• I don’t know how to do this.

    by  • December 14, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 0 Comments

    I know I have told you that I love you before. And I know what your answer is, I know that you don’t feel the same way. So why can’t I move on? Why can’t I make myself get over you? It’s been 6 years since we met, you would think that somewhere in the space of 6 years I would be able to get over you, but for some strange reason I just can’t.

    You are my best friend, when I am with you I am happy. My day is not complete until I hear your voice, or read your text. I fall asleep thinking about you, you are one of the first things on my mind every morning. I hear songs that remind me of you, I read quotes and you come to mind. This isn’t healthy, this isn’t normal. I want you in my life always, but I don’t know how to have you here as just a friend.

    I thought telling you would make it all better, I thought those feelings would suddenly die and I could stop thinking about you, about us, all the time. It’s worked in the past, so why didn’t it work with you? Why didn’t it work the one time I absolutely needed it to?

    No matter how hard I try, no matter how many times you tell me no, no matter how many other girls you tell me about, at the end of the day I still love you with all that I am. I wish you could understand that, I wish you could accept that, but more than anything I wish that you felt the same way. I do not know what the future holds for either one of us, but I do hope that we are part of those futures. I never want to lose you, but I have to find a way to get rid of these feelings I have for you. Cutting you out for a month didn’t work, maybe I need more time. I need time to forget how perfect and easy it is. I need time to forget about your eyes and your smile and your amazing heart. I am afraid of how much time I will need. I am afraid that if I take that time you will forget everything about me, I will be another one of those old friends, the ones you used to be really close with but time charged on and your friendship did not.

    So, I don’t know how to do this, but I know that something has to change. I deserve to be happy, and so do you. I deserve someone in my life who feels the same overwhelming sense of love for me as I do for them. Love is not one sided, it would never work. I can’t make you love me, but I can make life easier and happier for myself. I love you, I think part of me always will, but it is time to make some major changes. I have to figure out how to do this.

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