Took me a week to finally sit down and get the time to write up a large amount for ya, dear. Sorry about that. So, on to the reason for the title. The night after I sent my last letter, I was feeling really anxious about it. I had a bad feeling I would get that dreaded call, so I took a walk. No dog, just me and the cold winds that I (for some odd reason) really love. I really like just walking by myself, getting things sorted in my mind, and well, having a little chat with God. It’s mostly questions, really. “Are me and her your plan? What’ll life be like with her in five years? Will I even be in this country in five years? What do you want me to do?” General stuff like that. So, I was climbing this hill out of the neighborhood, and I looked up at the moon for a couple of seconds, then I started to stare. Then WOOSH, right out in front of the moon was this shooting star. I knew God was giving me a freebee on this one, letting me know he’s got plan for you and I. Falling satellite? Nah. It was perfect. Just like you.
So, how have my two weeks since my last letter? Pretty awesome, since we have sorta been talking during this time. I’ve had some frustrations, yes. My classes went into the dump because my registration got screwed up, so I’m only signed up for one online English class, and I’m waitlisted for the three that I need to get out of here. I’ll get it all done though. Oh! And I’m missing a chunk of my left big toe. Yea, so I was walking the dog yesterday, and I ran into Mrs. Whipkey. She was running, but decided to fast walk so we could chat. I don’t like to fast walk, but I didn’t complain. I should have. Near the end of the conversation, I didn’t pick my left foot up high enough to clear it off the ground, and I scraped it along the pavement, taking a slice of toe off of my foot. I stifled the pain (with some assistance from the cold) and she kept talking, unaware of the blood pouring out of my toe. So I thought to myself “I need to take care of this”. So I casually ended the conversation with “Well I’ll let you get back to your running” and she jogged off. I finally got to get a look at it. Holy shit. This is bad. The piece was still hanging off my toe. Time to wrap this bastard up. So I ripped off a piece my shirt and sinched it down. Got home, and pulled off my improvised, and rather saturated chunk of shirt. Hmm, I need to cut this hunk off. So, I got some scissors, cut the hunk off (with a lot more blood to follow) and doused it in hydrogen peroxide. Lots of WOOOs followed. I taped the shit out of it, and limped around the rest of the day. What a nice evening that was.
Now, the night we talked was really nice. I hope your Astronomy project went as brilliant as you said it was. I did not want it to end either, but we need to play all this really safe, honey. I have spoken extensively with Paul, the main teacher of mine in all of this. We have gone through many legal procedures in the event of your parents going on the offensive. In his words, they won the first battle with a “shock and awe” technique, in the way of ganging up on me in a room full of adults and elders, and threatening me with a ruined life. I now realize that all of them were full of shit. Let me explain. First of all, I don’t know what you think of Brenda O, but she is a conniving bitch. At the meeting she stated what I was doing was “unchristian”. Hmm. Really? Think of it this way then: Martin Luther married a woman half his age, mainly because she refused to marry anyone but him. Then there was the whole “Satan worshipper” thing with her. One day I was at church alone, and she approached me. She told me the only reason I went to church now was to gawk at you, and that I should be Satan worshipper if I wish to continue pursuing you. What the hell? Needless to say, I am not allowed to go to church alone anymore, so I don’t get ganged up on again. I’m not good with Armand either. He gave me a dirty look, and…well, I started barking at him. Yea, weird I know. I’m not on a talking basis with them anymore. Second of all, I have no need to fear being labeled as a sex offender by law anymore. Funny thing is, there is no legal basis for this. The legal age of consent for sex in North Carolina is 16. Seeing as all I ever did was kiss you on the neck, there isn’t a thing they can do. How about that? Anyhow, I’ve been to legal aid, and I’ve built my case. Technically, we should be allowed to date, but I’ll be nice and honor their wishes until you’re 18. I’ll compromise if you’d like. It is now your call. Paul had a proposal. He and I have devised a system in which we’ll have a mutual E-mail account, and a mutual password. Type up a message, but never send it, but simply save it to drafts. The other person will respond to the draft, and delete it. That way, nothing is sent or set in stone. I like this letter system though. We’ll see what happens down the road.
NOW, on to today. My Thanksgiving was all right. I worked most of the day, from 730 to 230. It was complete chaos. I’ve never bagged more turkey and beers, darling, ever. Add that with millions of customers, all equally impatient and frustrated, and you get spills, yelling, and general mayhem. It was kinda cool to step back and just watch it all coalesce and reform. Like a breathing monster of people and carts and whining kids. Walking around in shoes with my toe in its current condition is a real bitch though. So I got home, changed, and drove over to my lovely Aunt Paula’s house to chow down. The amount of food I ate was staggering. My Uncle thought I was going to die. Pounds of ham, turkey, mashed potatoes, beans, corn, cheesecake, fried chicken, deviled eggs, ice ream, orange pineapple cake, cookies, and probably other stuff I forgot about. Bottom line, I’m not moving around all that much right now. Training is out the window till tomorrow. I liked your little mini letter to me that I happened to stumble upon an hour or so ago. I am so very thankful for you, my love. I thank God for all the things I can’t live without, the things that shape my little universe. Pardon me dear, but you sound like you are really into astronomy. Yay! I love astronomy, as long as you take out the math part. I could talk about planets, galaxies (and the different types), wormholes, dark matter, etc all day long. I already eat a lot of eggs, dear; around four a day on strength days when I can get the time in of course. With having early morning and late night classes, scheduling stuff can get a bit muffed. My goo, that joke was so corny (get it? Corny? Like the Thanksgiving food? Sorry, I’m tired). But I liked it nonetheless.
Alrighty, I believe this will conclude my segment for today. Tomorrow is my day off. No school or work, so that means homework, training, stretching, walking, and SKYRIM. I haven’t been able to play this blasted game for weeks, and I keep thinking about it. I am currently reading Game of Thrones, which isn’t helping me wanting to play Skyrim. Okay, time to read and continue my thoughts and memories of you.
Ello there, dear. Been a pretty relaxing day. Didn’t get all that much done though, as I spent most of my time outside with Lyle. It’s been a while since him and me have had any time to spend together, so it was nice. We spent a large hunk of our day exploring what the hell happened to our woods. Wait, you haven’t been updated in three months. Let’s take a step back. Two or so months ago, a massive herd of loggers decided to go down to the forests and swamps (and my river. Including my spot) down by the power lines, and completely level everything within a span of a mile and half. How does it look? Like a nightmare, honey. Most of the ground is just covered in fallen trees, large and small. Vines and thicket and everything woodland are now crushed like some cruel crop circle. If it isn’t that, it’s just mud and tire tracks. It’s been two months of me and him watching legions of logging trucks driving tons of oak and pine down the main road. Now we finally have a chance to survey the damage. It gave us plenty of time to talk about various aspects of our existence that seem to baffle and surprise us. It was only a matter of time before you came up. I told him about us contacting each other, this website, the plans, and how you are still committed. He merely shook his head and said “she better be”. He seems to be taking all of this with a grain of salt. It’s his right to be protective of me as all this unfolds, I suppose. If the shit hits the fan though, he’s gonna get real pissed and take a stand with us. He likes your folks about as much as Todd, which is to say not much at all. We spoke of other things, like how much college sucks, how all of our school loans will put us in debt till we’re 35, what the girls at ECU (the school he’s going to) are like, how much partying can be done at said school. I told him of my training, Mudder, the usual blah blah blee blar. Then a pair of kids came running out of the woods we were walking by. They looked like total shit. One was completely incased in swamp mud. I could tell by the dark shade of it. The other, a small, shaggy blonde kid, had a scrape on his cheek, and his shorts were shredded. We were completely caught off guard by their request: “Could you help us with this bridge?” Lyle was like “Uh….sure”. So we spent the day in the river, moving logs that were left behind with these ruddy kids (who looked just like us) and talking about NONE OTHER than Lord of the Rings. It was good weather to do it. My toe has healed up nicely, so that was not a bother. When it started getting dark, the two boys said they had to leave. Lyle concluded an ongoing argument with the small blonde kid about who was better a better race to be, elves or Dunedain. Lyle won of course (he was for the elves). When me and Lyle were walking home, we were struck on what we had just done all day. We were doing those kinds of things when we were kids, and we had picked it up rather easily at the age of 20. We came to the conclusion that we missed being kids. It was an awesome time, no doubt. Remember those times? When you could spend all day outside just goofing around in the woods, beating your friends up, pretending to be knights or something like that? It was a much simpler time than today. Surely you remember those days, as they were not too long ago. I remember how you told me you felt life was moving too fast, how only a few years ago you were ice-skating and getting home schooled. Which brings me a question to you. Megan, you are in love with a man at 16 years old. You’ve committed your eternity to be with me. Do you feel like you’ve grown up too fast? Like you’ve missed out on a stage in your life? You can be honest with me on this one. I know I would be thinking about that at your age.
Oh! Another question for you, dear. How is all that dance treating your body? Are you still losing weight like you were? Are you sore all the time? I’m curious to see how much you are enjoying all your classes. I’m simply trying to survive mine. Biology is fun. I like talking about ecosystems, organisms, adaptation, and generalized genetics. Math? Well, I’m kicking its ass, just doesn’t mean I like it. Anthropology is a bore. Who knew learning about cultures could bring you so close to a coma? Geology is pretty cool, especially when we talked about volcanoes. I brought up Mordor in class one time. No one understood the reference. I was sad. Other than that, its all a matter of completing the list and doing what I need to do so I can transfer. Then the real fun begins. Do you still plan on going to Western, or have your schools changed? We seem to have a good bit to catch up on. But I don’t mind. We’ve got plenty of time. But for now, I think I’ll hit the sack. Maybe I’ll be lucky enough to write about how I dreamt of you tomorrow. We will see if my luck holds out. Goodnight, my Megan.
P.S. I loved that short you posted. It was wonderful.
Man, I am pooped. But here I sit, blasting Intervals’ new album through my speakers. Prog Metal rules. It’s 11:34, and I just got home from work and had dinner. Checked your youtube, and now I can type up a bit. Work was crappy. The next few days after Thanksgiving will be hell, simply because everyone is prepping up for Christmas. But hey, it’s behind me until noon tomorrow, when I’ve got to go back to work. I wonder if I’ll get to spot you at church tomorrow. I wonder if we’ll make eye contact. I know you try very hard not to look at me, and I try to do the same. But it is tremendously difficult when you’re the most attractive girl in the room. That sure doesn’t help. Just read your post. I miss you so much, gal. I was thinking about how you were doing, if you were enjoying this nice Saturday. I’m glad you had hot chocolate, sweaters, and fuzzy blankets to keep you comfort while I am gone. Last night was strangely cold and lonely. I mean, I usually manage because I’m simply hot natured and I can focus on other things, but last night was odd. I kept feeling as if you were next to me, but every time I would turn to look, the feeling would subside. It wasn’t the best thing ever. Finally I managed to sleep a bit. I ran into Justin Youngchild today at work. He’s doing alright. Slightly pudgy, with a daughter, and asking me how he can easily get in shape, as if I have all the answers in that regard. I just chatted it up and tried diverting the conversation to different things like school and work and the future. I like keeping my training to myself nowadays, and only really confiding in people like you and Jim (in fact, only you and Jim), but people I haven’t seen in a long time always bring it up. It’s not like I can explain it to them in a way that they’ll understand. “Oh, I learned that body alignment is a really big thing with the freestanding handstand pushup” or “Active shoulder mobility is a good way to reinforce the engaging fibers when it comes to straight arm holds, like the planche”, all I’d get is confused stares, so I just don’t bother anymore. It’s not worth it. Well, the Dad is home, so I guess I’ll hit the sack with the rest of the clan. I really hope I’ll catch a glimpse of the indisputably gorgeous Megan Harlow, if only for a split second. It’s all I need to get me through the week.
What a busy day, but I figure it would be appropriate to backtrack to last night. Holy fuck, that was insane. Three months ago, if I knew we would have done that, I think a good bit would have been different. I know from last night that there is no possible way that I would have lasted five years of zero contact. I was laughing about it this morning. The first time we were separated from each other, it took two months to get back. This time? Three. No biggie. Hell, we were alluding to each other long before that. Who were we kidding, honey? The one month lockdown was just a pitiful attempt to bottle it all. It worked a bit I suppose, but in the end it only made things worse. But last night, just to hear from you, was a blessing, really. Even it was just catching up and getting things sorted, it was you. I got that pit in my stomach too, darling. At the thought of JUST that conversation ending. But it had to be done, you understand. But no, I don’t think we should do that again. That was a one time deal, but then again, I can’t possibly say no to you. Unless it’s fairy wings and glitter. No.
Today was quite nice. I was tired, and quiet as usual. I’m just not big on getting to know anyone at Wake tech. It’s just more of a launch pad than anything else. But I was incredibly happy. Content would be the best word for my mood throughout the day. The weather was superb, and I have you. I’m good to go. Geology at 8 in the morning isn’t so bad if you’re a morning person, but seeing how as you aren’t, that point isn’t valid. It’s only 50 minutes long, and the professor is pretty chilled out. After all that jazz I headed home for breakfast. I’m not going to list out what I ate. It’s winter. Winter is strength season, which means more food than I was eating during the summer. As you can compare by how much I ate during the summer, it’s a feverishly vast amount. Funny, I can eat all this, and the six pack is there. It’s more faint, but I find it laughable that it refuses to fade. My dad hates me for it. He outright loses his when he doesn’t work out. Poor old fella. Anyhow, most of my day was spent underneath Paul’s house with a drill, making a water line for the greenhouse out back. I told him of our conversation. He had an insanely funny idea. He said that I should send your father a book called “50 questions to ask your daughter’s boyfriend” for Christmas, and then invite your folks to dinner to discuss “courting” you. Sure, it is civil, and completely left field, but seeing as how I don’t want to ever speak to your folks again (I know I’ll have to though), the idea was shut down. Your dad’s voice hurts my ears. Oh, and as a side note, be sure to let him know that Lacrosse is NOT baby music. Just. Dude. No. Cmon now.
But yea, spending your day under a dirty, moldy, cobweb infested crawlspace is a good way to insure that no one bothers you during Biology. Duly noted. So I was free to discuss genetic abnormalities and Boyle’s law with the professor at will, seeing as I looked like I had taken a nosedive down a mineshaft. Didn’t seem to affect him much. Drove home to the phat beats of Glitch Mob, ate another half a ton of food for dinner, and here I sit, looking at your Facebook page, Youtube channel, and (for no real reason) letters I’ll never send, just in case you randomly put something there. Man, if you are at 11 pages by now, I’m scared to know how many I’ll be faced with come the 15th. I know my letter will very much dwarf yours in comparison. A couple of factors affect my length obviously. The first being time constraints. I am incredibly busy. I do not like being an adult. Being a kid was a hell of a lot more fun. Or at the very least a highschooler. Not like you, though. College hadn’t even crossed my mind until I was a senior. You take school much more seriously than I ever did. Speaking of which, you’re status on Youtube, I can directly identify with…when it comes to math. I want to pull my short hair out of my head and roll in nutella (we should do that!). It is pointless, and makes my brain hurt. But I only have one more math class in my whole life, so I will survive. Lucky for you, I’m not so bad at Political science (and debating politics in general), so I might be able to relieve that tumor you’ve got if you’d like. My stretching is getting more and more tolerable. I can ALMOST fold myself in half now, but doing deadlifts all the damn time made my hamstrings flexible in the first place. Splits are getting there. The front split though, I have a question. Where should my legs be? No, not that answer, smart ass. I mean, when I hit a certain point, my hips feel as if they might shatter. Are they in the wrong position? To Google! Emily and others keep telling me I should 1) Seek a dance teacher to help and 2) Join ballet. The first one I’ll jump on fine. I’ve never really been instructed on this stuff, so sure, why not. The second….uh, not so much. I’m graceful enough, which is more than enough to compensate for my signifigant others’ lack of grace, unless you’ve changed in that aspect too (I’m messing with you, darling. Laugh….cmon…laugh. Do I have to fart again? There you go! See? Was that hard? If you didn’t laugh throughout this whole bit, then I really made this awkward). Well, it’s 11:00 now, and no movement on your end, so I think I’ll grab some ice cream and pass out. I hope you’re sleeping with a smile on, or at least a toothy grin. Oh, and the fact that you say goodnight to me through a sea shell, and kiss it is so….just….wiuefvqwmfcmrijwveeqWS! I blushed over here. Giggled a little too. Keep that shell, and that bracelet, and every image of me you can. I’ll keep your letters, your smile in my mind, and the warmth you give me that tells me I will hold your hand soon. I love you.
P.S I am TOTALLY kicking your sorry ass at this poke war.
To the moon and back. That is too small of a distance to even demonstrate of sliver of my love for you. Perhaps it could better equate to my hatred of my car. Yes, that will do. SO, my car was taken in yesterday to get a good ol’ routine oil change, nothing major. My car is an accord, meaning it drinks oil, so if you keep it full of oil, it’s mostly happy. Not this time, sadly. After getting my car worked on, the engineer called me over with a rather freaked out look in his eye. Apparently, my car was mere minutes from have a coolant hose rupture in my car, which would make my car effectively explode. It was so bad, that when they opened the hood, the engineers (myself included) backed up. The hose for the coolant was swollen to three times its normal size. Shit. So, they kept my car overnight, meaning my mother had to drive me to my morning geology test. The test was okay. This man must use a ton of color ink. His tests are like a damn children’s book. I’m a pictures guy, so it was quite easy for me. But at the end of the day, I really didn’t care about what my test grade was, as I just wanted to figure out what the hell was a matter with my car. So, I got home, and waited for the call. It came, and it was not good. Apparently (prepare for mechanic talk, skip if you’d like, dear) the radiator was overheated, causing the pressure to crack the radiator cover. That needs replacing. The coolant hose was close to rupturing, along with a three other hoses I was no familiar with. Along with changing my oil, AND all of that, puts me five hundred and eighty seven dollars in the whole. What does that mean? One account? Completely broke, and I’m ninety something bucks dry in my backup account. THIS is why I hate cars. You literally spend six months saving up for something that might be awesome that you may want, and then this bullshit occurs, and you’re broke. Well, I guess it’s time to start over again. I swear, the next time a get another car problem, I’m fixing it myself, perhaps with the assistance of Sariina’s husband, Eric. Wait, I was supposed to have lunch with her this afternoon. I guess that’s not going to happen. Oh well.
But, in all of this, the love of my life got a wonderful nights sleep. That livens my day up a good bit. I wonder how the rest of your day is going. The way you talk of school, it seems as your days are not so bad. Politics is just boring all around. Seeing as how we’re in the great U.S, politics is something that everyone thinks they are a national authority on, so there’s no shortage of opinions. Ah crap, I have a presentation tomorrow. These next two or three weeks are going to be intense, I can tell. But for now? I think I’ll just have a sandwich and go for a walk. Gotta love the little things.
Welp, it’s 9:30, and it seems to me that YOU my dear are sleepy at 8:40. I really wanted to flockdraw, but seeing as how we made that agreement, and you are oh so sleepy, I figure I’ll just write to you about the rest of my day.
First off, my walk today was more like my kind of walk. This involves falling in a river, observing (and sometimes chasing) wildlife, exploring new areas of woodland that have been opened up by the logging, and becoming near hypothermic from said freezing water that I was wading through. It’s….odd. I feel so much more comfortable in my own skin when I’m out there, smelling like a swamp and looking equally awful. The dog looked pretty rough as well. I also ran into a sleeping snake. I was crawling under a log, and looked to my left, and there it was, just passed out, curled up, and breathing oh so steadily. I figured it was out for the winter. God knows they don’t move around much during this season. The rest of my walk was rather flaccid compared to those major events.
After getting back, scaring my parents with my appearance, and then remedying my appearance with plenty of water, I got the call the pick up my car. It runs about the same, with no apparent improvement, but if it’s guaranteed to not explode and kill me, I guess that’s worth the near 600 bucks to get it fixed. The rest of my day was spent training and stretching and generally getting more work done on my car. Now? I’m here, prepping up for a presentation tomorrow that I really don’t want to do. I don’t know why. I do fine, great even, in front of a crowd. For some reason I really don’t feel like I’ve got this one. I think I’ll just stick to my guns and wing it. That pretty much always works. Other than that, I get to sit in math at 8 in the morning and listen to Emily tell me how much time is left in the class, every minute.
Well, there seems to be no more posts from you, and it’s 10 o clock. I figure that is my cue to go sleep, and hopefully dream. I haven’t dreamed anything in a month or two. I hope I get to tonight. Maybe you’ll visit me. I can only hope.
To be perfectly honest, dear, I would very much like this week to end. Next week could reasonably fly by too. I would appreciate that. In fact, if this last bit of the semester could whisk past me, I’d be fine with that. Today? I had to reprint my paper, as I got a 0 on the last one. The bastard accused me of plagiarism, so now I get to go to the dean and put my foot up his ass. Maybe I’ll walk around a bit, use him like a fleshy slipper. Anyhow, I did that today, and watched a few presentations of other folks’ cultures. If my paper is deemed authentic, I get to have it regraded, and thus do a presentation of my own. Other than that, the course load is getting heavier. Apparently all of my classes deem it awesome to get one last test in a week before our finals. What logic! Just two more weeks, and I’ll have this heavy ass semester behind me. Plus, during finals week, on the 12th, I get to go see Asking Alexandria, Memphis May Fire, Attila, I See Stars, and As I Lay Dying, all in one show! I do not think I’ll be able to move after that much jamming. OOH! Despicable Me comes on December 8th. Don’t know, just thought that would be good to see. I freaking love that movie. The minions make the movie, after all. Next semester will be better. March will be in sight, and that means the one year mark will be soon. But let’s not count those days. I think it’s now time to eat….again. Perhaps more tonight, my darling. Oh, and I love English.
You know, Megan, it’s kinda unreal how much you can turn my life from one direction to another. Well, my life is not really what I’m referring to, just what you’re currently making my life like. I was just, happy, all day today. My face was actually hurting during work from smiling too much. No one at work really knows what’s going on. Most people have assumed that I have a girlfriend, and that she makes me happier than most people dating at our workplace. Anyhow, last night was so superb. We pulled that all off so well. I thought about that night at work all day yesterday. It was quite literally the only thing on my mind. So much so that one of my coworkers was able to scare the living shit out of me. I was standing at the register, nothing going on, thinking of questions or other things I wanted to talk to you about, and my buddy sneaks up behind me and pinches my sides whilst whispering “niggers” in my ear (admins, I know that’s crazy offensive, but I had to be accurate). I jumped like two feet in the air. I don’t get scared easily, but apparently when I’m in “Rob and Megan” land, I’m easily spooked. Today was kind of nice. I actually got to sleep in a bit before going right back to work. Well, I didn’t really sleep in, I just kind of laid there, stared at the ceiling, and thought about you. Call me obsessive, it coo, yo. Work today was freaking hectic though. I have never felt my sweat glands opening up from simply bagging. I was given a rather interesting thought though. I wonder how many pounds of food I have bagged in my eight or so months of working this job. Speaking of jobs, I really hope you get that planetarium gig. I never mentioned it (it seems we had a good bit to cover last night) but I’ve actually been there before. When I was just a little kid in YMCA, we went there on a field trip. I’m as much of a space junkie now as I was back then. Ope, you just posted. Yes, dear, I wish we could talk like that every night, but then again, I don’t. With flockdraw, I can’t see your expression, watch you smile or blush, hear your laugh, or even tell when you are there. It’s very black and white. But hey, as long as you’re there, it’s perfect for me.
Tomorrow, hopefully, will be a bit less stress free. Tomorrow, I’ve got my usual 8am to 850 geology class. Then I’m off to Emily’s house to snap her brain in half with some math, and work on my presentation for Tuesday. Quit looking worried, she’s got nothing on you. Besides, if she even made a move to touch me now, she would die. She’s been given the impression that you would choke her to death with the hapless braid upon her head. The only problem is that she keeps alluding that she could take better care of me than you. And she keeps going back to sex. I made the awful mistake of trying to confide in her about you, which made me bring up the river. She always asks “Well, what happens when you actually get her naked? She’d be a dead fish.” I obviously argue this point, saying when the time comes; we’ll cross that bridge together. Then she always says she could do better than you, which is starting to piss me off. She fails to understand what we have, what we’ve been through together already, and the bond we’ve got. But seeing as how the sex argument is the only leg she’s got to stand on, I just ignore it. I treat it as the black sheep in our little strange friendship. It irks me slightly when she calls you clueless, because you are more informed about me than anyone else. Sure, you don’t really know a darn thing sexual, and she points that out every time I bring you up, but I really don’t freaking care. “Has she learned to please the man part of you? Oh wait, you can’t even see her”. I got close to punching her on that one. She apologized profusely after that one, don’t you worry.
…And there we are, talking through statuses, churning up butterflies all over again. Yes, my darling, we are eternally connected. It’s just, wow. Knowing that there isn’t a force in this universe that could break us apart. And there’s flockdraw……
We did it again. Of course we did. There was no one to stop us. It was amazing. A short time it feels like, yet for some reason the memories of you are becoming more crisp and clear with each conversation. Your presence is felt in my bed. A bed you’ve never curled up in. Come to think of it, we snuggled on the FLOOR, and it was as, if not more, comfortable than a bed. I wonder not what it would be like in a bed with you. Best not fiddle with that thought too long, or I’ll start to get the butterflies again.
Today has been pretty nice, the only setback being the fact that the war that you did not want to happen, happened, and is happening. Paul posted that blog, finally. He’s been talking about calling out everything that irks me and him within the church. I don’t know if you enjoyed it or not. I had a miniscule hand in writing some of it. After that was posted, your father came at him with legal terms and words with a large amount of syllables. They were mature about it, until your dad started losing. So, Paul decided to quit the jargon and just stomp him into the ground (figuratively, of course) by bringing to light the fact that he had no real legal basis for seperating us. So, your dad decided to be smart, take the “submit” road, and simply kiss his ass via a comment on Facebook. Good move. Nothing direct has happened to me yet, but I am taking no chances. I think I might contact legal aid tomorrow and get a dialogue going. I mean, I know there is no case for him, but it’s good to build mine anyway. Funny, I didn’t think it would happen this fast, but it’s my theory that there will be no direct contact from your parents to me. They haven’t had a reason to. Still, I’m going ahead and initiating a five day lockdown on my end. I hope you end up doing the same. Safety first, my dear. I hope none of this gets you in any trouble, but I think they may investigate a tad. You have finals and school to think about right now. It’s only five days. If we can get through three months, we can do this. Okay, I’m supposed to be on my way to a biology test. This week is going to be chaos.
It seems to me, Megan, that I am an extremely consistent student when it comes to biology. My first test was a solid 80, and my second test was an…..80. My third test? Well, actually, it was an 80. I have completed the trifecta, dear. It’s pretty cool, to be honest. I took my fourth test tonight, and much to my amusement, it really felt like an 80. But hey! At least I’m not consistent with F’s, like I was in highschool. Okay, darling, I’m beat again. I need to get some sleep and prepare for the rest of this crap week. Five days. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I will do this. Breathe. She loves me. She’s mine, I’m hers, and that’s all there is to it. That’s all that REALLY matters. Time to sleep.
Loaded Breakfast: 6 eggs, 3 bowls of cereal, quarter pound of bacon, 3 glasses of milk (2 whole, one chocolate). And people say “Oh Todd is a bottomless pit”. Keep your title sir, I’ll be eating. Anyhow, it’s 7:40 over here, and for some reason I still checked your channel. I don’t know why, we’re currently in a lockdown, but I guess old habits (especially good ones like this) die, or they don’t at all. I’m praying every night before I go to sleep for you, wishing to God that no wrath has been brought to you. But being realistic, it’s the most likely case that they are trying to stifle this so you catch no wind of it. They didn’t really plan on you knowing everything going on through me. But I have come to the conclusion that Paul has had enough of the policies, bullying, bigotry, and overall hypocrisy that has been spewed forth from the crest of the church. I’m standing by him on this. I know you are not one for conflict, but some things just need to be brought to light. As Paul has told me “Things are going to get ugly for us before they get pretty my friend, but that’s what we will get for speaking out”. I have thought of what might happen for us doing this, if the church is actually capable of kicking us out. Paul has assured me otherwise, that we cannot be expunged for simply speaking our minds. But today was rough. I had an anthropology presentation on the Sherpas of the Himalayas, and I just got back from a biology lab final. I miss you, darling. Now is about the time we would start talking to each other. It’s been a day since we talked, and for some reason it feels as if it’s been longer than that.
I do have a funny anecdote for you though. This morning I was sitting in math class, trying to win an argument with Huff and Puff. My stance was that some lyrics are just better screamed, while her stance was that metal is just dumb (you can gasp. I did). It occurred to me that she was yawning quite frequently, so I commented “You should stop that so you don’t suck all the air out of the room. I need to breath too” She replied with “Trying to be witty huh?”. I thought to myself “I’ll show you witty”. So after about half an hour of detailed doodling, I created a notebook page sized mural called “The Yawn of Emily Huff”. It depicted her sucking up people, cars, tables, chairs, and even a guy clinging to a wall yelling “Someone stop it!!!” (and a guy in the fetal position behind said wall). She was highly offended, so I did my job. Next to this doodle was a drawing that I’ve been conjuring up many times over the past week or so.
You see, I don’t really dream all that much anymore, but I have been having this recurring dream every couple of nights, so every time I have it, I draw it out to remember it. The dream begins with me, standing there, lost in a void. It’s dark and cold, and I feel as if I’m in the wrong time or place. It’s an overwhelming feeling that I’m supposed to be somewhere else, and that everything is all wrong. So I walk, and I walk, and I keep walking. Somewhere along the line, I run into this HUGE portal in between two towering walls of onyx. Everything around me is black as pitch, and the walls are lit up by the white light emanating from the portal. I see a man, his face and details obscured by the blinding light. He casts a monstrous shadow that reaches to the tips of my bare feet. Then I notice myself. I’m wearing rags, and I smell of smoke. I’m covered in soot, as if I’ve been dragged from the jaws of hell. My head is shaved, and I look unhealthily skinny. I look upon the figure, and I feel like it’s the first person I’ve seen in a thousand years. He says to me in a soft, assuring tone, “You’re not supposed to be here. Come with me.” The portal, or gate, or whatever, begins to brighten, and then I wake up. It’s odd, but my logic has always been that dreams mean something, and that we can always learn from them. So I draw it out, and try to make the images feasible.
Other than that, most of my inner thought have been of you, and hoping that I may dream of you. Perhaps you’ll take my hand and walk me through the gate in my dreams. I know for a fact that I will hold your hand through heaven’s gates, and we will face eternity together. But for now? It’s time to eat more food, and continue my thoughts of you, this dream, and the crazy week to follow.
Friday! One more day of this blasted lockdown, and I will at the very least be able to hear from you in the way of typing. These past couple of days have been alright. As per usual, no direct attacks on my end have been present. Sadly, all of the grief has been fired in the direction of the Coleman family. I do not know if you read Paul’s post today, but the individual he is describing is Pastor. It has become readily apparent that Pastor has as much of a screwed up perspective on you and I as your folks do, and he made that very clear in the 2 hour lunch that he partook with Paul. He tried very hard to push the idea to Paul that he, indeed, was wrong and was not given the right information by me or any of his colleagues that he wrote about in his blog. The fact of the matter is that he actually got permission from me and everyone he wrote about to do what he did, and just because he didn’t run it by the all powerful Pastor doesn’t mean that it isn’t worthy of the eyes of it’s viewers. Your mother actually took the easy way out. Instead of calling Paul and preparing for the argumentative firestorm that Paul would have inevitably thrown down upon her, she opted to call Lizzy at her work. Lizzy is a sweet woman, and above all, a peacemaker. She extinguished the fire almost singlehandedly. Things are still heated though. Paul is going to be the leader of our bible study on Sunday. He had the funniest idea today. He thought it would be absolutely hilarious if I lead bible study. Imagine telling Pastor that. “Oh, sorry Pastor. I wasn’t feeling up to doing bible study either, so I chose Rob to lead it”. The Pastors face, my goo. I know I could lead it though. It’s not that difficult, and everyone in there likes me anyway. I think I’ll recede though and just enjoy Paul giving it. Nothing like stirring the hornets nest though.
Tomorrow sounds like a busy day. My morning will be continuation of my afternoon, which I spent mainly underneath Paul’s house, gluing PVC piping together to direct water to the greenhouse out back. After that, apparently we are heading over to Wal-Mart to help the Scott Barton with this “shopping for the poor” venture. Sounds wonderful to me. I like helping people, so I’m totally down for it, even it is shopping (ugh). After that I believe I’m going to go see the Regulars again and jam it up. Funny, the day I’m not working, I think my schedule opens up, and then more engagements hastily fill the gap. I guess I’ll get a day off eventually. My Christmas break will actually be a break. I can only hope.
With all that’s going on in my neck of the woods, of course it would intensify my thoughts of you. I was sitting the geology today, listening to my professor talk about geology on other planets and the exploration of mars. I sat there the entire time thinking, “I bet she would enjoy this part of the class. We would talk for hours about this stuff”. Then the knot in my stomach made itself known, and I grew back into my “I hate this situation” state. If I could just look at you, or hear your voice or something. But I guess that’s hoping for too much. 15.5 months, or somewhere around there. I have proposition though. If you ever really get deep into this astrophysics thing, and if you ever become heavily involved with the exploration of Mars, we should team up. My geology teacher said that I could easily make history by being the first man to climb Olympus Mons, and that if I ever find myself within the space program, I should make it a point to foster that goal. “Everest would be nothing to that climb”. I think of it now. What would it be like to be the first man to climb the highest mountain in the solar system? That mountain is 14 miles high. 85 thousand feet in the area, and it’s the size of Arizona. Holy crap, that’s 2 ½ times the height of Everest. Hell, give me a suit, a pair of Martian soil grade climbing axes, and plenty of rope (with food, water, and air of course) and I’ll climb it.
“I’m kinda worried for God when you die and enter his kingdom, cuz the first thing you’re gonna try to do is climb to the top of heaven itself” – Dad.
Yea, I’ll admit it, he is right by most accounts. However, the first thing I would do is spend at least a couple thousand years by your side, loving you as I do now, with everything I’ve got, my darling. I wonder what you’re doing right now, at this very moment. You could be asleep, or you could simply be on your computer, or watching something stupid your dad put up on TV. It’s 9:55, and I’m beat. I need a shower and you in my bed. One day we’ll wake up to each other, honey. I think about that hug every time I lay my head on my pillow. One day, Megan.
Oh, Paul got a massive kick out of you questioning your fathers’ sexuality. I swear if he turned out to be gay, that would be so horrid, yet hilarious. But I got a good laugh out of it. That’s gotta be a strange position for you though, actually having those thoughts in your brain. But hey, you’re probably joking anyway, at least I hope so. Okay, it’s time for this guy to hit the showers and go to sleep. It appears I have a busy day ahead of me. I pray your weekend is at least half as lovely and wonderful as you are, honey. But that would be difficult, realistically. You’d have to win the lotto to even compete for a hundredth, Megan. My Megan. I love you.
It seems that I am slacking, huh? I wonder how many pages you have prepared for me. I admit that a bulk of my letters was simply spent responding to yours. No matter, all I can manage is tell you of my day so far. This morning was spent, as I said before, under Pauls house, covered in earth and generally getting frustrated with the working of PVC. Him and I were debating on whether or not to join the prayer circle that Scott proposed to us, but in the end of it, with all that has happened, it would be better if we didn’t continue to rock the boat. As much as I enjoy making a mockery of all of these people, I wish more than anything that we could just go back to the way things were. I just wish they would back down, shut up, and let us be together. I wish I could get involved in the church again, with the youth. I wish I could go to Wednesday night dinners and ash Wednesdays, and fund raisers. That was all really fun. I enjoyed the company of everyone I spent time with at the lock in, at the gathering, and all the cool stuff I got to do there. I kinda feel like I’ve been demonized by all of this. I mean, at one point I was almost a leading figure within the church, and now everyone tries to keep their eyes down around me. But thinking now, the church is screwed up, and the image that I once bared of it is vastly different from the way I see it now. I guess this is just my nostalgia kicking in. I just miss being able to see you every Wednesday and Sunday, getting two hugs a week. This year has changed everything. My dad told me that I need to adapt to the fact that there will be people in your life you care about that will leave you, and go their own way. It’s part of life, especially at my age. It’s true though. Lyle will move on to his band thing, Sam will move on to make video games, Steven will move on with his missionary work. I haven’t “hung out” with anyone in about a month. All I do is work, school, and train. Luckily Christmas break is upon me, and I’ll be heading up to NY to see my lovely family.
I hope you don’t judge me too much for partaking in the consumption of alcohol during my stay there. I will only be drinking a bit in celebration anyway. I mean, cmon, dear. I don’t even drink soda. When your liquid diet consists mainly of milk, chocolate milk, and water, things do get a little boring. Since I wasn’t able to drink this past Thanksgiving (I never was able to go to Vegas) I suppose I can delay it till Christmas. Eggnog out the ass, honey. But for now, I must go train. I have been slacking in that area as well. More in a bit!
Checking in! Just ate an ENTIRE lemon pound cake for my post training meal. Definitely not the best nutritional choice, but to hell with it. It was freaking delicious. Meh, I can make it up for dinner.
Oh my GOD!!!!!! Skyrim released a new DLC! AND IT’S IN SOLSTHEIM!!! That’s my favorite place in all of the Elder Scrolls games. Bethesda must be making up for almost ruining my game with Hearthfire, that blasted house expansion. You see, whenever I entered my finely made house the game would freeze up on me. Fortunately I had saved it before such an event, so maybe it’s salvageable. Well, I hope this new DLC provides some much needed challenge for my ranger. When you can kill a dragon or a giant with a flick of your bow, things get kind of sparse. Still for some reason I always have a problem with the Forsworn Briarhearts. I will hand it to them, those guys are badass (look them up if confused). There is nothing more intimidating than a ripped shirtless man, wearing nothing but fur and a deer’s head, and slinging around two caveman-esque war axes at your face that could kill you with two or three blows. I take care to steer clear of those psychopaths. Besides, I have a soft spot for savages and wild people.
Yes, my love. Timing is a funny thing. The question now is whether or not to entertain the thought of talking to you. Let’s see what you think.
MAN. You are majorly inconsistent tonight. I just had a full length conversation with myself. How about that? It was kinda interesting. Nice drawing though. And there you are…
Wow, I cannot wrap my brain around this year; so many ups and downs, subtle and conspicuous. There is nothing better than spending hours upon hours chatting you up, getting things off my chest that otherwise would been left to fester. I got up this morning completely sacked. Makes sense after only one hour of sleep. I got into my bed, and I SWEAR I could feel you there. Not you, physically, just the fact that it was warmer. I was getting all the knots in my stomach too. Heck, I had them all morning. I was sitting in bible study listening to Paul teach it up, and I felt like I was going to be sick. To be perfectly honest, I really didn’t plan on you being at the water fountain. I was planning on using it, then seeking you out for some precious eye contact. Then Kaitlin popped out of the bathroom, and there you were. I honestly wanted to get a hug in. You, of course, gave me that look, where you raise you brows and smile. Ha, and you say you aren’t adorable. Kaitlin absolutely froze. She wasn’t expecting me to just saunter right up there. Oh, you looked gorgeous today. Figured I’d state the obvious.
The rest of my day was actually spent studying my ass off for a set of finals I honestly feel I have in the bag. Well, no. Except anthropology, as this class is riddled with endless dates and people names that should have no meaning in the world of science. I’m better at concepts and things that make sense, not some random aspect of a scientific discipline. On the flipside, I believe I was graciously reward myself my buying Skyrim: Dragonborn. I honestly am more psyched about this one than Dawnguard could ever hope, simply because the location is literally central to my character’s lineage. Allow me to explain. Time to get ultra nerd on ya. All this is made up by me for the sake of me loving to create stories.
Okay, so, when I got Morrowind for Christmas back in the day, I made a character who’s name has stayed with me for years. His name was Derethor, a ranger no less. He was born in Thirsk, a mead (honey wine) hall in northern Solsthiem. It was an accidental birth, and the father is not known. The mother was just an unlucky scholar. So, Derethor is a Nord, and was thus raised by a group of Nords and a scholar. He was educated in how to fight, speak, hunt, and live for himself. At 19, Thirsk was attacked by band of werewolves, and his mother was killed. During the fight, he was salvaged by a group of Argoanian tribesmen just scouting the southern coast. He was then raised and taught by them the art of guerilla warfare, stealth, and archery. And thus he became a ranger. When his home in black marsh with his tribe was burned by a neighboring tribe (which is common there), he decided to just wander the rest of Tamriel in search of nothing. This landed him in Cyrodiil, during the time of the Oblivion crisis (Elder Scrolls IV). Since, you know, demons from another realm were invading, it was a good idea for him to stand with the rest of humanity and fight the flood of hellish monsters. With the collapse of Mehrunes Dagon (the leader) and the fall of Oblivion, Derethor sought to head north, and discover more about his culture. This led him to Skyrim, where he met a lovely huntress in Riverwood, and had a son. This boy would be called simply Derethor II. Derethor spent his days with his wife, splitting logs and teaching his son the way of a ranger. When they both passed away, the son of Derethor spent his days wandering, as his father before him. Then, word came to him of the existence of Solsthiem (hey, that was created as a DLC just now, whataya know?!), so he has decided to trace his lineage, and hopefully make an impact on a homeland he has never step foot on. To be continued.
Well, I hope that did not bore you too much. I just like creating stories. If I’m gonna spend hours working on a character, I might as well give them a background. It seems that my love has a lot of work to do, and little energy to do it. For some reason, I am strangely awake. I will not listen to my body though, as I’ll be hitting the sack in around 20 minutes anyway. I have a blasted Geology final at seven in the morning. That’s just not logical. Oh well, I guess I’m not showering much or shaving at all, just like last week. Let’s do this.
As you may or may not have read via my channel, I’ve got one more final to contend with, and it’s the doozie. Math would take its place as the last final I’ve got. I had two today, Geology at 7am, and Anthropology at 3:15. Talk about a time gap! Well, with my physical appearance, there was possibility of anyone bothering me. Since I haven’t showered in two days, and not shaved in two weeks, I look righteously horrid. Plus the fact I’m wearing a hat all the time, I can just socially recede and tend to my studies. I hope your day has been nice. I wonder what horror movie you ended up watching. You should have watched Army of Darkness, but we’ll add it to the list.
Other than that, today has been admittedly boring. I sure can’t wait till my life gets a little more exciting and I get to actually do what I love to do. At least my concert is tomorrow night, so there’s a high likelihood you won’t be hearing from me. I will make an effort to not get too physically harmed when it comes to moshing. I wonder what you’re doing right now, if you’re grasping that shell I gave you. It’s 7:20 right now, for reference. I really don’t want to head over to class for a mandatory 7am review. That’s ridiculous. Just a few more days. Although, I do think it was kinda crazy how close I was to driving to your house the other night. I was twirling the keys on my finger, just waiting for you to type “get over here”. There would be no measure to how fast I would have been in front of your house. Perhaps sometime next year we can meet somewhere in secret. I’m thinking of a particular night where everyone but you is gone, and we can go to the grove you talked about, maybe go to that unfinished park you mentioned and go stargazing. Just being able to spend any time in your presence would be a blessing. We wouldn’t even have to say anything; just having you there beside me would count for the world. The fact that such a perfect girl would even want to be around me for an extended amount of time, I just don’t get it. I will never know what you see in me, or why you chose me to spend your life with, all I can say is thank you. Thank you for loving me, when you really should be out there loving someone better than me. Someone who’s smarter, has better dreams, is wealthier and could take better care of you financially. I have so many faults, my dear. I hope that you can overlook them for as long as you have. I swear to God I will be good enough for you. I’ll do everything I can do to be as wonderful as you claim me to be. That hug that we may share one day next year has been on my mind every time my head hits the pillow. One day. And there we are, talking. Some rules we follow, huh?
My God. I feel so broken right now. My knee injury was a mobility problem, and annoying to say the least, but this is something totally different. I am almost deaf, with my ears ringing all the time (it was a bitch to try to get to sleep last night with that going on). I also cannot speak, at all. The voice is just not there. I think I know what happened on that one. First, Memphis May Fire came on, and I knew all the words to all of their songs, along with the fact that there was a random guy next to me with the same amount of lyrical knowledge, so we ended up just screaming at each other. A screaming match come to think of it. It was cool, having some stranger hype you up like that. At one point, on one my favorite breakdowns from their song “The Sinner” hit, and me and him just jumped as high as we could. Strange how you can easily make friends that way. Then As I Lay Dying came on, and they happened to be a fan of circle pits, so whilst I was bouncing through one of those, some kid elbowed me when my mouth was open, cutting my tongue open (the most irksome of my injuries). Then Asking Alexandria came last, and I lost my voice altogether when I was up at the front row, growling with the lead singer.
Now, I feel as if I have torn my calves. Four and a half hours of bouncing will do that to you I suppose, no matter how strong they are. At Asking Alexandria’s last song, they both seized up, and I had to stop. Walking is now a chore. The mosh pits were incredible. I went in I believe five or six times, not including the circle pit. OH! And I also got to crowd surf (that’s how I ended up at the front). There has a big guy in front of me, and I looked at him and said “I’m 135 pounds bro, give me a boost”. That was insane. I had to rescue my buddy who fell in a mosh pit twice. There were so many people. I know what you mean by the whole brushing up against strangers. But then again, when you are all fans of the same thing, there is really no such thing as a stranger. I would have to honestly say that Attila was my favorite performer there. The vocalist kept having problems with his mike, and he ended up getting pissed and throwing a table into the crowd (we threw it back). I’ve been listening to Attila for going on five years, so I knew all of their stuff too. When they played “Rage” I flipped the hell out. The last breakdown, I went into in my first mosh and ended up being dragged out by the crowd for jumping too high. No one was allowed to leave and come back, so all the smokers inevitably smoked inside, creating a huge haze in the venue. While it smelled awful, it sure added to the atmosphere. I also had the added pleasure to be recognized as the only one wearing a Vildhjarta shirt. Only a few recognized it. Some girl walked up to me, hugged me, and said “Thall, mother fucker”. I had a nice chuckle to that one.
But of course, no night is possible complete without you in my mind. No matter how intense things seem to get, you’re always there. I don’t know how you do it. I was sitting there, bouncing up and down to I See Stars, and then I thought “I wonder if she’d bounce here next to me. I wonder what her reaction would be to going THIS crazy”. It made me wonder how your Falling in Reverse concert went. Did you headbang and go wacky? I would expect that you did, given your hype during the summer at the prospect of seeing them. But then again, your folks took you, I wonder if they stayed and made sure you didn’t have too much fun. Either way, we will most certainly have to go to a metal concert together in 15 months. I feel like we would have a marvelous time. Maybe we could go see ERRA or Phinehas. I’m smiling just thinking about it. It hurts to smile, but you always make it worth every twinge.
Tomorrow night, I’ll finally get to post this up. I wonder if the admins will actually let this go up, I mean it’s freakishly long. Megan, my perfect love, I miss you so much. I wonder if you’re thinking of me as intensely as I am of you. I can’t wait till Saturday. I have a free day, and likely I will spend it reading your letter, then trying to cope with the catastrophic feeling of longing that it will bring me (probably to the point of physical illness), then coming up with a complex plan in my mind how I can see you. It’s a crazy proposition, but then again, normal is just too boring. Okay, I need to calm my nerves and distract myself with Skyrim until I have to go to work. Oh what fun it will be to not have to talk at work. I hate talking to customers and pretending to be interested in their crap.
It’s over. Done. This semester, and almost this year. It’s almost behind me. 2013 will be much better I think. This morning’s math final wasn’t really difficult, just a shitload of number crunching. She provided all the equations we didn’t need, and none of the ones we did. Perfect logic. Anyhoozer, I’m done with it, and only have one more math class to take in the entirety of my existence. I hope you’re enjoying your last day of school. Those days are usually a wash anyway. Besides, you get to read all this text tomorrow. Sure, it’s only 17 pages, but I think it’ll slowly increase with time, like our ones did during the summer. That was such a great summer, just having you there all the time to talk to every night.
But for now, I must head to Lyle’s, go get some lunch, and buy tickets to go see The Hobbit. I am super stoked for tomorrow. Just so many awesome things happening in one day, plus (hopefully) this whiplash will die down. My neck is still killing me. A massage should be in order right about now. I have work 4-9 too. Busy ass day, to give way to a wondrous one tomorrow. Work yesterday was kind of fun though. I got to basically play charades for six hours. I had half a mind to fake muteness tonight, so I don’t have to talk to anyone. We shall see. More tonight!
Home from six hours of bagging. It wasn’t that bad tonight, so in the end I just knew I’d be sitting here typing away. I thought of doing this during my whole shift. Luckily I get to sleep in a bit tomorrow. I will be spending the day with Lyle though. We are visiting the grave of his father, as it is his birthday. I miss him. After that, we’ll be having dinner with his grandparents, and then…The Hobbit!!! My friend Melissa told me it was amazing. DUH. She saw it in 3d though, arguably ruining it. I have never liked 3d, unless the very point of the movie was to exploit the 3dness. Perhaps Monday will be my “do nothing day” but I highly doubt it, as I haven’t trained in a week. I have been itching to jump on my pullup bar and start cranking out one arm pull-ups (if I could actually rep them). All in all, this weekend is just what I need after a week a crap. You, are just what I need after a week of crap. And now, to the conclusion of this minor chronicle that I have scrolled over a few weeks.
Megan, every character I’ve put into this is for you. It has all stemmed from my love for you. It won’t stop. I will not bottle all of this any longer. I cannot possibly deny to anyone that I completely belong to you. My heart, body, and soul have poured into this castle of text relentlessly, only to bring back priceless memories of the lock-in, our first kiss at the theatre, our first time holding hands, our first real time alone at the river. I still remember the moment you asked me to be your Valentine. I’ve never told you how in love I was when you asked me that. It was so hard. I didn’t know what to say. I mean, how could I? I’d always had a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that you wanted me, but I never could be sure. My mom would always point it out. “Man, that Megan girl always flips out and hugs you like no one I have ever seen. She really likes you.” I would always defend you. “We are just like brother and sister. Calm down.” I didn’t stand a chance when we got close. You took a hold of my heart so easily. You had perfect timing, come to think of it. Alyssa broke me in two the end of my senior year, and then I met you at the youth gathering. I know God placed you in my life to stay with me till the end of it. I know my purpose for you. I will keep you safe, and do everything in my (quite limited) power to make you happy and make you feel as loved as you were the day I first confessed my feelings for you. I remember where I was, handing you that note with “Never Be the Same” on it. I felt my world crashing down, and that was all I wanted to do; I just wanted to shout, “I’m in love with you!” in that church. But to be clear, it seemed earlier than that. I remember questioning every message I put on Facebook to you, telling you I was perfectly fine spending my life with you. Now I know that’s all I want to do. I want to spend my 20’s, 30’s, 70’s, and beyond that with you, darling. My love, I never wish to leave your side. Call it clingy, I don’t give a fuck. I call it committed. And to be honest, you’re a clinger too. So what happens when to clingers cling to each other? An unbreakable bond. That is what we’ve got gal. People idle at me about how hard it is to find true love. I know what I have. This gift. You. You are perfect in every single way I can imagine. Your voice, your laugh, your clumsiness and bad puns. The way you love me is nothing I could have ever conjured in my wildest fantasies. You are in my mind all the time. I know you are supposed to be there. I have never seen such devotion from someone, such beautiful stubbornness you possess. I know I will never give up, and I know you will never give up. That thought alone makes me feel so, just, safe. I have you, and that is all I’ll ever need. I promise I will always be here for you, my sweetheart. If you post that you need me somewhere, I will be there as fast as my car, legs, or the possible stolen horse will carry me. I love you like asteroids love the moon, like the wind loves a sail, like Hugh Hefner loves pretending he’s not old. You and I are a team, a bond, and an eternity. I would be hopeless and lost without you. That will never change, just like the warmth you give me. I lay in my bed just thinking that if I pray hard enough, you’ll appear beside me, and I almost cry at the inevitability of this hard impossibility. 15 months till all my dreams come true. I love you, Megan. Forever and ever.