• I can’t do this

    by  • December 15, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 3 Comments

    You are married. It’s that simple. At first, we were simply joking around. And then something clicked. Clarity happened. Feelings happened. And yes, I let it go too far. I should have nipped it. But I’m human. And I’m sorry.

    But when you asked for more than flirting, my insides twisted. Because the truth of the matter is I wanted it and I wanted you. Badly.

    But I will never be the reason that rips a family apart. I don’t care what your reasons are. I don’t care what is there and not there between you and your significant other. There are two sides to every story. Actually three. Yours, theirs, and the truth. And I am well aware of what people say when they are trying to get what they want.

    When I explained to you the very personal reason why I will never do anything like that, the dead look on your face let me know you’d have no remorse. When you said, “Well, I tried.” Tried to what? Ruin your life? You can’t make a joke out of people’s lives.

    A flash of fire usually results in a burn. I’m not willing to be a toy. I’m not willing to be a band-aid. But most importantly, I’m not willing to hurt others and myself to make you feel something again.

    If you have problems in your marriage, they are your problems. And you need to figure them out. You can ignore them and make others pay for them, which seems to be your M. O. or you can face them before others pay the price. But I’m not going to help you and I’m not going to be your confidant anymore.

    If you think this is easy for me, you’d be wrong. But I’m not going to go into my personal feelings because what good will it do? It doesn’t change anything and it doesn’t make wrong right.

    I’m not perfect. Not claiming to be. I messed up by letting this get too far. But it never went past a little flirting and a budding friendship. But that friendship is over. When I see you, it will be as if I don’t. There is no other way.

    Related Post

    3 Responses to I can’t do this

    1. L
      December 16, 2012 at 1:28 am

      I applaud you. Good for you, you have his number and you’re smart enough to run. You are not only empathetic to what damage this would cause others but, you also love and value yourself enough to realize what a piece of crap this guy is BEING to YOU. Seriously, I cannot begin to tell you how much I admire you. What a breath of fresh air you are.

      It’s true – you cannot help who you fall for but, you can help what you do with those feelings. You dodged a big fat bullet, and you are fabulous. Every time you doubt that look in the mirror and repeat.

      Take care
      BIG HUG




      0



      0
    2. Author
      December 20, 2012 at 3:55 pm

      Dearest L,

      Thank you for your kind words. I know it is for the best. And you are right. We can’t help when we have feelings for people. We can help what we do about them. It builds doubt inside of us when we have them for those that don’t deserve them. But I’m stronger than my feelings. And I’ll always choose being alone for the right reasons than with anyone for any reason if it’s the wrong one.

      Thanks again SO much!




      0



      0
    3. J
      December 20, 2012 at 10:38 pm

      I am impressed with your self worth, and the respect you have for marriage, and for his family that you may not even really know. I have been tricked into taking that road before, not marriage, but the I have a girlfriend only I want you, I’ll leave her. I was young, I am young, but old enough to know better. Sometimes wanting to feel loved can cause temporary blindness, or selective blindness towards the truth. I wish I had seen this back then, I wish I had your strength back then. From someone who had to learn the lesson the hard way, you truely are better off. The way you get sucked into those situations so deep it practically destroys you, is never worth it.

      Good for you. Find a real man, a one woman man.




      0



      0

    Leave a Reply