At 28, it feels silly to say that I have a crush. Though, I’m not sure you could qualify what I feel as a crush anymore. I passed the crush stage, I think, years ago. And yet, even though it’s been years, at least 6, I still haven’t gotten up the courage to tell you yet. There have been plenty of opportunities over the years, and I’ve said nothing. It doesn’t matter that we rarely see each other, my feelings never go away. Sure, I’ve been in relationships over the years, and I can manage to push the feelings back, and pretend that they aren’t there, but they are there. Always hiding under the surface, ready to spring with the slightest hint at your name.
(It’s sad to say that when I was with my ex, I would have left him in a heartbeat if I had had the slightest chance with you. I know that doesn’t make me look good, but it wasn’t a good relationship, and I knew it wasn’t forever.)
It can be frustrating, really. To have all these feelings for someone that doesn’t even know. I don’t know if you’ve ever had an inkling of what I feel, or if you’ve ever felt anything similar for me. I would jump at the chance though. I want to be the girl that you call yours, to know that I could kiss you, or hold your hand whenever I want. I want the chance to make you happy. I think that we could be happy together. And I’m not sure exactly what it is, that attracts me to you so much. Your sense of humor? Your love for your family? That you’ve always made me feel attractive? Or maybe it’s your smile. A mutual friend will mention your name, and I’ll blush, or I’ll see your picture and smile. No matter the occasion, seeing you always gives me butterflies. maybe soon, I’ll tell you. Then I can’t stop wondering, and either get to be with you, or finally get over you, and go back to being just friends.
If maybe, somehow, you find this, or someone else tells you how I feel, could you let me know either way?