I fell in love. Simple story really. I’m a bisexual girl, as she is. I fell in love with her before I knew I was bi, if that makes sense. My first thought when she said, “Oh, I’m bi.” was maybe she’ll date me. That was over a year ago. Problem number one, she has a boyfriend. In detail he’s my ex-boyfriend. This wrecks me up inside. I don’t have feelings for this boy, just a childhood sweetheart you know? But he is dating HER. My greek, my sub, the “my” that’s not mine. And he knows that me and this girl have affections towards one another. She prefers guys over girls, I know this. And he does the stupidest shit that pisses her off. For some damn reason, this gets me giddy and excited. For the bad side, I get overly possessive, and I have to remind myself that she is not mine. I fear that she might never be. She assures me that she loves me, but I fear she doesn’t mean it. She has the same effect from me, and I cannot convince her that I love her anyways.
Problem number two, She’ll clam up whenever I talk to her about my feelings. We are certainly best friends. But we are also so much more. I’m dom to her sub. I’m the one to wrap my arm around her, when we sleep, and she’ll grab hold of my hand. I’ve kissed her, full on the lips. I’ve bitten her thirty-eight times in counting. I’m scared that I’m seeing a relationship that’s not there. I want to reach out and just hold and kiss her. She’s a out to her friends bisexual. I’m fully out. I can’t sleep well unless she’s beside me.
Problem number three, she has claim over me, when I have no claim over her. I think she was literally trying to glare daggers at the guy who likes me. Yet I can’t do a damn thing about her boyfriend, her several admirers, and I can’t express deep emotion.
She likes guys more, this is a recurring issue for me. I can’t make life plans with her. She wants a husband, and children. I give her neither of those. She’s a year older than me. She’s going to college. She’s got all this brilliant things planned that I do not.
Please help me. I have no idea what to do. And please don’t say anything about trying not to love her, it seems a little impossible at this point.