No idea what I did to deserve this
by admin • October 11, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Depression • 4 Comments
Thank you for ignoring me once again, thank you for lying to me again, thank you for coming back into my life just to destroy it all over, thank you for bringing my hopes up just to tear them down again. Thank you for being the reason I’m cutting again and the reason I want to die. I don’t know what I did to deserve this but like you said, there’s a reason for everything. The worst part is that no matter how much I hate you there’s a ridiculous part of me that still loves you with everything I have. I wish I could just leave this earth already and go be with God because you have broken me beyond belief.
People can drive you to the ground, break you, shake your faith, try to destroy you with every fiber of their being.
But you will never break, as broken as you feel, because you are beautiful, you are pure, you are love.
Leave him. Legit, just leave, It will kill you inside, but sooner than later, you will feel like a whole new person and be so happy.
I promise you.
How do I leave him? It’s so hard, I’ve been literally waiting for him to come back since he left me 7 months ago and now that he’s sorta back I have to let him go because I realize that he hasn’t changed at all, no matter what he says. He gives me these long sob stories and apologizes for why he stopped talking to me and how it’ll never happen again and it’s already happening. He’ll go days without talking to me and then message me and be like “Hey sorry about that my internet was down or my phone etc” I don’t know what do to. I feel so hopeless and useless and worthless. Everytime he doesn’t talk to me I think he’s gone for good and I make up these scenarios that I’m gonna tell him off one last time and just delete him off FB and everything but he always has excuse after excuse and I don’t know what to believe anymore.
My dear,
You deserve a man that loves you for you. Listen to your gut feelings. They are never wrong. Never settle for less than what you want. It sounds like he makes you unhappy and that he is not being fair to you, and playing games.
There are men out there who are loving, supportive, and cherish someone like you. Don’t settle for less than what you deserve, and my dear you deserve the best that not only life can offer but that you wish and dream about.
Love,
Lady