, really bad jokes). I miss sitting next to you (even though it only happen enough times that I could count it on both of my hands easily, and possibly only one hand), I even miss you holding me and I don’t like having my feet off the ground. I would love so much to be able to be by your side again.

    But we have to wait. However, we are going to go to the park, dear. It has to happen. That’s going to be such a hectic, hectic, lovely, perfect week. My shirt is absolutely covered in flour and powdered sugar. I guess this is what happens when you have a fun time making lots of sugar cookies. Please remind me to never eat raw sugar cookie dough again since it seems to be giving me a really bad stomachache.

    You know, I’m thinking that any kind of horror, silent, good, bad, whatever, just isn’t a very good way to help me stop missing you so very much. It does quite the opposite, actually. Rather, they make me wish you were closer so that I know that I’d never have to be afraid of any of that.

    So, today is actually a really great day. I’ve got to thank you for that, dear. You’ve been running through my head all day (more than the norm, which is a frankly astronomical amount on its own), and I just can’t stop smiling. Well, actually there was a point where I wasn’t smiling. But that was because I was recounting Absentia and I was at the part where the girl left the group, walked into a different room, and closed the door. Stupid. Never do that. But other than that, I’ve been smiling pretty much all day. Also, history was a work-on-your-papers day, physics was a test, astronomy was a presentation, and pre-calc was notes, and then I left school before assembly. It’s really great.

    I feel so free, being home before 4. This gives me plenty of time to finish my papers and work on the annotated bibliography… and watch the Walking Dead. I’ve got it buffering in another window as we speak (or rather, as I type). Speaking of me typing, admins, I am so sorry. I really am. I also admire you for your dedication in reading this far, and for how many letters you read every day. You are so wonderful.

    This is actually a really great episode, though. The only bad thing about this is buffering. Also, have you seen the sky today? It’s amazingly blue with wisps of almost transparent clouds. The ravine is full of reaching brown branches spotted with red leaves and green pines. It’s really beautiful. Okay but to go back to the walking dead. So I let it buffer for a good long while, it looked like it’d be fine. But no! It stopped. Right in the middle of the scene where the Governor and the black gal are fighting it out in his freaking WEIRD and MESSED UP room that somehow Andrea has never wondered about. Like what the heck. If she was there just for a little while and heard his “daughter” banging around, then how did Andrea never even notice it? Is she really that gullible? That desperate for life to go back to what it was? C’mon, girl. Life is never going to be same. Not with all these walkers.

    But seriously, this is one of my favorite shows. Actually, I think it is my favorite. OH! Great news! I’m likely going to have a paying job at my school now. I’m not totally 100% sure yet, but I will know on Friday! That’s really exciting, since it means zero commute to have to get there. Although it kind of sucks because I’ll almost always be at either work or school. Eh, oh well. It’ll be so worth it in the long run. Now I just need to think about a summer job.

    Buffering why you so mean? I swear it almost all the way buffered, and then it totally just stopped. At 10 minutes until the end of the show. And I’m having a really hard time getting it to buffer but I need to know how this is going to end. Like, this isn’t okay. In any way. Blaaaphfsk. Okay, I’m just going to give up on it now. I’ll watch it later tonight when I’ve gotten these essays off my back and I’ve got more patience for it. I hope you’re having a really good day, dear. The weather is amazing – it doesn’t feel at all like December. But I’ll take it!

    No but, I really am scared. Or, maybe that’s not quite the right word. But I’m worried, nervous, and anxious. Things that all combine to be something very similar. My dad was just looking at the blog. I just finished reading it. I love how I’m still 15 in that.

    Well, it’s the morning of the fourth now. I remember that last night I was thinking of all these things I wanted to tell you about, all these memories that were just resurfacing – all the little things. But they’ve all gone completely out of my head now. That happens a lot; I’ll be lying in bed thinking of all these great things to write about, remembering all these things and being unable to stop smiling, and then I’ll completely forget them by the next morning. Actually, a lot of the time I forget that I was thinking about them. One of my favorite memories though, this one I recall from last night, was when we were at Brave. Well, not really AT the movie – it was right after the movie when we were in the parking lot and you hugged me (and picked me up, even though that was obviously not something I was a fan of). I think back on that and wonder what people thought when they saw us, or how we might have looked. But above all that, I can’t help but to be so happy when I remember anything like that. You, my dear, always make me smile.

    So I think that’s why I’m so sure that we’ll be okay through all this. Yes, I’m scared. I don’t know what will or won’t happen. What my parents will or won’t do. What Paul will or won’t do. I’m almost completely in the dark, and that scares me. The dark and I aren’t the best of friends except for when I’m in my bed at night. But I’ve got you, and so it’ll all be okay. Darling, I love you so much. I’m so glad that you’re in my life.

    Yoga today was absolutely wonderful (it’s the 4th now). Since today was so amazingly beautiful, we decided to have class outside. Also, what was even better was that it was pretty much entirely assisted stretches, which feel so amazing. You can just get such a deeper stretch with having an extra set of hands to push, pull, or whatever. Also, we did headstands and handstands! Now, to you that’s probably all child’s play. Not quite so for me (at least the way we had to do it in yoga). It was a blast, despite how much my head hurts at the moment.

    I don’t know about you, but Christmas music irks me. Well, most of the time. I can tolerate it on Christmas day, at very explicitly Christmas events, or even in background for a little while (although only at a certain volume – if it’s too soft I’ll feel like it’s gnawing on my subconscious, or that I’m going crazy because I won’t recognize that it’s coming from outside of my head at first). But no matter the time or place, I don’t love it. It’s too repetitive, upbeat, and just… I don’t know the word for it. It’s just not my cup of tea.

    But on something that I do quite enjoy, astronomy! Next Tuesday our class is all going to get to school early and look at Jupiter, Saturn, and Venus through the telescope. Now, the only thing about this, is that we have to finish BY 6 at the latest because the sun rises so darn early now. And I’ve got a sister that has to wake up. And a parent that has to drive me. SO, right now we’re (me and Hayley) thinking that I’ll spend Monday night at school and sleep in Hayley’s dorm. This would be fabulous, although no work would get done. Actually, work would have to get done I think. The boarders have some study hall thing from 7-9 every night where they HAVE to work, but after that, we’ll watch horror movies until the wee hours of the morn. I’m actually really, really excited. I just have to ask my folks and then clear it with the school. If I were to just stay over they’d have a conniption fit. You have to have everything you do cleared with them at LEAST a week in advance, although I think this should be fine.

    Oh wow, I’m so excited for break. It’s crazy close. Just this week and next week, and then I’ll be free until January! I really hope that none of my teachers will give me work to do over break. Lord knows I won’t get anything done, no matter how many times I might tell myself that I will. Anyways, I’ve got a pre-calc test tomorrow, and I need to do my homework from last night since I didn’t do it and I want to make sure that I’m prepared enough for this test. I’m sure I am, though. Actually, you know what? I don’t think I will do it. I’ve gotten everything that I have done right, so I’m not worried and I’m too tired to do math. I’m really starting to get sick of pre-calc. That said, I should probably work on my essay for history instead. Four and a half pages strong, I should be done within one and a half or two more pages tops. I just hope that I get a good grade on it. My history papers are the hardest – he’s the only teacher I’ve ever had to actually do a good job grading. My English teacher pretty much just skims it, gives maybe one comment along the lines of, “great transition!” and puts a grade in the range of 90-100 at the bottom. Needless to say, I don’t take his papers very seriously.

    I thought that this lockdown would be easier than it is. I don’t know how you were able to do this for a whole month. I really don’t think that I could. I check your channel somewhere around ten times a day (I know, it’s a little much, but when it’s the only communication you have…) just to see if maybe you posted something. I’ve also checked this lovely, lovely website (thanks again, admins! Kudos for reading this far) – just in case. Darling, I miss you so much. I hope everything is okay. You make me so happy, despite all of these papers, homework, and general stress. Just 466 days, 66 weeks, 11,184 hours, 671,040 minutes, or 40,262,400 seconds. That number for seconds seems surprisingly low for that long, although I’ll gladly accept it. And, of course, just ten days until the Hobbit and the beginning of Christmas break! And possibly more importantly, just eleven days until you get to read this, and I get to read yours.

    Well rats. That means I have eleven days to come up with a title for this. Well, more of a subtitle. What about “The Bear and the Koala: The Koala’s Love”? No. That’s no good. A Day In the Life of a Koala? No. Again, no good. Uhmm. The Koala’s Dissertation. YES. I like that. Okay, I’m going to write that at the top of the document so that I won’t forget. Because that would suck. Ha, I like that. That’s just my natural charm and wit shining through. Have a wonderful, wonderful night, darling. I’ll be seeing you in my dreams. I love you.

    Oh wow. Today has been superb. I don’t know if you checked my facebook page (just kidding – I do know, and you did) or not, BUT, I posted this one link to a NASA/JSC WISH program deal. I’m applying for that. I don’t care that I have to write two essays, a letter to our Senator, and get someone to write a letter of recommendation, I’m doing it. Also, it’ll just be amazing. I really really really really hope I get in. The only thing that could be a possible down side is that there’s like eight different projects that are due, beginning just two weeks after the first “meeting.” That’s the other thing – there’s no physical meetings. It’s made up of people from all over the country, so we’ll all have to communicate via the internet and emailing. I am so excited for this. Wow I’m so jittery about it. This could be a dream, dear. It could make any possible for career for me in the sciences. Well, that might be a bit of an exaggeration, but it would certainly do a lot. Not to mention how much fun it would be!

    Could you image? Helping to plan a mission to Mars? It’s surreal. Absolutely surreal. It’s certainly a nice reprieve from school. School is absolutely hectic – it’s legitimately hell week right now. And next week. I’ve got tests nearly every day, and there’s just a ton of work. I get it, though, because the teachers just want to get some more grades in their grade books before break, since we won’t be able to have any when we come back.

    Speaking of work, I finished my history essay no more than ten minutes ago! How’s that for feeling accomplished? Just over six pages with six various (and very reliable because they’re all primary) sources. Feeling very proud of myself. And also very tired. I’m so very ready for this week to be over. Not to mention our little five day lockdown. I still don’t quite know how you did it for a full month.

    Darn it. It’s only Thursday. I woke up this morning thinking just two days. Wait. It is just two days! I just had three days in my head for whatever reason. I thought I was so wrong and I don’t even know. It’s just too early for me. My brain is fried from school this week. Luckily there’s just today, tomorrow, and next week. And then break. For a long while. That will be wonderful. I’m really excited to read your letter, dear. I’m actually more excited to read it than I am to see the Hobbit, although both a really exciting. Hm. I need a worth other than exciting. Eh, oh well. I’ll just end this paragraph here and head on to school, in the hopes that your day is absolutely wonderful, and in the knowledge that I love you and you love me.

    I’m actually not sure if I wrote this morning. I feel like I did, though. I guess I could always scroll back up and check, but hey. We both know that I’m lazy when it comes to things like that. BUT! I’ve got really EXCITING news! I went and talked with the Buildings and Grounds person, we’ll call him Poss so I can use a name, and I’ve got a job! The only thing is that it’s barely anything and probably won’t take me more than a week to finish. I only say a week because I have very limited time to work there, except for on Thursdays. It’s all just sorting files in alphabetical order, and that’s just a good time. It’s minimum wage, but that’s cool with me. It can’t go down from there! Besides, you’ve gotta start somewhere.

    The only thing that I’m finding I don’t like about this, is the number of papers and forms and whatnot that I’ve got to fill out. On the up side of that, though, my print is getting better, as opposed to my normal handwriting. Also, we had our first meeting for the debate (it’ll be in March) today. We’ll either be debating some aspect of abortion, or whether or not NASA’s budget should be cut in response to the economy. Surprise surprise, I suggested that second one. I actually find the economy an interesting subject, although not all the time, and it’s something that people should definitely be aware of. Also, nobody really has any set ideas on the subject, so it won’t be nearly as hard to sway people, as compared to people standing in their beliefs regarding abortion because of religious ties. I’m hoping that we’ll choose to do NASA’s budget.

    Anyways. I’m really excited for Saturday. Not because of anything I’m doing (actually I sort of am, but I didn’t realize I had anything on the schedule until just a few hours ago), but because it means the end of the five day lock down, and just a week until letters! Actually on Saturday we’re doing this Christmas shopping thingy with a whole bunch of other people, and I’m totally sure what it is yet. I’ll probably write more about it later, though. So fear not! Just keep reading, and you’ll hear about it.

    Rob. I really miss you. I miss when my parents weren’t skeptical of us (granted, there was a point when there was nothing to be skeptical of), when we’d talk every night. Remember that? I do. Gosh, I sounded like such an idiot. But then, I know we’ll probably come across this someday in our future, and I’ll think the exact same thing about myself. On a random side note (there’s a direct link in my mind), the little stuffed animal bears from Brave that Disney has been making are super cute, soft, and fluffy. We were in the Disney store today looking for something for our little Angel Tree girl, and I saw them, and my thoughts went immediately back to you. You know what else I find adorable?

    Little kid clothes. C’mon. You can’t possibly tell me that they’re not cute. I’ll probably actually be the worst mom, in that I’ll insist upon them wearing the geekiest, cutest, most adorable little clothes (until they can protest). They’re just so adorable! And all the cute little boys in their sweater-vests looking so grown up? It’s just so precious! Not to mention the little girls all dressed up and walking around. Kids are so cute. Sometimes I wish I could just be a kid again (such as when filling out forms) and have naptime at school.

    Naptime would be wonderful. Although I guess for most people that just equates to free period. Oh wait, that’s right. Haven’t got one. But that’s totally okay because I’m taking astronomy in place of it. Why relax and un-stress yourself when you could…. Garner more stress from an extra class! No but in all honesty, astronomy takes away my stress. It’s not that serious of a class, and it’s a ton of fun. We mostly have projects, with maybe two or three weeks per quarter of lecturing. It’s really great.

    Also, tomorrow is the grade-level dinner/Secret Santa/tacky-sweater contest. Oh yes. I am ready for this tacky-sweater deal. We actually had a school-wide tacky sweater (I’m tired of typing the dash when I could just press the space button, sorry) day today, but I accidentally forgot so I didn’t really dress up for that. HOWEVER, I am prepared for tomorrow. That will make up for today. Or at least, that’s the goal.

    Also, on another note, I’ve arranged to give Morgan something during the Christmas Eve service. I don’t know when you’ll see her after that, but she should have it. No, I’m not going to tell you what “it” is. No, you can’t convince me otherwise. Sorry darling, but this one is going to be a complete surprise. I’m hoping you’ll like it, if only half as much as I love my shell (that’s still a whole heck of a lot). However, I’ve got to go to bed now and say goodnight to you, if from a distance. I’m greatly looking forward to the night when it won’t be from a distance more than a few inches at most. I love you, Rob. I’ll see you tonight in my dreams, darling.

    Rob, I just had the worst dream. Just so you know how bad it was, or how much it’s bothered me, I’m awake before 6:45 on a Saturday. That never happens. But the dream. So, I’ll try to make this as brief as possible, given the 15,174 words that are already here (sorry admins!). We moved to a new house. I took the room that was across from everyone else, and had another door you had to go through. So you would open the door and there would be stairs in front of you, and a hallway to the left with a door at the end of it. That area was always cold. No matter how much heat I used in my room.

    Things were great, really. There was this dancing game thing in the main room upstairs, and a lot of people really liked it. Actually, a couple of people from my school appeared then. Everything was great with my mom and dad, no biggie. Just the usual – no seeing you under any circumstances. I still had classes, and they were all fine. Everything was great until my English teacher (the same one as I have in real life) decided to actually make the class “challenging” by giving us 10 prompts for a test, one week to do it, and all of them with a minimum of 1000 words. Uhm, no.

    Then I started hearing my dad and this other guy who was helping him lose weight, among other things (but you’ll know that in just a few paragraphs). They would talk quietly in rooms where no one else would be able to hear them. I was intrigued and curious as to what they were talking about, and so naturally I started eavesdropping on them. I couldn’t really make sense of what they were saying – I knew they were talking about that room that was in the hallway near my room (remember the weird configuration?), but that was as much as I could make sense of.

    Then other things started happening. Little things that normally wouldn’t be so bad. I’d trip over nothing (well, more than the usual), I’d hurt myself when I was doing things in the kitchen, I’d fall down stairs, and other little things like that. Finally, I just went and interrupted my dad and the guy when they were talking, and I just blurted out, “I know what’s behind that door! It’s a bunch of dead… things.” The idea had been building up in my mind for a while. Why else would it be cold? Why else would I be constantly tripping over things? Why else would a feeling of utter dread overcome me every time I had to pass through the hallway to get to my room? The obvious answer was that there was something dead in that room and, whatever it was, it was haunting us.

    Funny thing is, I was right.

    But the story was worse than I would have ever guessed (although apparently my subconscious would beg to differ). According to my dream, the people who had lived there before it had killed 10 different animals. They didn’t skin them or anything, but they did make them edible? Sorry, I’ve been trying to forget all this. Anyways, they left them outside in a pile. Just outside in the open. When we got here, the folks didn’t know what to do, so they just crammed them into that room and cranked up the AC. Ever since then, they’ve been asserting more and more power over the people around them, in revenge.

    Okay, I know that bit is a tad weird, but just bear with me. I know my mind is a weird place, dear.

    So then once I knew that, more things would happen. I’d trip from high(er) places, I’d get hurt more seriously, but nothing ever that bad, and I’d starting seeing a cat every time something like that happened. It was a really pretty cat, actually. She was like a really dark torti, and almost looked black. In fact, she did look black when she was in the shadows. My parents would see me just balled up and rocking back and forth, scared out of my mind to ever pass the hallway and go to my room again. I felt like they were out to get me personally.

    Then, and this is the conclusion bit, don’t worry. So then I was upstairs watching the whole dancing thing. Wait, no, sorry. I had actually been running around the house trying to prove all this to my mom, when we went upstairs to the dancing place. Now, understand that there’s like a huge bathroom with a huge mirror adjacent to the dancing deal, and the stairs are attached to the dancing place. So I was certain that there was something to do with numbers and this thing, and I had pretty much figured it out, and so I started writing it out with dark red lipstick on the mirror, when I got pulled back (by cat or mom, you decide). All of the numbers on the mirror started mooshing together and forming one huge red ball. I was freaking out.

    I ran out and down the stairs. But I tripped as soon as I got to the stairs. I fell down the stairs, and I distinctly remember hitting my right hipbone on the edge of a stair, and that it hurt more than anything else besides my back (that got cracked against the edge of way too many stairs). So I was at the bottom of the staircase, just lying there in pain, when the cat walks out from around the corner and sits in front of me. So I started strangling it. It hissed, meowed, and generally did all it could to save itself. Then, and I won’t ever forget this, the cat made me let go. It started mentally messing with me and I started letting go even though my mind kept trying not to. Then I forced myself to wake up, and my arm from the elbow down was numb. Took me a while to wake it back up.

    But anyways, that was just. That was not a good time. It’s the first time I’ve ever attempted to kill anything in a dream, and quite frankly, I don’t like that. I just keep wishing that you could be here. My mind is not happy right now. It’s doing that thing where it constantly imagines people in my peripheral. But uhm, yes.

    To move on, last night was actually a good bit of fun. You have no clue what happened. Sorry, dear! It wasn’t anything great, just the grave level dinner and Secret Santa. It was a ton of fun, actually. My secret santa (the one I give it to) wasn’t there, but I should be seeing her on Monday for sure. I’ll just give it to her then. So close to just fifteen months. This is actually really crazy, but in such a great way. Christmas break is going to fly by, and then it’ll be almost fourteen and just wow. Time goes by in such a weird way. I love you, dear. Sorry, that doesn’t really fit there well, but it needed to be said. I would have burst at the seams if I didn’t.

    Last night was amazing. How long were we talking? More than eight hours, that’s for sure. I don’t know about you, but as soon as you left, my head dropped to the pillow like a 98375295lbs weight, and I was asleep quicker than I’ve ever been before. Also, I’ve decided to put my hair up again today. From what I can tell, it looks nice, but you can make your own opinions when I see you later today at church. Eye-contact. I can’t believe that we’re going to do this.

    This is crazy. No, not the eye contact. What we were talking about – seeing each other face to face. That being said, and in conjunction with another question you asked and I didn’t really answer, I’d like so WD-40 for Christmas. And my skill cape. But I am just so exhausted right now. My eyes keep watering and I’ll start staring off into the distance. I’ll lose my train of thought and start thinking about what it’ll be like to be standing there next to you, able to actually hug you, to talk to you face to face, and yes, even to kiss you. Luckily there’s no one else in this room, so no one can look at me when I start smiling uncontrollably and ask me what I’m up to.

    Robert, you make me the happiest person on this planet. Even when you mess with me. Even when you completely psyche me out and make me go crazy. Even when you have these crazy 1am ideas. Even when you make fun of my expert drawings. Even when you lose me when I’m making references to bad corny jokes from earlier that you probably tried to forget. Even when you make fun of me for being such an awful kisser. Even when you use improper grammar. Everything you do makes me smile. Well. Not really. It doesn’t make me smile when you eat eggs or walk up the stairs or drive your car or anything like that most of the time. However, it does make me smile whenever I hear your voice – through a dream, through someone else, or through something like flockdraw.

    Don’t know if you noticed, but you took me a tad aback at church today. I wasn’t really expecting to see you right as I was getting a cup of water. Actually, I didn’t know where you were. I had looked around the narthex and didn’t see you, so it was rather surprising to me. But my face is pretty much an open book, so I’ll just assume that you got that. Rob. I really miss you. All this thinking about you, talking to you, talking about seeing you again, it’s just. It’s really maddening in a sense. Every time I think about it, my breath comes quicker, my heart starts beating fast, a smile creeps onto my face, and I lose sense of everything around me. I swear I can feel your warmth around me, your arms surrounding me with love, my face buried in that little hollow of your neck, a sudden, random surge of the strength to never let go of you. My stomach won’t get the pit, but it starts to get all fluttery.

    This distance is no bueno. But now I need to pack so that I’ll actually have clothes and whatnot for Monday night/Tuesday, since I’m spending the night on campus. I’ll write more the next chance I’ve got. I love you so much, dear.

    Well. Stressful afternoon in my opinion. I had two hours of free time between my sister’s birthday lunch (it was so good, let me tell you) and the LOG mess at school. It’s so stupid. I mean, the chapel part is nice, but then it just gets really dumb. Everyone goes and stands outside and then a bunch of people talk about how great school is, tradition, how grateful we all are, yaddi yaddi yattah. Then there’s a countdown to turning on the lights for the tree. Now, that’s a good idea. And it might be cool if there were a bunch of awesome lights, or if, oh I don’t know, the tree actually looked nice? Buuuuut it doesn’t. It’s an ugly thing. Everyone agrees. Anyhow, so we were there, my feet hurt, and I was tired. And I was thinking of things I could be using my time for instead. Like homework. Or cleaning my room. Or writing this.

    Instead I ended up dozing off every five seconds. I had such a hard time staying awake, it was awful. Darling, I’ve been so grouchy today. It’s actually bad. I shoot down absolutely everything with a an arrow oozing of pessimism, whilst hiding within my Stealth cape. I just need sleep. As much as I love staying up that late (early?) with you, let’s try to keep that to a minimum. At least when it’s via computer. 3:30 curfew? I actually really need sleep. I fall apart if I don’t get enough.

    Speaking of sleep, I really need to go to bed now. It’s 10:03, and I cannot focus on anything. Okay. I’m going to bed now, I swear. Anything that isn’t done won’t be done. I cannot do this. I need my sleep and the chance of seeing you in my dreams. I love you so much, dear. Thank you for being in my life. Thank you for loving me.

    That seems just wrong. To have to have an exam at 7 in the morning. That just, that’s cruel. How is anyone supposed to be awake and clear-headed enough at 7 in the morning to take an exam? I know I never am unless I’ve been up for a few hours. At least it’s nice weather. I’m actually so excited for this weather, because this is shorts weather. In December. One of my favorite things in December. And I can couple it with hot chocolate because it is still December, despite the lack of cold weather. The only thing that could top off this day and make it even better is you. All in time, I suppose. I can be patient.

    …but not with my alarm clock. I was having a wonderful dream and then it just started blaring. I swear it felt like I had only been asleep for an hour. I owe you a thank you for staying up with me so early/late yesterday morning. Although it made me a grump yesterday, I have the best sleep I’ve had in a long time. I really wish that school started an hour later. It would make a world of difference in me sleep schedule. Alright, let’s get this school day over. Just five more days.

    So, you’ll never guess where I am. Or maybe you will (ha, you probably will). Don’t know why that “ha” was inserted, so let’s just pretend like it never happened. Well, I’m actually in a dorm here at my all-time favorite school. They’re not too bad, if you like dorms. I happen to not really for the most part, so you know. The only thing that I find myself not liking at all is this study hall. It goes from 7:30 to 9:30 with a five minute break at 8:30 to get up and walk around. I guess it’s not so bad since they’re not constantly checking on you, but they take your phone. Uhm. Not okay? I like having my phone with me. I may not (read: I almost certainly won’t) use it, but I just like to have it there in case. I like being prepared.

    Anyways, I just asked my dear friend and host Hayley what she thinks the difference between beautiful and gorgeous is. I actually agree with her partially on this one. Beautiful is when you see someone totally random, and you think, “Wow they’re beautiful.” Gorgeous is when you know someone personally, and they’re beautiful inside out. I like that.

    Darn it. I still have an hour to kill in this study hall. I’d do my math homework except for the minor fact that I left my textbook at home and there’s no one in the hall with a book I can borrow. That leaves going over sources for history class. It’s probably a good thing to do, but I’m too tired to do that very well, or even accurately. I guess that leaves me with one thing that is actually two: relentlessly combing my hair and typing this insanely long letter (once again, I’m so sorry admins).

    I really hope the exams aren’t being too stressful or mean to you, dear. Also, I’m going to remember that you said you’d learn how to fishtail. I haven’t forgotten yet, so that’s a good sign. I also remember that there was something that I said I’d probably forget, but I can’t remember what it was. Just that I said I’d probably forget it. I remember that you had something that you found to be funny but wouldn’t tell me, so that’s not it. This is literally driving me crazy. That and this study hall. I got all of my work done earlier today, and now I’m just sitting here. I should really stop trying to be productive.

    But speaking of productivity, guess who had her first day of a paying job today! This gal. There’s a total of maybe four inches of stacked paper that I need to sort and file, but I’m really not sure what else they have for me beyond that. The first group goes in a different set of bins, and makes up about half of the paper. Got that completely sorted, I just have to actually put them in files. I actually really enjoy filing things. And then I found a whole bunch of great articles from periodicals that we have in our library for my research paper. I need to make the annotated bibliography with the new primary sources and combine it with the old one with all the secondary and whatnot. That’s due Friday, so I need to get working on that.

    But not right now. For now I think I’ll braid my hair in fun ways and obsessively check your channel every ten or fifteen minutes. You never know. Five more days.

    Well, that was actually a really great time. We ended up watching the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, which was good fun. However, I’d have liked to get to know Thomas (I’m pretty sure that’s what Leatherface’s actual name was) a bit better.

    Okay, so I kind of ended up forgetting to finish writing yesterday. But we did talk, so that was even better. Just three more days. I’m so excited, dear.

    However, I hate to tell you this, but your dream idea didn’t quite end up getting used. I did dream about you, don’t worry, but I dreamt that we were outside in each other’s arms watching the night sky. It was actually really wonderful, and I swear it was like you were actually there last night. There were also really pretty fireworks, and I remember being just so happy. That day in January, whenever we decide to have it, is going to be so nice.

    Oh, remember how we left at about ten-ish last night? I ended up still being busy until 11, so it’s a good thing we stopped when we did. Hopefully this physics test won’t be too bad, but I’m really not expecting it to be. I generally don’t have a hard time with his tests, but he has said that this is the worst one all year – in his opinion. Centripetal force and central motion. I think I’ve got this. Well, granted I actually wake up all the way by the time we take the test. I’ve been in that half-awake/half-asleep mode all morning. I’m so sorry that you have to be at school by 7. That really just isn’t okay.

    I mean, school? At 7 in the morning? No. No no. That’s just a crime. But I’m not really sure what you should do about Sariina. Honestly, just go with your gut. So far mine hasn’t ever led me too far the wrong way. And even then it changed its mind and was like, “Nope, not doing this. Go back. Abort, abort. I repeat, abort.” Well. Maybe it didn’t go exactly like that, but it was awful close to it. But you’ll make the right decision, dear, and I trust you completely no matter what you do.

    Okay, so it’s 11:42 now. I meant to start this almost exactly half an hour ago, but that didn’t quite happen. I started worrying about youtube and whatnot, so I was trying to clear all that up. I don’t really like how google links absolutely EVERYTHING together. It’s a little frustrating at times. But no matter! I’ve resolved it by making a new account, and I’ll use that channel for you and you alone. It’ll just be /koalerthanyou. Well, minus the period there. It actually took me longer than I thought it would to navigate all this technology.

    But anyways, I hope you had a blast at the concert – hopefully not too many people will come away sore. Right, dear? Well, while you were out moshing at the concert, I was sitting inside the Progress Energy Center watching A Christmas Carol. It’s a really great play, and I absolutely love it. The only thing was that I started sort of falling asleep about halfway through the second act, and I had a hard time keeping my eyes open and it was cold. No but really. It was cold.

    Never again will I wear a dress on a day like this. I don’t care where I’m going. Well, unless it’s some crazy warm dress, but I own none so that’s a moot point. Oh hey, lookie here! I just cleared my 34th page on word. I’ve got a whole bunch of clutter at the very top, so it’d probably be somewhere between 31 and 32.5 if you were to copy and paste all this into word. I don’t really know why you’d want to, though. But anyways, as it’s 11:52 now (I keep getting sidetracked and what not and lijflkwj) I think I’m going to moozy on over to bed. Hopefully I’ll dream of you again tonight, darling. I love you so much. I’m sorry that I haven’t been writing too much this week. It’s been crazy for me, and when I finally sit down to type, all the thoughts just go WOOSH right out of my head. Oh, also, I put all of the songs into a playlist on the new account. There’s a bunch more songs now, so that’s a benefit.

    But goodnight, dear. I love you so very much. Just three more days.

    Ha, just kidding. Just two more days now. It’s so crazy how time is passing. Also, I’m incredibly hungry right now so let me grab an orange while I’m still at home. Well, I guess this is more of a tangerine, but they’re still in that spherical and orange citrus family, so I’m not too far off. I feel like today is going to be a more or less odd day. This hunch, as it were, may or may not have anything to do with the fact that I’m wearing green argyle knee-high socks under my jeans. Hey. It’s cold outside, and the more fabric to keep me warm, the better.

    Speaking of the weather, I will be so upset if it rains again today. Although I’m kind of expecting it to, I keep hoping that it just won’t. I really really don’t like cold rain or cold wind, and I especially don’t like them together. That is, unless I can stay inside all day and snuggle with, oh, I don’t know, it’d be nice to snuggle with you. Maybe have some hot chocolate. I love hot chocolate so much, it’s just so amazing and warming. Gosh. This morning was bad.

    Well I mean, it still is morning, But 6:07am this morning was bad (that’s when my alarm clock goes off, fun fact for the day). The darned thing went off, and I was so warm and toasty, and I woke up and it felt like it had only been no more than a couple of hours. I’m still really tired. I think I’m going to go to sleep in the car. WAIT. I can’t. I left reading for history for that time. Gosh darn it. I shouldn’t have gone to the theater with them. And then tonight I need to basically write my entire annotated bibliography. That’ll probably take me a few hours since I absolutely suck at citing. Luckily I only need to really write five new citations and annotations, and then just touch up some more annotations. I’ll just plan to spend most of my time tonight on that. Anyways, I’ve got to go on to school now though. I wish I didn’t have to, but alas, I’m out of luck in that department. I’ll write more later, dear. Have a wonderful day, and do great on any exams you might have.

    You know, one of the best things about wood furniture is that it doesn’t cut your foot open – it just hurts. I’m actually really glad for that fact right now. I’ve got a ton of energy right now and I can’t get rid of it, and so I was just running around the living room playing soccer with Duke, and I jumped back and my foot landed on the very edge of the coffee table, and ouchies! Actually, I think the source of my energy right now is that bit of peppermint bark I had combined with that DECLICIOUS tangerine I also ate. Oh oh oh oh oh, oh my GOSH. I’m in such a great mood right now.

    I’m just so happy. So very, very happy. Today at lunch the people on the debate met with our two mentors, and we decided that we would debate whether or not NASA’s budget should be cut in half and divided ourselves into teams, although we don’t know which team will debate which side. Anyways, I ended up with the people I was hoping I would. Surprisingly enough, they’re both named Maddie. Fun times, right? Megan, Maddie, Maddie. We can call ourselves the Mmm Team. Actually no, that doesn’t sound quite right. Maybe the M&M&M’s? Okay, I actually really like that. Anyways, my reason for wanting to be on their team is that the other three people don’t talk loudly at all. Mallory talks really softly and says like literally, like, every other word, like, uhm, at least. And, like, it just, you know, like, really bothers me. And like, she also, like, you know, uhm, like tends to talk, like, like really quietly and like really quickly, so like, it’s hard to, you know, tell uhm, what she’s like saying.

    Wow. That was a scarily good rendition of her speaking style. Also, one of the other girls is a foreign student who doesn’t speak the best English, and the other is a really fashionable gal who sings and plays guitar and generally reminds me of a hipster. It also so happens that we ended up being divided by day and boarder – my group is comprised entirely of day students and the other team is comprised entirely of boarders. Great, right? Actually, it is kind of nice because it means that we’ll all three be working on a difficult schedule. Wait. That’s not actually a plus. Eh, oh well! We’ll make it work and our team will win.

    Also, there was a little information session on the WISH program that NASA and the JSC do. It turns out that there’s less people who apply than I had thought might: there are only about 200-300 applicants each year. Also, they’ll generally choose between 85 and 90 different people to go to the onsite stuff during the summer. That means my chances could be as high as 45%, but conversely as low as 28%. All in all, that isn’t too bad though. Also, the modules that I thought would be mostly all projects aren’t! They’re lessons where you read something, write a 500 word thing on it (they give you a prompt), and solve a math problem that goes along with it. They said that the program is designed so that the math itself won’t go above algebra 2, which is a good thing seeing as I’m only in pre-calc. Also, every other lesson there will be a drawing or some sort of graphic that you’ll have to turn in as well, since the program also involves engineering.

    Yeah. I’m going to really suck at that part. But hey, maybe I’ll surprise myself a little bit. You never know until you try, right? Anyways, I’m really, really excited about this. If you could see how fast I’m typing you’d be just like oh my god what the heck is wrong with you. Answer: I’ve got waaaay too much energy right now. But no worries, that’ll be fixed as soon as I start working on my annotated bibliography. I found about five or six more sources today in the library, although we only had four of the periodicals that I needed actually on hand. I’m going to try to find all of the articles we didn’t have online. But I’m doing that AFTER I finish citing the ones I actually have on hand. We only need to have five primary sources cited, and I already know that I have more than that, so I want to get that done so it’ll be ready to turn in even without the extra ones that I’d like to have. I can always add to it later anyways.

    Actually. My energy isn’t diminishing. Gosh darnit! Maybe I’ll go run around outside. Just kidding, it’s dark and I wouldn’t put on any shoes so I’d probably end up skinning my foot again. Do NOT want to do that once more. I like being able to walk. OH MY GOSH, GUESS WHAT! The Hobbit is tomorrow oh my holy god I’m so so so excited if you can’t tell. It’s going to be so GREAT! I really need/want to rewatch the Lord of the Rings. Gosh, they’re just so good!

    Okay, so it did end up sucking out all of my energy. I’m dead tired, and it’s only 8:20. What even. Dear, you’re going to have to live with major energy swings. It’s actually kind of bad. Rob. Darling. Guess what just resurfaced in my mind. Uhm.. no, not quite. What actually came to mind was that it’s Thursday night. That means that tomorrow is Friday and the last day before break. That means that tomorrow is going to go by crazy fast. Also, the Hobbit is tomorrow. And then it’ll be Saturday. Saturday means a letter from you, some little insight into your life, into the life of the person that I want to spend my life with. I’ve got so much anticipation, and it’s just building by the second. A form of exponential growth, if you would. But now I’m going to bed and dream of you as I have for the past several nights. The sooner I go to bed, the sooner it’ll feel like tomorrow comes, and the closer I’ll be to you. I love you, darling. So very much. You’re the world’s best bear (and craziest fan).

    Oh my god. That movie was so good. It’s amazing. Utterly amazing. You’re going to LOVE it! I have to say though, Killi was my favorite dwarf. He also happens to be the most attractive out of the lot, if you were to ask me. As compelling and amazing as the movie was, my mind kept drifting back to you – how much you’d love this movie, how you’d know everything about everything going on, the little things that you would or wouldn’t like because they were slightly different. Also, I feel like the daylight went REALLY quickly after they came out of the Misty Mountains. Was that just me? No one else in my family agrees with me, but I’m holding true to my claim.

    But anyhow, GOOD MORNING! I’ll actually laugh if you type this, too. Although I doubt it since you were finishing your letter two hours ago, just half an hour before this wonderful movie ended. Oh, also, today in physics we had so much fun. You know those electron separator thingys that look like death in a machine? Well, we have one in the physics room. So we formed what Greenwood refers fondly to as the “Chain of Death.” Essentially, one person has their hand on the thing, and then we all form a chain of people. Obviously you get shocked each time you join the chain. It’s actually so much fun. And then, the person at the very end of the chain holds a metal rod and connects it with the metal frame at the top of the room that has all the outlets, thus completing the circuit. We’re a human circuit. It’s so much fun oh my gosh, you can feel the electricity just coursing through you. I love it! Also, the shocking people is soooo much fun, too. I actually really enjoy shocking people, although not so much being shocked.

    The thing that baffled me, though, was that the more repeatedly you touched the person with their hand actually on the electron separator, the larger the shock was. My logic would try to tell me that the shock should go down each time, but I guess not? I’ll just accept what happened to be right, because each subsequent shock was substantially stronger (see that fun alliteration there? That’s right. I’m a freaking rhetorical genius at 12:06 in the morning. What now?). Anyways, physics was just a ton of fun. Then we played Pictionary in English, and a variation of it in French. Pre-calc sucked because we actually just took notes and learned a new equation. Who even does that on the last day before break? Literally no one is going to remember it.

    Anyways, I’m going to submit this now, go to sleep, wake up, and read yours in the morning. I love you so much, darling. I hope you really enjoy the movie tomorrow. Sleep well. Also, one final word of thanks to all you admins. I know I’ve said that several times throughout this letter, but I mean it. This website here is such an amazing, wonderful thing, and thus, you admins are amazing, wonderful people. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. And also, merry Christmas!

    P.S., this was 20,454 words.

    3 Responses to The Koala and the Bear: The Koala’s Dissertation

    1. December 22, 2012 at 12:53 pm

      Everything is going to be okay. 23 days.

    2. Funny Story
      November 30, 2013 at 2:33 pm

      is how relevant this is to what’s happening in my life right now.

    3. Think you should ??
      November 30, 2013 at 9:37 pm

      Buy a phone?

      A trite ridiculous unless this was Chapter One

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