• Steven

    by  • December 6, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Goodbye • 11 Comments

    Yeah this is for you, I knew you would go here. I’ll tell you everything for once. I loved you I really did, no seriously. i know this is fucking crazy but I can’t imagine spending my life with you. It fucking scares me, the reason it scares me so much is you are just like me. You really really are just like me, it is so fucking weird to me. I can’t see myself being with someone like myself and getting anywhere in life. No offense but i need someone who will kinda keep me on track. It’s not that i think you won’t but i think that you would support most of my ideas simply because you may have thought about the same thing yourself. I feel like I would be stuck in the same place forever because i’m a thief and a liar. I’m going to miss you terribly because you are the only person who truly loved me unconditionally i mean soo unconditionally. You were going to let me cheat on you with who ever i wanted, just to be with me. It really means a lot to me. There are gaping holes in both of my legs, i knew that it was going to be like this and I felt like i deserved to hurt, hurt bad. I stayed up all night last night crying throwing up and cutting myself. i hate that i hurt you, i never feel like this. But I feel remorse for what i just had to put you through. I’m an absolute terrible person always have been, always will be. I don’t want to drag you down, I know you can do better than me. I know you may not want to but you can and should. I know you don’t trust me anymore and i’m okay with that. i still trust you i never stopped trusting you… I’ll never ever forget you steven.
    Love you bye,
    S

    11 Responses to Steven

    1. Steven
      December 6, 2012 at 8:15 pm

      I will never stop loving you. I wish you the best in life Sam.

    2. Steven
      December 7, 2012 at 5:28 pm

      Can this please not be goodbye? I’m sorry for not accepting the option of your friendship. I hope that one day we can talk again, even if it takes another 4 years.

    3. Steven
      December 7, 2012 at 6:25 pm

      The last time I heard your voice you said “stop.” That can’t be the last time I hear your voice. That can’t be the last time I speak with you. I never should have told him, I’m such an idiot. I didn’t want to accept reality. I wanted to hurt you the way you hurt me. I’m so sorry. I know he said to stay away, I know that you may feel the same way, but I’m going to try and contact you one day. Not anytime soon, but one day. I said “I’ll miss you.” and you said “its only three days,” but now its so much longer than three days Sam. I’m going to miss you so much.

    4. Sam
      December 7, 2012 at 8:47 pm

      It wont be the last time i talk to you, no one will ever tell me who i can and cant talk to. Call me at work monday morning.

    5. Sam
      December 7, 2012 at 8:59 pm

      I feel like something is wrong with me, I’m crying literally uncontrollably I can’t stop it.

    6. Steven
      December 8, 2012 at 7:58 am

      Nothing is wrong with you. You feel sad because you made me sad. I.e. proof that you’re not a terrible person. Its ok though, I know you wouldn’t have done anything to hurt me intentionally. What I said over the phone holds true- It’s going to be ok.

    7. Steven
      December 8, 2012 at 9:10 am

      I fucked up so hard. I wish i could convey how horrible I feel. You are loved, please don’t cut yourself further. Stop beating yourself up Sam. You tried to tell me, I just wouldn’t read between the lines. That isn’t your fault. I miss you so much.

    8. Sam
      December 8, 2012 at 2:56 pm

      I’m not going to hurt myself anymore, but I would still like to talk to you. Email me at my hush mail, shroomofthaloom

    9. Steven
      January 14, 2013 at 8:15 pm

      Why would you end it this way? You promised it wouldn’t end this way… This hurts so much, I don’t matter enough to you to get my things back? I love you, you say that you love me, why are you doing this?

    10. S
      March 4, 2013 at 2:39 pm

      I regret whatever I did to lose you. You will always be one of the happiest chapters in my life.

    11. s
      March 8, 2013 at 10:35 pm

      Wrote you somethin.

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