I hate you. I have only met you once, and you were so nice to me. But I hate you. You were his first, and I can’t forgive you for that.
It’s so dumb, you slept together before I even knew him, but I still hate you for it. There’s a part of him that will always belong to you, and you don’t even appreciate that. To you, he’s just another one of your drunken hook-ups. A friend who you drank to much with and slept with on a few occasions. And then once when you were sober just because. The fact you were his first is just a random fact.
But to me he is the love of my life. I plan on marrying him someday soon. He leaned on me with his father’s death, and I’m leaning on him as I finally deal with being raped all those years ago. We are each others rocks, but that’s still not the best way to word what we mean to each other.
I know it’s not rational, but I hate you. I thought I had accepted that you were part of his past, but I just can’t do it. He finally realized that last month when he went drinking with you. Drinking. I could hold my tongue and pretend when it was just lunch (every other weekend even though you were supposedly no longer living in town) but when instead of hanging out with me and our friends he went drinking with you I couldn’t take it anymore. So he promised me he wouldn’t drink with you again. But then he took it a step forward, and said he would never see you again. I thought it was a bit much, but he felt bad and said it was fine. I never heard about you again until today. When you woke us up asking to get lunch with him, and he said yes. He broke his promise to me, didn’t even remember making it. Fine, you two can be friends. But that’s something I’ll never be okay with, no matter how many times I say I am.
I hate how pretty you are. Although he says I’m prettier, I know it’s not true. You’ve got gorgeous brown eyes, and a natural tan I will never match. I may be stick thin, but he’s always said he wishes I was a healthier weight. Like you.
I hate you for hurting him. He started falling for you, but you rebuked him. Saying you only wanted a fling. And he was already hurting so much. Getting over a 3 year relationship, dealing with his dad dying of cancer, and you just hurt him like it was nothing.
But most of all, I hate you because I’m jealous of you. You have a part of him I can never have. And that is such a bad reason to hate someone. But I can’t help it. It feels like your other girl, when all you are is just a friend of his. I will never be able to understand how you don’t appreciate what you have. When he remembers his first time, it’s your face he sees. And I just can’t understand how you two can be friends. Doesn’t it mean anything to you? Anything at all?