Let me apologize in advance for how long this will be, but darling I’ve got a lot to say.
I lived for you for the past two and a half years. It’s embarrassing to admit; I mean, you definitely didn’t do the same for me. I remember towards the end, wanting to break up, because our arguing was spiraling out of control. You told me if I did, it was proof I never loved you. So I didn’t. A month later, I got a phone call from you. Turns out, you wanted to see what it was like to date other people, and you couldn’t do the two hours apart when we were at school anymore. Oh and don’t forget, you used my line from when I wanted to break up with you: you didn’t want us to hate each other. Bullshit. You just wanted the break up on YOUR terms, as usual. Always you.
Do you know what you did to me? You thought you were perfect, you blamed me for each and every thing that went wrong these last few months. I know I messed up, I know I picked fights and got controlling at times but I worried and I didn’t know how else to act. You ditched me after I miscarried our baby. OUR baby. Do you remember your reasoning? It “didn’t make sense” for you to drive the half hour to my house, even though I was a wreck. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t think about anything except the fact we created something and it was gone. And you refused to see me. I never felt more unloved in my life, and I never forgave you for that. I really don’t think I’ll ever be able to. What about the lies you told me? My personal favorite: “I love you, I’m never leaving you again. We’re going to get married. We’re the exception.”
Do you remember telling me that you didn’t like how I dressed, that your family didn’t like me? How about when you made fun of me when I told you I used to cut myself? Or that I was self-conscious that I gained weight, and then you called me fat for weeks because you knew it bothered me? Do you remember lying straight to my face about every girl you talked to, especially about the girl you hooked up with behind my back and this new girl, the one you claim you didn’t have feelings for? Well now you’re dating, after barely a month of us being broken up. So much for that. Guess those two years meant a lot to you.
I’m glad we’re not together anymore. It’s getting easier to say that, and little by little, I’m beginning to believe it. I’m picking up the pieces to my life and never looking back. I’m happy you were my first love, we were so innocent and naive to think we would last, but I wouldn’t trade those memories for the world. Thank you for showing me what love wasn’t…and a little bit about what it was. I know I’ll never let someone treat me that way again. I’m finally standing on my own, and I’m going to be fucking happy. I’m not settling for anything less.
See you never. Can’t wait for karma to bite you in the ass, my dear.