If I could take it all back I would. If I could push a button and we could start over before Halloween, I would. If I could take back all of the shitty promises I made you, I would. I’ve never been good at keeping my word and at my weakest times you pushed me away. I thought I could be what you need, I thought I could be what you want. I thought you were what I wanted and needed. You weren’t and I was none of that for you. But I fell in love with you, I still love you. I can’t find another hand that fits in mine quite right, I can’t find a shoulder to lay my head on that’s quite at comfortable as yours. I can’t find someone who’s heartbeat matches mine so perfectly. I don’t quite feel right in my skin without you around. That feeling that I don’t really belong anywhere is back. Even if we couldn’t be together, I wish you were still in my life, I wish I could have one of my closest friends back. I wish we had never fallen apart from the start.
Josh, I wish you the absolute best, I hope you give someone more deserving a chance in the future. I hope you learn to love yourself, like I love you. I hope you see the man within you that I always saw. Please take care of yourself and try not to forget me.
-With love, your Panda
And please know, I never meant to lie.