I miss you so much. I want to tell you so badly how sorry I am that I let things get the way they were. I became complacent. I took you for granted and assumed we would be together for our entire lives. I have never felt so complete. Now I feel like a shell of my former self. I wish I could go back and do everything differently. I would give anything to be able to hold you, kiss you, and love you once again. By now I am certain you don’t feel that way about me anymore and I don’t blame you. I shut myself away after we broke up. It hurt so badly to see you. And after I thought we would try to pick up the pieces, you told me that it probably wouldn’t work and you just wanted to be single for a while. I understand that. I am not angry or bitter. I am just lonely. I miss spending days with you doing nothing. There was never enough time for us to just do nothing. When I think back it almost seems like a montage you see in a movie. I don’t think about the bad stuff, and I know for a while it did get very bad, but that isn’t what I remember. I remember the girl I feel in love with that summer. I remember being there for you through thick and thin. Being your best friend and your boyfriend. Most of all I remember your eyes though. They were the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen.
God, I am so sorry. I was hurt and acted foolishly and I regret it every day. I wish I would have stayed there for you. Helped you. I guess I was just heartbroken. You were the only thing that mattered to me. You still mean more to me than almost everything going on in my life. It doesn’t feel right not having you with me. God, I really fucked up. I have never been so sure of anything in my life as I was of you. You are the funniest, goofiest, most beautiful girl I have ever met, and I am sorry that I lost touch with that. I see you now and again, and just like that I am back with you again. Memories take me back to when we were all that mattered to us. We talked about getting married, talked about our futures. I wish I could spend the rest of my life with you, A. Every single day I think to myself that I need to make this right between us. It wasn’t an ugly breakup so I don’t know what I am worried about. I don’t know if I will ever be able to tell you any of this. You seem happy. I don’t want to ruin that. I feel like me bringing it up will just upset you.
Maybe by some divine miracle you will stumble upon this letter. Maybe you will see it and know it is for you. I doubt it. But until I can tell you to your face that I am sorry that I was so cold, and uncaring. I really wanted to be better I just couldn’t do it, and I am sorry. You deserve so much better. You deserve everything you want in life. You changed me so much. I am better now, and I wish I could repay you because I will forever be in your debt. I have a positive outlook on my life now, not a bleak one. I think my only regret will be that I don’t think I will get to spend the rest of it with you.
I am so sorry A.
I love you so much.
I will never forget you.