so glad you made it thru Sandy fine- you and your loved ones. glad everyone is safe. I tried not to worry about you, and asked God to watch over you. I also spent that time out of contact really trying to figure out me, what is happening here and trying to convince myself I would step away from you- as I know I need to. Today, hearing from you- I told myself I would ignore anything but you letting me know you are safe- well, FAIL.

I did keep the communications short and did not lead down any road about feelings, us etc… so that is better than nothing. I did not tell you I missed you (part of why this is so difficult is the living in half truths; after what I have been thru a life w/o truth goes against everything I am), but then again, nor did you. However, you instigated contact multiple times today- and I did not respond to all of them ( small victory ).

now i need to figure out if i have the willpower to be only your friend. you are a struggle for me.

I know I deserve all of a relationship (for it is not out of not caring that I know I need to distance myself), I deserve someone who I can give my all to- the old me would have settled for a small part of you and the pain that comes with that. Honestly, you deserve those things as well-I know I need to get my willpower together and either be mature and tell you why I need to back off or be a coward and just do it.

thank you for letting me know you made it thru safely. at least that prayer was answered.