Why can’t I let go?
by admin • October 19, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Depression • 4 Comments
I know I should move on because the way you act shows you don’t care. You hurt me, you ignore me, you lie to me, you give me false hope.. And I cry and I feel useless and worthless and pathetic for still wanting you. Everyone tells me that I should let go and just move on but there’s something inside of me that will not let this go. There’s something inside of me that says it’s not over, there’s still more, that if I keep trying maybe you’ll come back again. And I would like to know why I think this way when you’re putting in 0 effort.
That sounds exactly like the situation I’m in. In my case, I want to leave badly but doing so would involve essentially turning my world upside down. Moving back in with parents because I can’t afford any other alternative, changing addresses, cancelling phone service, car insurance, arguing over who gets to keep the cats, and more. Then I wonder how much worse it has to get before I actually go through with it.
Maybe your situation isn’t as complicated. If so, maybe moving on is easier for you than it is for me. But no matter what your other half may say, if there’s no effort being spent toward maintaining what relationship you have left, it should be clear (as you seem to have noted) that there’s nothing more to stay for.
Honestly, I feel for you. So many times I want to be able to move on but for some reason something refuses to let it happen. And he puts in 0 effort. We’re really nothing more than friends of friends. And he has a girlfriend of several years…so really what can I say or do. I moved far away from him. Try not to think of him to the best of my abilities (which on some days are rather abysmal). I try to treat it all like a miscarriage…why dwell and keep things that were never alive. Its hard for me to do…but it becomes easier every time I see he doesn’t care. It hurts when i see him not caring…but it also hardens me. Because I think a part of not wanting to let go rests in that small hope that he might care…
All wounds take time to heal…but we can at least put a bandage on it so that it doesn’t get worse.
Darlin’ trust me it will take its time but it will happen eventually. Things take their own time. It’s different for everyone, and you will eventually do what’s right for you. It’s a process of finding out who you are. You have to battle your own demons and realise your own self worth.
I hope you find the strength to turn this person away sooner rather than later and work on why you feel you can’t do better.
I’ve been in a similar situation as you and asked myself the exact same questions. Wishing I had the strength and wondering if it would ever stop. At the same time, I was letting everything else in my life go down the tube because I was so caught up in it. Looking back I was definitely depressed during this time. I was being led on, lied to, played with emotionally. It’s abuse plain and simple. No contact definitely helped, and having a goal to pursue that’s all your own certainly helps too.
Good luck to you
Thank you all so much. I know letting go is the right thing to do but I feel like I need that closure. If he was to say something like “I want nothing to do with you” it’d be easier to move on but he’ll never say it. He’d rather me clinging to air so he can come talk to me again in 6 months or whenever he feels like it. But I guess his actions have proven it, his words use to tell me a different story but his actions say just that.