• The Words That I Will Never Say

    by  • December 10, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Miss You • 0 Comments

    Seven thousand, one hundred, and fifty five miles. Fourteen hours and fifty two minutes. One gigantic ocean.
    That is how far apart we are.
    I dropped you off at the airport on Saturday. I can still see your tired eyes gaze out the window as we watched the smoke clouds dance across the sky. I remember your messy, unkept hair–especially, that one lock that curls around your cheekbone. We talked about the winter break, our friends, and how we will miss them.
    That I would miss you.
    The drive to the airport was too short. Even though I hit every red light, there still was not enough time with you.
    We reached the drop-off, and I watched you pick up your bags. I figured you wouldn’t want to hug–you never did like being touched–, but you surprised me when you wrapped me up in the biggest and tightest hug ever.
    I never wanted to let go.
    You whispered, “Au revoir,” and I walked back to my truck. I laughed as I kept my back to you, yelling that I’d better get a good souvenir, and other meaningless things in order to put off goodbye. I slammed the door as I watched you walk inside the airport. That was when I said those three words. The words that I must never say.
    “I love you.”
    I love you. I’ll miss you. Be safe. Have fun. Say hi to your parents for me. Make sure to eat lots of potatoes. Facebook me. Skype me. Pet your cat for me. Make sure to take lots of pictures. Don’t do anything stupid (without taking pictures of it first). Please come back here. To me.
    I never did say goodbye. I just cried in my truck all the way home.
    I’m glad that you asked me to take you to the airport. Even though you’re my ex, we’re still best friends. I’m glad that there is nothing awkward between us. I’m so happy that I met you and became best friends.
    But, it hurts sometimes.
    You are on the other side of the world now. I miss you. I miss your smile, your voice, your hugs, and YOU. I just miss YOU. I want you to have a good time with your dad in South Korea. I want you to be happy. If you’re happy, I’m happy. But, sometimes, I find myself crying.
    I know it won’t be long. You’ll come back in January. But, I’m afraid that one day you won’t want to be friends anymore. That goodbye will be forever.
    That is why I didn’t say those words. I don’t want goodbye to happen. You’re an important person in my life. I don’t want you to stay for just a season; I want you to stay in my life forever. You told me that you’ve never trusted or become close to anyone in the world except me. I hope that still rings true. Even though we live in a world with Facebook and Skype, it still isn’t enough for me. I want to feel your warmth. I want to be beside you.
    So, I will pray for your safe return back here. And, when you get back, I’m going to give you the biggest, tightest hug ever and say the words that I do want to say.
    “Welcome back, Kevin. I missed you. I love you. Thank you for being my friend.”

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