I guess it’s becoming a habit of posting letters to you on here.
I still don’t know what to put in this. It’s winter–blue everywhere, and it certainly reminds me of you.
I’ve been losing myself to this world. And I’m slowly forgetting that feeling from that night. I’m trying my hardest to keep it within me–but my memories haven’t been solid. Too many things are being forgotten.
So I’ve written the novel, on and off. I’m trying to find a way to continue it–but it’s difficult. I am no Eileen.
Every night before I fall asleep, I’m secretly wishing to see your face. To see you again. I’m terribly selfish.
I might not be beautiful in any sense, but I am a woman in love. I just want to keep this precious feeling even if it cannot be.
He said one of the reasons why you couldn’t let those words out might have been because you knew I would have been hurt. But, I love you. Even if I will be hurt in the future, you can’t deny a person’s love for another.
Don’t protect me if it means we’re never going to see each other again. Just tell me, don’t keep it in you.
The reason why you couldn’t answer me, I know why. I only thought of it a while ago. When I asked you, you didn’t want to lie to me. So instead, you only gave that weary smile of yours as I left.
That moment haunts me every night. I might be losing my memories, but that moment is the one that will never leave me.
All this talk about the end of the world–if it does come, I want to be with you before or after it occurs. At least let that happen.
I… don’t deserve to be with you. I’m not fit to be with you. I’m so scared to realize that you never loved me as I do with you. I’m chasing your shadow, and it’s rather pathetic.
I love you so, so very much. Nicholas. Nicholas? I’m unsure. Your turquoise eyes I’ll never forget. The blue hour, I’ll never forget. The stained-glass window, the train tracks, the vase. I’ll never forget, I’ll never forget.
My love might bring the end of me, but I’ll take whatever risk it brings with my heavy heart.