There was a day recently, when I was sitting in the cafeteria talking to one of my friends about relationships. I who has been single for the past three years, doesn’t really think all that much about a few months, or the next year of being single. When I told her I had come to expect to spend the remainder of my life single, she exclaimed “but I’m just waiting for you and your best friend to get married!”. My heart stopped for just a moment. I wondered how many other people have noticed that I’m so deeply enamoured by you and how much I adore you. I tried, as much as possible to just brush it off with “Who him?! No, he’s my best friend. Yes I love him, but I love him, like my best friend”, which was not all together a lie. I do love you as my best friend, but that’s just scratching the surface of the ocean of love that seems to be drowning my heart.
We had lunch later, and I jokingly told you what my friend had said. You sat down, looked at me and said “so how was your day babe”. Hearing those words, come out of you mouth, made my heart swell in my chest and stop beating. All this, while my head knew you only meant in jest, and my heart wondered truly how much of that was just meant to be a joke. Oh yes, I’m in love with you. The worst part is, you have no clue. I tell you I love you all the time, but you have never seem to notice, that those words only flow out of the deepest parts of my heart. The parts that even I only venture when absolutely necessary.
There’s something else, so much worse than you not knowing how deeply in love I am with you. When you talk about other girls, when you hold other girls in your arms, when they have the honour of falling asleep in your arms with your heart singing them a sweat lullaby, a piece of my heart breaks away. Every time! I’ve become glad, that my heart doesn’t make a sound when it breaks, but there are days when you look at me and I can swear you heard it crack. My darling I love you, and if it takes until my last breath for you to realise how much I love you. Then I pray that my last breath lasts just a little longer than all the previous ones, so that I can spend just a few moments knowing that your’re as in love with me as I am with you. However, if my heart keeps breaking like it does, everytime you hold another sleep with another in your arms, or kiss another’s lips, I may have no hear left by the time my last breath comes.