I’m a ballroom dancer. Simple. We’re working on choreography for an upcoming show. I’m too heavy. My Tango partner says he’s fine but it doesn’t feel fine. I feel too heavy I know I am. I’m 5’4″ and 160 pounds give or take a few. my partner is taller and only 150 or so. He’s strong I know but still. I would feel better if I were lighter. It shouldn’t be that hard to do. I spend four days out of the week dancing you’d think I’d be losing weight. I want to stop eating. I want to puke when I do eat. I’m too smart to do that. I know how bad that can turn out. I know too much about the risks to put my body through that. Right now though, I’m fighting my intellect with my hormones and need to be better, to be perfect, to be thin. I have four months till the show, this is a major show for me. I want to look amazing. I want to prove how good and beautiful I can be. I can’t do that If I look like a fucking cow.
I didn’t eat until about 6:15pm today. I ate chips and spicy salsa. Then I ate a couple bites of cake. Only a few short minutes after I through up. I didn’t do it on purpose I just got sick. I’m glad it happened though. I do not want to eat but I know I have to. If I start taking my vitamins again and I keep myself so busy that I don’t get the chance to eat I will lose weight. I know I will, but If I don’t keep busy it won’t happen. I want to be thin. 130 by the show, that’s not to much too ask for. It’s realistic. I want to be 110 that will take longer though. It’s a realistic weight for me. BMI says I can get as small as 108 for my height and not be under weight. I would be so happy if I were thinner. I just want to be happy. I’m not asking for the world just to lose some weight.