Chapter 19: Closure
I drove away from you today, and for the first time, I wasn’t drowned in that familiar sadness. When you walked away, you didn’t turn back once. This was also the first time that I found myself hoping that you wouldn’t. Because once you vanished around that corner, that is the usual cue for my emotions to come pouring out as the inner ache begins. But…
I wasn’t saturated by the memory of our time together.
I wasn’t drunk on our final hug.
I wasn’t regretting not kissing you or saying something.
It was this weekend that I realized that I’m finally over you.
There was a very long while there where I didn’t think it was going to happen at all. I thought there was no end to this. But perhaps the small distance we had was exactly what was needed. Now I can feel my heart opening to bright ideas and people, and I’m feeling so bloody good about it! And it’s all feeling so much more real, because I’m going into these new adventures with a clear mind and an open heart.
I’m finally ready to actually find her. Because I’ve realized that she’s out there somewhere. Someone to bring me the same joy that we once shared in love. Someone who I can surprise and spoil with affection and time. I hope she makes me smile the way you do, and I’m so happy that you found someone else who seems to give you that smile in return. He really is an amazing guy.
Words cannot express how much I loved you. You truly were my first love, and to me you’ll always be my girl. Whenever I eat scrambled eggs, I’ll still think of you with a fond smile. When the clock hits 1:01 and 11:11, etc, you can still expect my text.
I still love you, but the love has finally made the change, and I see you as simply my best friend who I love. But we’re finally free of each other in that way, and ready to unlock the rest of our lives, both together and apart.
Our chapter is closed and a new one is opening for the both of us.
I feel ready to love. I feel ready to travel. I feel ready to be just ‘me’ again.
Chapter 20: Fresh start