Where to start?
I guess I’ll start with the basics: I’ve known you for two and half years now, you were one of the first friends I had in college, when I first saw you I had butterflies.
I don’t know what you did to me, but you turned my world completely upside down. I don’t know when it happened but sometime during the car rides, late-night adventures, McDonald’s runs, and daily phone calls I fell in love with you. You showed me adventure, spontaneity, freedom, youth. I never had a guy best friend before and you somehow fitted into my life perfectly at the time.
It didn’t take long for me to realize that you were always on my mind; when you would call, where we would go next. I cried the night I realized I loved you because I had never loved anyone like that before. I was scared at first that I had fallen for someone so hard, but it didn’t matter because you were in my life. Freshman year was one of the best years of my life. And you were a big part of it.
Something changed last year. Well, I changed. I made a decision to let go. Please understand that it was SO HARD for me not be able to be with the person I loved; not be able to express what you meant to me. You would just laugh. I think you changed a little bit too. We got too involved with weed and you with partying when you joined that fraternity. Things didn’t seem so innocent as before. You met different people, and our lives started to diverge from each other. But I held on for a little while longer because I had the strange feeling in the back of my mind that I actually meant something to you as well.
Fast forward to the present. It’s the start of Junior year and I have no idea what our friendship will be like. That period of a couple of weeks when we didn’t talk was really hard on me. I was at war with myself because I knew I had to let go, but I still had love for you. Yet that one day you called, everything came rushing back. Just seeing your name on the caller i.d. gave me butterflies. Yes, we’ve hung out a few times this year. But it’s different. I’m no longer me when I’m around you. In fact I get shy, embarrassed, and insecure. Why? I can’t answer that question either. Maybe it was all the weed. Maybe it’s my heart’s own twisted way of defending itself; cover up the old, lingering feelings with something negative so that by some small chance whenever I think of you, negative feelings come up. I guess I have to survive and move on somehow.
Before I say my final goodbye, I want to let you and everyone know that I fell in love with you. I fell in love with who you are, the way you speak, laugh, walk. I love the way you drive my car; the way you love your puppy. I fell in love with all the things you probably never know you do. You are truly one-of-a kind. I will probably never meet another person like you. And I think you will always stay in my heart somewhere. You’re a good person and deserve a good girl to support you and stand by your side. I just wish that could have been me. Instead I feel like a stupid girl who fell in love with someone who never even thought twice about me. And that’s why I have to move on.
So thank you for your part in my story. For showing me how to love. But now your part is over. Time to start the next chapter.