despite, what i say here, please know that “i love you”…

i hate that you never made anything right, how you fought to be right for what you did wrong, and defended yourself, in every argument. i hate how i gave up on getting you to treat me and my kids right, and started treating you like you were treating us, which was horrible treatment. it was horrible and i never should have, but i wanted you so desperately, and had to be with you, as i believe/believed you are/were my soul mate.

i hate that you believe that i cheated, and lied. i hate how you made me feel this way for so long, and never cared to change. i tried to never give up on you being a better person, but you let me… “us” down so often, and someone can only take so much of a beating.

i hate how i over-reacted in situations, and how i’d let get under my skin. i wish you could’ve seen what we could have been, instead of what you believed we would become, which is broken. just know i tried desperately for success.

i hate that you always placed your past and fears above our happiness. “oh how you made me pay for someone’s else’s mistakes”, i’ll never forget you for that alone. but more importantly, i’ll never forget you because i’ll always wonder what might have been, and what we’ll never see together. i’ll miss the things we’ll never say, holding your hand, laying next to you, making love to you, making silly plans, following you around, shopping with you, and being parents. there’s so much more i’ll miss, but those come to my mind often.

i’ve forgiven you for all you’ve done wrong, for so long, and i’ve forgiven myself for what i did wrong. i’ve forgiven you for making up lies about me, and blaming me for this failure. it’s hard letting you go, and it’s a journey that i’m trying to still get through.

i wish you happiness, and most of all, i wish you “love”…

goodbye…