This is our 10th? time of saying goodbye. Do you know that we’ve never actually said “goodbye” we fight and I disappear because of the embarrassment of not having the guts to choose you. or maybe it’s because I know if we sat face to face to say goodbye for a final time I wouldn’t be able to pull the trigger. And just like every other time I think i’ll be fine and perfect for about 2 weeks and than YOU set in…your music, your pictures, your memories, and I search you out. I look for ANYTHING to have you in any sort of way, without actually calling you or texting you or e-mailing you, it disgusting. It’s not fair for me, you or him. I want to have surgery to remove you from my memory, except than I’d feel empty and I know it. Help me. I’m so desperate for something to change…I want to either have you like i’m not supposed to on the side, or I want to free us from each other. at this point you say “but what about me? why not just choose me and pick me?” oh silly boy. how impossible.