So I want to be honest/brash with you for a moment because I am a forward minded person, and I seem to always wind up being hurt in most relationships. Remember when I told you that I don’t want anyone to hurt me because, I have been hurt plenty of times, and am sick of it. Well, you kind of hurt me without realizing it, but I am going to just be forward with you, because if I don’t believe that men are capable of good then I will be alone forever. I was going to leave to grab a bite to eat , and half way out of my garage, I realized that I left my debit card in my jeans upstairs. So I hurried back as quick as I could, and overheard you talking to your friend about me. I didn’t want to call you, and say things that I probably would regret, so I cooled down, and decided to just write. So, I am going to save you the trouble of breaking things off with me right now.

Why did you even try to get with me? You knew I was in the military and this was inevitable,so why did you make it seem like it was all okay? I never lied to you, about what I did for a living, why were you not forward about how it made YOU feel? Why did you ask me to be your girlfriend, if it was not your intent to keep me as your girlfriend? You must realize now, why I hesitated to say YES to the whole “girlfriend” idea. Because I don’t trust men, I leave it to you guys to do all the hurting on your own. Even when you meet a nice girl, you assume the worst. The fact that you couldn’t tell me up front proves that you not only cant handle being with me, but your are not mature enough to be in a relationship with a woman like me. I might have four years on you, but it doesn’t take a genius to figure out when something is not quite right. Which is why I could see it all over your face yesterday, the very reason why I asked you if there was something on your mind, that you wanted to get out in the open. I am not a difficult person to communicate with. If your sole purpose was to make me your girlfriend to simply give up on us, then you’ve succeeded. I did not ask to develop feelings for you, it just happens, that I care about you. If you are curious (that is what a girl means when she says she has feeling for you…it means she cares). When someone cares about someone else, they never want to see them hurt, not even by their own hands.

When I asked you to wait until 6 months to see if you still wanted to be my boyfriend that right there was your escape. I didn’t want us to be too attached before I left because I knew that it would be asking too much of you. That is a test of commitment, which apparently we are not at that stage yet. I wanted you to be FREE whilst I was deployed. You are by far younger than I, you are handsome, and plenty of girls out there that have not yet explored what you are all about. You are free….I am not your girlfriend, for that purpose, and that purpose alone. Why did you drag out this relationship with me, when you knew deep down that this is not what you wanted. You are not prepared to be in my life, at least not at this point in our life’s. And its like you said, you have to graduate and then really live your life, and you don’t want to be tied down to some woman and her child. I get it. I have baggage. Damn it…I love my baggage because it reminds me daily why I am so hard on men, and why i don’t allow anyone into my heart so easily.

On that subject, I never asked you to be or to play any sort of fatherly role to my child, she has her very own father for that. You could have just been her friend, and she would’ve just be satisfied with that. See this is what happens when you over analyze a situation. Then you said something along the lines not wanting to break up with me at your place in fear that I may inflict some pain towards you. I would never harm anyone, especially you. But thanks for painting such an ugly picture of my character to your friend. Not to mention breaking up with me, say, before I leave, why so I can be upset about it on my trip to Iraq. Far as I am concerned, I never tied you to me. I never pushed this idea of being with you. You asked me to be your girlfriend twice, and twice I clearly refrained from giving you a direct yes, because I just knew deep down, that somethings are too good to be true.You said to your friend, that you saw something in me in the future, well, maybe not now because apparently I misjudged your maturity, maybe way later in your life, when you feel you’ve experience enough, you can look me up then. As for now, I just wanted to come forward and say how I felt, and remind you that you are free as a bird. Do as you will.

We don’t have to see each other before I go either. In the future, try to not string women along, and then plot a break up with them, without notice..just because you can’t handle it. If you come clean about breaking up with a girl, , you almost always get a clean break, and sometimes wind up with a friend. In this case, I’m almost certain, that I prefer to not talk to you at this moment. I feel so stupid for even letting things get as far as they did with us. Lesson learned and thank you for making it much more difficult, for the next person to break my heart and you did it without even knowing.

Respectfully,

M