Dear Woman who wrecked my Marriage,
I will probably never forget your tone the day you announced to me, “Well, I married him, I’M HIS WIFE NOW!” As though we had been at war for years, you and I. The truth is I was married to him, for 20 years. We had a life together. You interfered in that life by becoming his port in the storm. That does not make you the winner here. What it really means is I got tired of the head games and abuse he leveled at me.
What you get to live with, besides my leftovers, is the fact you “won” this prize by lying to all the people that probably matter to you the most – parents, siblings, children, your late husband, his family and so on. This relationship between you and the man I married cost you your credibility and your dignity. Now the two of you are drinking up the rest of your lives in rural North Carolina, I am not jealous of that outcome at all. In fact, it sounds like hell on earth.
If you read his blog carefully, and I have, you will see that it is all about HIM. That is all he really cares about. He puts his own needs and whims ahead of everything and everyone. It is not a good sign when there is no one of substance to invite to the wedding.
He does not care about you, he only cares that his crazy need for unconditional love and support are met. That is because he is Borderline and it is all about him.
It is very easy for him to become distracted. He will meet other women and he will go after them. He will not think twice about the love or compassion you’ve shown him. If it feels good in the moment, he will follow that impulse. That is who he is.
I know you’ve convinced yourself that I am the Wicked Witch. He is pretty good at weaving stories where he is the ultimate victim. Of course, I took care of him for years and years. Cleaned up his barf, scrubbed his urine from the rugs, fed him, paid his bills, made sure his kids had gifts. Even before he fell off the wagon he was a handful, after that he was a nightmare. His bad temper became unbearable. It finally drove me into therapy. When I made serious efforts to deal with the problems, our marriage ended. That is why he went to you. Because I was done, not because he was done.
So, your delusional self-talk about “Endless Love” and “Happy Endings” does not change the fact you married someone with Borderline Personality Disorder. You cannot think your way out of this one or deceive your way out of it. Someday you will get what I am saying here.
I am learning I could never be happy with such a person — especially since he refused treatment or to practice sound mental health. At the same time, you had no right to interfere in our life. There was no place for you. For this, you will suffer. Maybe not today or tomorrow but some day, you will look in a mirror and realize what you gave up to follow him. You hurt my kids, you hurt me, you hurt my family. The hell you will come to occupy is of your own making. I wish I could feel sorry for you but I don’t. Your dishonesty has yet to reckoned with — I feel sorry for your kids. Aren’t you the role model?