• Why?

    by  • December 12, 2012 • To You • 1 Comment

    My Cowboy,

    I’ve spent the last 8 months trying to make myself not have feelings for you. How can I have these feelings? I’ve never even kissed you. I’ve never held your hand. I’ve never stared into your eyes. You have told me things i never expected to hear, you have opened up to me about how hurt you’ve been and issues and problems in your life. You have talked to me about what is important to you. You have sent me songs to listen to time and time again that seem to have some deeper meaning, but claim they don’t. You are scared to tell me you have any feelings for me at all, but refuse to say you don’t. You keep me hanging on by a thread. It hurts more than you know to hear you talk about all of your friends that are girls that you are taking to concerts and out on the town and i know they are just friends, im not jealous that they are in your life, im jealous that I’m not. It breaks my heart that we can fight and make up and everything we do is intense and yet you still tell me you can’t give me those feelings of love that I so desire to get from you…yet. It’s with that last word that breaks my heart and keeps me waiting. Everything I’ve ever wanted in a man is you. I know each and every one of your flaws and yet I’m still here. I’m still waiting. I’m still hurting. Why? because deep down I do love you and it makes me sit here and be distant with everyone else, and scared to try and move on because I know I’m still here. Still waiting. Still longing for even a hint of feeling or emotion from you. You get drunk and start to open up and then just shut down to keep yourself at a distance. You are off living your life while I’m stuck here breaking more and more each day. You say I’ve lost my confidence, and that that was one thing that attracted you to me the most, what you don’t realize is that in every other aspect of my life I still have that confidence, the reason I’ve lost it when it comes to you is because you don’t give me a reason to be confident, you constantly keep me on the back burner waiting. Today I realized that I’m tired of charring my ass on your back burner. I need to move on. I just hope I have the strength to do that. You want to still be friends, but I don’t know If I can do that with all of this love I still have for you inside. This is me trying to be happy, I need to think of me since you won’t. I need to make me happy and heal my hurt since you won’t. I’m not gonna wonder why anymore.



    One Response to Why?

    1. Jackie
      December 12, 2012 at 12:50 pm

      Paralled realities-

      You want to know why? Because I knew what was going on. That is the ONLY reason you even had as much time with me as you did. I would have never been so inclined to that type of behavior. And through it all you acted like a dick, it was a major turn off. But you know all of this and I let it go, you should too.

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