To the one who put this engagement ring on my finger:
I love you, but I’m afraid I’m not in love with you. I said yes, but I’m afraid I lied. I want to plan this wedding, but I’m afraid to set a date because then it will be real. I don’t think you are right for me, but I’m afraid I will hurt you.
I’m aware I’ve stopped listening to you. Frankly, you say nothing that interests me anymore. It’s always the same thing. My favorite part of this movie is…. Or this video game’s entire plot is about to be told to you whether you care or not. We don’t talk about anything substantial.
Whether you admit it or not, I’m aware you want nothing to do with my family. This hurts me more than you will ever know.
I know I will be content with you, but I’m afraid that I will never be truly happy. I just don’t know how to tell you.
And while I’m at it…
To the adorable guy at work:
Please stop flirting with me. If it’s not flirting, I’m not sure what it is, but you are only making me second guess myself and my decisions even more.
Stop asking if your butt looks good today. Stop complimenting me on my hair. Stop blushing when somebody cracks a dirty joke about us. I don’t get these things from my fiancé, and I can’t help but like it coming from you.
And even furthermore:
To the desperate girl writing this:
I’m afraid we are going to end up as unhappy as our mother. I don’t want to be stuck in a loveless marriage for the rest of my life.
I’m aware of what everyone says to us. People at work, family members, anyone who sees us together. “He’s just not the right one for you.” I’m afraid they are right.
I’m aware we are engaged, and yet we continue to stare in someone else’s direction. Hoping that other one notices the newly found makeup on my face or the new hairstyle I’m trying out. I’m afraid something is wrong, either with me or the world. Something surely isn’t right here.