almost lover
by admin • September 30, 2012 • * Safe for Work *, Heartbreak • 8 Comments
You broke my heart on a metro train.
You looked at me blankly, as if you had no idea what I was getting at. You told me you weren’t looking for a full on relationship right now… You were already in one, with me. You told me you were genuinely sorry, that you care for and value me as a friend, that you never meant for me to get hurt. You kept talking as if it were going to make any difference.
People sleeping together casually do not spend their days lazing around in bed, cuddling, going shopping and cooking together, taking care of each other when the shit hits the fan, going out for dinner together, talking about the world together. People in relationships, people falling in love, people in love do that.
People who have destroyed another person should not then set out to destroy them again, just because they cannot channel their own feelings. This is what you are doing to me. I am not strong enough to stop you. And even though I know that every time I let you kiss me, sleep with me, every time I even see you, you are doing this to me, I cannot help but see past all of that. To my mind, you always have been, and always will be, perfect. You take my pain away for the few hours I see you until it rears its ugly head the second you’re gone.
You can tell me all you’ve ever known is a relationship so that’s how you acted, that your ex broke you and now you can’t deal with the thought of anything serious for the time being, that if we had met at a different time we would be in a relationship by now until the cows come home. I will never understand why you let me fall, and did not catch me. I will never understand why you still can’t, why you let me feel this way and do not let me go.
I long to know whether we are just destined to remain almost, an almost so almost it hurts, or whether one day things might just fall into place. I tell people I am ok, I am not over you but I am ok. I am not ok.
You are what sends me to sleep and what keeps me awake. You are what keeps me going and what stops me breathing. You are not mine and yet my only. I wake up next to somebody strange and am sad, so sad, to find it’s not you. I don’t shake the disappointment all day. Somebody phones, texts, messages me and every time I hope it might be you.
We were perfect, almost. You are still perfect, to me. But you’re not ready. Somebody hurt you and I am paying for that, but I don’t know why.
Do I cut you out of my life? Or do I never let you go?
This sounds like someone I know, but i have not heard from them in three months so it can not be
kick him/her to the curb for using you as a shoulder to cry on. I’m glad that they can help themselves to you for comfort but all the sudden decide that they cannot do so in return. There is someone better out there. When he/she contacts you again – ignore it. That person doesn’t deserve your response, even if they apologize for hurting you. He/she should expect you have to distance yourself to mend and make yourself available to someone that wants what you want and not distracting you with his/her issues that had nothing to do with you.
@If I were in your stillettos. That is rubbish if the person did not want the issues they should not have got involved in the first place. Distance can be a good thing but people can not help how they feel. It can get pretty complex and life is a bit to short for complex things good on the person for being straight up. Id say don’t ignore the person try and understand them if you really like them then tell them. Beating around the bush is not good for ones health. If you find someone else they will only be a shadow of who you really care for and you will always wonder what could of been.
Dude – I’m glad you can see in to the future for everyone else; because you’re precluding that everyone deserves what they get. People that have the best of intentions communicate what they want UPFRONT, they don’t drag it out and have the convo in a public place and meander about it.
Tool.
Yes you are right everyone does deserve what they get its called karma. having a conversation in a public place maybe because the person they are talking to is unstable and they do not feel comfortable saying it in private
wow this has been misinterpreted. the public place is irrelevant really, it was in a foreign country. it’s just a detail i will always remember.
I wrote this because I am torn between keeping someone I deeply care about and I know is not a malicious person deep down in my life (probably with the hope of rekindling something in the future), or cutting them out in order to fully get over them. They did hurt me, badly, and there was definitely a way round that, but it’s a bit more complicated than hating them and seeing them as the bad guy in all of this. There’s a lot more context to it, and it’s not all black and white. Hence the confusion.
is this you do you know and use this site are you from England?
I know the feeling. Just keep on trucking on. Take your time and really think about if you need someone like that in your life. I hope everything gets easier. I wont say I know exactly what you’re going through but i know the feeling and it breaks my heart. All I can say is that if someone has no problem tearing you down like that then you are better off without them. It will hurt for a while but it’s satisfying to stand up, dust yourself off and just be happy that you are in a good place. Good luck and remember you are the most important person in your life and you owe it to yourself to be happy