I don’t know if you will ever know the devastation you have caused, the shear amount of pain, anguish and pain you have left in the wake of your time in my life.
In a few short months you managed to break down the walls it took me years to build. I wasn’t looking, I wasn’t trying…but before I knew it my heart was completely wrapped up in you. It was too late, I was there, completely exposed, vulnerable to the last nerve…open and lost in you like I have never been for anyone before.
We would spend all day talking and texting, no moment was complete without you. You constantly told me how I was the perfect, most amazing man, how you could never ask for anything better and could never want for anyone else. Couple the connection we felt with your absolute beauty and incredible sweetness…I fell in love before I had a chance to realize what was happening.
We existed in this perfect world together for a short time, always making plans for the future. No end in sight, you said you would always be right there for me, that your promises were meant to be kept…you promised, and I believed you. I trusted that you would never hurt me, and there was no way I would ever hurt you.
It all ended in an instant. No real reason, just that you wanted to end it. I wanted to keep my cool, keep my pride intact so I put up very little fight. I did tell you that I would love you for a long while to come, and that you had just crushed me in an instant, but I let you go peacefully into the night.
I know now that you went back to him, almost instantly. I do not know why, I don’t know how you turn off the feelings and emotions we shared so quickly. Is that even possible? Were they real for you, because they were certainly real for me.
I have many sleepless nights ahead of me, many days of hoping you will call or text. I can not breathe when I think of you, I can not function as a person without you. I hurt and when I think it might get better I hurt some more. I need you, like you told me you needed me. I want you, more than you will ever know. I heart you, and you know what that means.
For all of the pain you caused, I don’t think I would trade it to not have shared some of my life with you. Although it kills me daily, I love you. I can not hate you, though I sometimes want to. I wish you the best, but secretly do hope you miss me, that sometimes, when you are all alone…you think about me, and either smile or cry, either way I’d know I left an impression in your life as well.
With all the love I have,