I was in the winter of my life when I met you. I had just severed the delicate thread of a relationship that tied me to reality and kept me in a pretty cage. It was summer when we met, but there was a winter in my soul that flung me this way and that over the blustering desolation of my open heart. I was drunk on freedom and whiskey 7’s, men bought me drinks and boys surrounded me at the local dive. I smoked cigarettes so I could breathe fire and send smoke signals to those silent stars to give me direction. The cruel gods must have heard my stubborn prayers, or it was just coincidence you came along shortly after. We spent entire nights talking and drinking, kissing and laughing; we ate away hangovers on the rocky beach and watched the sun crawl too fastly across the sky. Even after the moon had risen I could still feel warmth in my bones and a sense of belonging over my sunkissed skin that covered me in happiness down to my scrawny toes.
And before I knew it, you had to leave.
But I was fine, people came through my life like fish in a stream, sometimes they’d pass by again, but usually not. My heart had been broken and taken advantage of more times than I could ever count, so I buried it deep and burned the map so not even I could find it. I had always been a self-sufficient girl, but even despite my self-imposed lonliness I found that I needed you. So I went to you as often as i could, knowing I was jeapordizing the only life plans I had scribbled in my weak hand. You were everything that kept me sane, if sanity was even an option for me. Cracks started to show in the earth over my heart, ice melted from my eyelashes as did the glaciers over my shoulders and ran down my body like a fridgid river, plunging me into a torrent of emotions that terrified me to a point I couldn’t even talk about. Amidst the tumbling chaos of the river you found my hand and pulled my bloody and shaken body ashore. You taught me how to breathe again, you taught me how to feel again.
I am crazy, joyous and terrified, but I am yours. You, the most unexpected character of my life, saved me from myself. I will never be able to fully express my gratitude, I will never be able to repay you, but I promise I will do anything to heal your wounds, to see that smile which lit my heart afire. You found me in the winter of my life, the complete utter chaos, the ataxia, of my existence, and saved me. You are helping me learn to trust again, how to be truely happy again. Most of all you are teaching me how to love for the first time. Thank you, thank you so much, my love, I know what real freedom is now.