To whoever is listening,
Where do I start… hmm it’s almost been a year and a half since I did anything with you. I long for your touch, your smell and the touch of your lips on mine. I really do miss you; my crush for you is forever there.
I was hoping that it would go away with time, and time I tried. I even tried to connect with someone else wonderful and fantastic but it just didn’t click with her. I feel bad for doing that to her starting something but I must be honest with myself and end it before I hurt her even more.
Sadly my heart is still for you, the one who makes my heart race whenever I see you, when I hear your name through out the day. You make me so happy when we are together but this happiness doesn’t last. You can’t stay with me; you go back home to someone else. I must learn to deal with it.
I feel like such an idiot. I can’t get over you, I just can’t. I want to be in your arms, I want to feel your warmth in me. I keep speaking with my tongue tied and never telling you how much you hurt me. I did tell myself that I’d never let you hurt me. We were only going thru a fling, a phase, I told myself. That wasn’t the case for me. I really fell for you, real hard. Being so close to you hurts the most. I have so much to say, but I keep watching you walk away everyday.
I hate never knowing what would have been. I know It will never happen but I wish it could. I keep wasting my time thinking of you but all I want is for someone as great as you to come sweep me off my feet. To love me like I love you.
Opening myself up to you was the hardest thing I have ever done and look what it has done to me. You’ve used me to have fun, to take my innocence away. You’ve played around with my heart.
My heart my mind and my gut have all taken their own paths. My heart has won the battle. Wish I could be smart and figure my shit out. I love you and truly miss you. Wish we could be more. I need to let you go…I don’t know how. Or is it I don’t want to?
A very confused soul!